Is my friend planning a suicide?

Question

I found a strange status message on my long year friend's ICQ. It said something like:

"On September 2nd, there are the state exams. When it's over, I can finally leave this world."

Please don't hurry with answering until I clarify things a bit. It is a kind of person who often talks "dark" but doesn't really mean it. But he has never been that explicit!

Before each exam, he keeps telling he will fail although he is excellent in his study year and always well prepared. I always try to cheer him up which usually helps. This year he is finishing a Bachelor degree programme and this state exam is the same case, but much worse. He doesn't believe he can ever finish the programme, which began when he had to prolong his study by 1 year, but it was not his fault at all!

Although he WILL make it, he has prepared some plans what to do as a job if science is not going to be his way. These include applying his skills in some common job. So why does he speak like this??

There's one personal problem which has been haunting him for ages. It's that he's 23 and he has never had love. He is constantly unsuccessful in finding a girl who would be more than a friend. I'm sure (he told me) that this is the real source of his depressive mood. He might have decided that he does not want to wait for that to happen any longer...

I'm very afraid of my friend. Do you think he's really thinking of escaping this world literally, or can it be some kind of metaphore (the world of science or anything like that)? Unfortunately, I can't talk to him personally right now, I'm out for a summer school. Should I discuss this problem with him over ICQ, or just try to convince him things are not too bad (again)? Please help!

Answer 1

When I was a young man, I came to know some friends that were "unsuccessful in finding a girl", and were chronically depressed because they've "never had love".  The good news is that none of them actually ever committed suicide.  The bad news is that young people in love or out of love are prone to suicide---it's one of the most common reasons for yourth suicide.  Love does that to a young person.  For this reason, when a young person is acting suicidal over love or lack of love, it should never be taken trivially.  But it's a fine line that you'll have to walk with your friend---on one hand, it's important to acknowledge his pain, it's quite real to him and probably dominates his thinking, and yet on the other hand, encouraging him to expand and dwell ever more on his pain could just make things worse for him.  What I did with my stricken friends was to never deny the problem---it's as old as mankind, the plight of the luckless young man---and I would help them laugh about it.  After all, as I constantly reminded them, be careful of what you wish for, you just might get it.  

Even if you can't "talk to him personally right now", there are other ways of keeping contact with your friend and let him know.  If he has too few other people he can confide to about his problem with girls, that's the most valuable thing you can do for him, to let him talk to you about it..  

Answer 2

oh my god, I hate it when people get depressed over something like "love"...I should know...I was one of those people. I realized life is too short to worry and linger on something that WILL EVENTUALLY happen. And guess what? A guy entered my life shortly after (but i broke up with him a few months ago)

so he shouldnt worry about that. I know its sucks badly sometimes...but trust me, a girl will come to him eventually. He sounds like an AMAZING guy...smart, and hard-working.

Anywho, just try calling him as soon as possible, just in case. If he meant it as a suicidal note, then LET HIM KNOW that it'll be such a waste of a good guy like him.

Answer 3

I think he just means once he does the exams he can leave uni as in the world of studying  ( on september 2 which is my birthday )

Answer 4

I say just let him know your there for him as a friend and let him know that things will get better.

Theres someone for everyone!

Answer 5

It doesn't really sound like he's going to commit suicide. He is probably just really stressed and bored and tired from studying so much!

You are a great friend for caring about him so much. If you really want to know, just ask him if he's thinking about committing suicide. Make sure that you are very sincere and say you care about him and that your world would be hard without him...

Otherwise, it doesn't sound like it.... ^__^

Answer 6

Your friend is probably sending mixed signals.  I am familiar with the maladies from which he suffers.

He has no clue.  He is still so young.  He doesn't realize that where he is now is temporary.  It will change -- and in unexpected ways.  There is a phrase to remember:  "This too shall pass."   Just reiterate that you are his friend, and you don't want anything to happen to him.

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Here is Wikipedia on the phrase "This too shall pass"

"This too shall pass" (Hebrew: גם זה יעבור‎, gam zeh yaavor) is a phrase occurring in a Jewish wisdom folktale involving King Solomon. The phrase is commonly engraved on silver rings.

Many versions of the folktale have been recorded by the Israel Folklore Archive at the University of Haifa. Heda Jason recorded this version told by David Franko from Turkey:

“King Solomon once searched for a cure against depression. He assembled his wise men together. They meditated for a long time and gave him the following advice: Make yourself a ring and have thereon engraved the words "This too shall pass". The King carried out the advice. He had the ring made and wore it constantly. Every time he felt sad and depressed, he looked at the ring, whereon his mood would change and he would feel cheerful.”

The phrase "This too shall pass" and the associated ring story were made popular by then-Senator Abraham Lincoln in his 'Address Before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society, Milwaukee, Wisconsin' on September 30, 1859:

“It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!”

The UC Berkeley folklorist Archer Taylor made a critical study of the sources and influence of the "This too shall pass" phrase.

Answer 7

why don't you just ask you friend what he meant by it.

it will be easier for you to judge.