Is my friend to blame?

Question

a couple of months back i posted a question about my friend. he found out that his wife was cheating on him. She wanted to explain how long, with whom and why and he said that he wasn't intersted. He told her to pack her stuff and move the h**l out! She did. She kept on pleading him to give her a second chance but he told her that he already filed for divorce. 2 weeks ago, she commited suicide. Now HER family and friends are blaming him, saying that if he had just given her a second chance that she would still be alive...I told him "don't blame yourself, if she had let her legs cross she would still be alive". now some of his friends are blaming him! I'm the only one, with his family, who are supporting him! I don't think he's to blame in this! what do you think?

Answer 1

no, his is not to blame. she obviously was troubled before this. she chose to cheat on him. when you cheat, you have to deal with the consequences. i'm sorry she killed herself, but it is definitely not his fault.

Answer 2

He didn't kill her, she did that herself.  When something like that happens, everyone always wants to blame someone for it.  I can't imagine what he must be going through.  His friends and family are morons. Have him turn it around and ask these people where were they when she decided to kill herself?

Answer 3

Not his problem. She made her bed and didn't have the moxy to lie in it so she took the coward's way out. His problem was having a w***e for a wife and he took care of that problem by (rightly so) giving her the boot. Anyone that blames him for the suicide should be permanently ignored by him. End of story.

Answer 4

In a  tragic situation like this, there's no point in assigning blame to anyone. There's already enough grief, pain, and guilt as matters stand: why add to it by playing the blame game.

Continue to support your friend emotionally, and remind him that a person who commits suicide is usually not in control of their own mind and feelings. I would avoid saying things like "If she'd kept her legs crossed. . ." because that's assigning blame unnecessarily.

Too many factors go into making a situation like this, and no one is fully to blame or without some responsibility for causing it.  

Answer 5

it's her choice to commit suicide...he shouldn't be guilty nor you...she's the one to blame...and nobody else but her...

Answer 6

She took her own life. She is to blame for that, nobody else.

This is exactly why Suicide is a selfish cowards way out.

She should not have cheated & then she wouldn't have been kicked out. You are right. It is NOT his fault. What if the revelation of her cheating had sent him to his suicide? Would she be bothered? I doubt it.

Answer 7

No she is the one who made that decision. The blame is all hers. We have free will and she choose suicide. He did not help her or assist her so he is not at fault.

Answer 8

Committing suicide, or the attempt is a selfish act. its an outcry for pity. he didn't cause it,SHE DID.

To ease his suffering, you can let people know what you did. You obviously feel bad for it.

She obviously made many stupid decisions in her life, and then her last was a doozy.

Her family is laying blame on him out of pain. But if they were so d**n close, why didn't they see the depression and craziness of her B4 she did what she did?

Be his friend, and support him. He's the one that needs a friend through the hard times.

He had every right to toss her out of his home. HER family shoulda took care of her, and got her the help she needed.

Seriously, if my brother cheated on his wife, and got tossed out, and was pleading to be taken back, I would've taken him in and made sure he got the help he deserved.

there are many degrees of mourning. Anger is apart of it. If you come clean with what you did, then be prepared to have them angry at you too.

Answer 9

I feel really sorry that this happened.

I don't think he helped the situation, but i don't think he is to blame. I suppose he could have listened, but i could understand that he had already been deeply hurt and didn't want to be hurt any more by hearing the details.

It is hard to tell without wittnessing the events.

If it was my wife, i think i would have listened and eventually given them a second chance if they said it was a mistake and they were sorry, but it would be really weird for a long time.

It must have been really hard on your friend, and been really hard on his wife, and now it is really hard on all her friends and family.

I don't think anyone is to blame, it is very tragic that it happened.

I also think you won't get a real answer off yahoo answers. You are in a better position to judge that anyone on yahoo. I think that there is no right answer to this question and that all involved have to get on with there lifes as best they can after the grieving is over.

