Is my husband correct?

Question

Earlier this past week I went to my moms house to talk to her about some problems my husband and I have been having in our marriage... I had already spoken with an aunt and uncle, and another really good female friend. After getting ready to leave my moms house I remembered my husbands good friend lived like 5 minutes away from my mom, so I called him and asked him if I could stop by to talk. I had talked with him on a general and seldom personal level before through email and myspace, but this night I wanted his advise too regarding the marriage situation and issues such as those. He told me I could stop by, and we sat on his couch and talked for about three hours. The first 45 minutes were serious talking about my pending decision to leave my husband, the remainder of the time was just small talk, and it felt really nice to be chatting and not be thinking about all the problems I was facing. The next day Tuesday, I went back over to my moms and then back over to this friends house, we talked over trivial things, and then I told him I was hungry so I was going to find something to eat in his kitchen. I made myself some pancakes and offered him some as well. We ate, talked a little more and I left. Wenesday I stayed home with my husband and children. Thursday I was online and happened to see an email that my husband had sent a female coworker. He had asked her out for drinks. I became irate and confronted him on it, where he denied that anything happened and said that it was a group thing at work. We kind of made up and that night I told him I was going to my mothers house, and he said he was probably going out for some drinks alone. I took my 10 month old daughter over to my moms, and when I arrived she was getting ready to leave.. Not wanting to go home, I called my husbands friend and asked him if he wanted to go out to eat. We went to grab a bite to eat, then drove back to his house and I was there for 20 minutes before another one of my husbands friends showed up at the door unannounced... I asked my friend to not answer because I knew it looked really bad... as soon as this other guy left the front door, I picked up my daughter and left. When I got home, I found a note on our back door from my husband and basically I knew that this other friend who had showed up unannounced knew I had been there after seeing my car, he called my husband who put two and two together... the last week has been h**l. MY husband believes me when I tell him that nothing physical happened (besides Tuesday night when I massaged this guys wrist and knee because I am trained in massage therapy). But he is devastated and claims that I had an emotional affair and that his trust in me is gone... he has asked for a divorce... I am so beside myself.. I really don't think I had an emotional affair... I have been miserable in our marriage failures and I talked to several people including my husbands friend... I know I was spending unnecessary time over there, but I really have no attraction to this guy, and I wasn't looking for anything but simple friendship and an non biased out side ear to listen too... was I wrong and does my husband have the right to call this an "emotional affair"???

Answer 1

Yes he has the right to call it exactly that because emotionally you sort of seeked him out the last week.  On top of that you mentioned you wanted an outsided, unbiased opinion.  Sorry to break it to you but your husband's friend, regardless how close he is to him is not unbiased or outsider.  I really think you really slipped up there.  Nothing major and really since things have been hellish at home, I think your hubby is using that as an excuse for an out.  No one wants to be the first one to say I want a divorce, at least not without major reasons.

Answer 2

he probably just feels a little beside himself or even jealous that instead of talking with him you chose someone close to him who happened to be a guy.

he probably jumped the gun in assuming there was an affair and look at it from his point of view.wasn't thinking rationally enough to put his jealousy behind him.

oddly enough, men are sometimes like women.

if the tables were turned, and he was confiding in a close friend of yours the same way and spent time over there instead of talking with you, wouldn't you feel a little betrayed?

try to get help beyond family and friends.

some people don't like to do it, but for the sake of your marriage, try counseling.

or just try sitting down a having a thorough conversation with your husband.

Answer 3

You created the situation, now Karma has bitten you on the bum, see if your as good at getting out of it as you were at getting into it.

Answer 4

yes.

Answer 5

yes  

man  you need to talk to some one

but not every one

I bet your husband feels like  the whole world  and universe's far away no about your marriage.

that's not kewl

you should  really get a grip

Answer 6

yes it was...you were having an emotional affair. See, when you found out that your husband was talking to another female from his job, you decided to go out with a guy friend. This makes the whole situation emotional because you acted out of anger. besides you guys are married you shouldn't be going to other people for help. you should be going to each other for help. And going to a different guy for help, i mean you probably made it worse. he didnt really mess up because he said it was for work, but you went out with another guy while being in a marriage...wow. one more thing...this seems like a personal issue...y the h**l would u put something like this on yahoo...wierdo.

Answer 7

Sounds like you're both inching toward divorce and at this point, each of you is eager to blame the other.  What you did wasn't smart and adds fuel to his fire.

If you are interested in saving your marriage, I would suggest that you both go to a marriage counselor.  Of course, it might be too late for that.

Answer 8

well imo you should never ever go to the house of a friend of the opposite s*x alone. it just leads to rumors and the situation you are in now.

meet in a public place and keep it just social. or make it a group thing and have guys and girls meet you in a public place.

you may not be attracted to this guy but it just leads to drama and wandering thoughts of are you really faithful or not. same as you felt when you saw the email

i wouldn't go for the emotional affair per say but when it comes to venting to others you should keep it to family or a therapist. friends tend to get loose lips and talk about your business even if you ask them not to.

you even admit you spent too much time at his place, so you know you did wrong.

you know you would pitch kittens if you found out your hubby was at a female co workers house "just hanging out"

it's not proper behavior to do when in a relationship of any sort.

trust me my fiance did something like this and i know nothing happened but i still doubted him long enough for it to cause all sorts of probs btwn us that we are working out and becoming stronger for  

Answer 9

Yes, he is right. Dont forget you accused him of "cheating" and he swore nothing happened and you hesitated to believe him, now the shoe is on the other foot.

You shouldnt have involved his friend at all, because if you dont think his friend will tell him what you all talked about, you are wrong, he will. That will make it worse.

Just try to save your marriage for your kids and maybe go to a counselor

Answer 10

sure!