Is my friend being inconsiderate or not?

Question

I'm really annoyed with one of my best friends right now, and I'm not sure if she's really being inconsiderate or not. We've had this tension that's been growing slowly because she has this tendency to be really inflexible when it comes to certain things. Now, that said - she has been a really good friend for the past two years, and she's definitely been there for me on the major stuff. She just isn't very open minded when it comes to planning activities, for example, I love hiking, she doesn't. Our other friend asked her to go kayaking, she talked her way out of it. I know she's not doing it to be bitchy, but I do know she draws firm boundaries because she wants to be perceived as 'strong'.

Last Friday, we had this plan that we were going to go to the gym and then meet our friend at this group thing - and then the night before she changes her mind and says that she doesn't like that type of group.

It all came to a head this past week when, for like the fourth time, we were trying to plan her 'divorce party'. Me and the other friend went to this beautiful beach for a beach party, and decided that we wanted to take her there for her divorce party. Then I hear, "She doesn't want to go to the beach."

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I got really angry, and sent her this long email that basically said I'm really frustrated with putting it together, and that I've put what I've had to offer on the table and I just don't feel in sync with where it's going, and that I don't think I should attend.

Now, I feel bad and like I'm overreacting. Do you think she's being inconsiderate? And if so - how would you deal with it?

Answer 1

it would get annoying after awhile.

but question, did you ever ask her what she would like to do every now and then?

i know i hated it when someone else dominated the group and didnt want to let others have a say.

maybe you guys just need a little heart to heart on this to get to the root of the problem.

you never know what could be up until you really take the time.

Answer 2

do you try to do things that SHE wants to do? do you make exceptions for her? have you asked what she'd like to do? etc? maybe its just a big misunderstanding.

Answer 3

Obviously, she does not like the same things that you do. She's not being bitchy, she's just asserting her independence with you. Don't be angry with her, this gal is already going through some things, and some hurt.

Don't force her, or guilt her to anything right now... it's hard enough for her to get through her divorce. Shortly, she will be the fun-go-lucky friend you remember, but she's dealing with some heavy sh*t right now! Give her a break! She will be back in no time.

Answer 4

i don't think  you're overreacting, but i don't think she's being inconsiderate, she's definitely being difficult, but i would try talking to her again and saying you're sorry for snapping, but tell her in no uncertain terms that you still think she's being really tricky.  And definitely don't feel bad, her behaviour provoked you, anyways, all really good friends fall out at least once (in my experience)  

Answer 5

maybe  you should talk to her and i do think that maybe she was

a little bit inconsiderate but it does sound like shes going through alot right now so just try asking her if she wants to go out for coffe or something and she will understand

Answer 6

mmmmm sounds like she is not wanting to do things cause she is not comfortable with the other people your hanging out with.

try asking her to do something simple with just you alone.

i know some people who dont go out cause there is just too many people they dont know.

sounds more like lack of confidence and shyness

Answer 7

Yes you are a bit more overreacting

no she's not inconsiderate

just politely talk to her

sit and talk it willl solve the problem