Answer 10

That's a terrible situation but it's not his fault because he didn't cause her death.  She did.  Unfortunately this is how she chose to handle the situation.  Her friends and family are just looking for someone to blame because it's easier to point the finger at someone else rather than acknowledging that their loved one had a problem with herself.

Answer 11

yes

Answer 12

Not his fault. It was her choice, she made bad desicions and couldn't cope with them. It was her own fault.  

Answer 13

He isn't to blame. She was obviously not well to begin with. Cheating and committing suicide were both her own willful actions.

Answer 14

h**l no!!

Answer 15

definitely your friend is not the blame of the death of the girl. committing suicide is a weakness. nobody can blame your friend of that girls weakness. also i personally think that you are right by saying if she had kept of legs cross etc.  so tell your friend he shouldn't be upset. he did the right thing. in my country there is a saying which is if someday does something wrong once, this means that he/she can do it again anytime.

Answer 16

wow! I don't think that is his fault,if my husband   ever cheated on me I would not be able to be with him know matter how sorry he was,that's the ultimate  betrayal,it's to bad she didn't  feel bad enough not to do it.

Answer 17

Nope why should he have been miserable to keep her happy when she is the on that did him wrong. Just be a good friend and continue to support him.

Answer 18

No He Is Not the blame. She did all of this ..herself. He only made the choice that he was not going to deal with the cheating. But what she did in the end, wasnt any of his fault. Some people would not have been able to accept someone for cheating. I know I wouldnt. But if they killed theirself afterward, well thats just more issues that person had.  

Answer 19

To a degree it is his fault because he was so harsh and cold. She screwed up big time but she's a human being. He didn't have to be so cold. He could have at least tried to listen or said give me some time and then we can talk in the future. He completely shut the door and he didn't have to. It's not his fault that she committed suicide but by ignoring her he missed on the distress signals she was sending out. He turned his back on a human being. Even though we may be hurt and angry, we should never do that. Just say, I need some time. Let's talk in a few months or when I've reached that point where I can talk to you. At least if he had done that then it might have been enough to keep her going. No one is perfect. Why did she stray? Did he even try to find out why? Why are people so hard on others, expecting them to be just like them when it can't be?

If my husband cheated on me then I would be upset but I would not be so harsh. I learned that from him because his wife did cheat with his younger brother no less. He was furious but not so furious where he completely cut them out. He got away and got some space for a while.

What's done is done. The only thing he can do is think of the future. Let it be a hard lesson learned.  

Answer 20

well, since she committed suicide, she must have been in a really bad state. most likely because of the divorce. so in my personal opinion, i think he is to blame, it would have been easier to give her a second chance than to put her through that cos there aint no coming back from that now, is there?

Answer 21

She chose her own destiny. He chose not to be part of it.

Answer 22

I believe that your friend is not to blame.  She did what she did and got what she was asking for (a divorce, not suicide). She could have simply just moved on with her life, looked for love in new places or tried things she never did while married.  It was her decision to do what she did.  My uncle commited suicide 2 years ago due to marriage problems etc. It's never easy and people are always looking for something...or someone to blame.  It's just easier than dealing with the truth.  It was his choice to do what he did, not his wife or friends or family.  Sometime things happen that we can't explain and we look for answers, in your case her family are looking for answers and the only satisfying one is to blame him.  It's not his fault and although the situation is a difficult one time can only heal this process.  He should continue on with life and although he may feel like a reason for her suicide he should realize that it was her decision and that he really isnt to blame.  It doesnt just take on thing for something like this to go off, it had to be years of things, maybe even a guilty consicous of things she did in the past.  I feel sorry for both parties families in this type of ordeal and i send my sympathy and best wishes to everyone involved. this is never an easy subject.

Answer 23

If he had taken her back she probably would have cheated on him again. He absolutely did the right thing. Maybe her family and friends should have considered her psychological problems and got her help instead of expecting the husbands whose trust she ruined to do it for her. Be supportive of your friend he will need it.