Is my husband having an affair?

Question

Where do I start, well I think since we came off our honeymoon in Jan 2007 our relationship has gone from bad to worse. More to the point that is also when Kelly (ironically my name) started to work with my husband. Since then he has increasingly gone out. I fell pregnant last April & I would say since then I could count on one hand how may times he has been home on a Friday night. He lost his licence for drink driving when I was pregnant - that night he was out with her for a drink or two & I had rung him because I hadnt felt the baby kick for 24 hours - he told me I should stop worrying- refusedf to come home!! He took her to a restaurant that is very very expensive & at the time I had been dieing to go to. He went out on a night out - didn't come home & turned up the next day at midday. He told me that he had fallen asleep at a friends house. The next week a receipt for a hotel turned up - for that night. He assured me he was there with her & another guy - who she fancied- because it was the only place that sold booze after 3.00am!! She texts him all the time - day & night - I have no idea what she is saying. I am so lost- he makes me feel like I am paranoid & destructive whenever I confront him. Part of me thinks I need to just get rid but the other half loves him????? Am I paranoid?

Answer 1

I would not do anything until after the baby is born.  As difficult as it is, you must concentrate on yourself and your baby right now.  Your husband is showing extreme immaturity.  I am wondering your ages.  He sounds very young and perhaps should not have married anyone at his present level.  It is difficult to deal with issues such as this when one is pregnant and that is why I hope you will try to focus on yourself and baby.  To the degree that it is possible, don't dwell on him and his activities.  After your baby is born, you might want to reassess the situation, but if he can't be there for you now, he doesn't deserve you to be there for him later, in my opinion.  Do you have parents, siblings, friends, or any supportive people in your life that you can discuss this with?  You definitely are not paranoid, based on the information you gave.  It sounds like he has a serious drinking problem which could be the root of his other problems as well, and if so, he will need professional intervention.  I wish you the best, but my main wish is that you take advantage of any and all family members, friends, whoever, to help you during the next several months.    

Answer 2

Yep - he's skeezing

Answer 3

Sounds like he is cheating hun. I'm so sorry to hear this. If I were you I would go to the girl and have a pleasant talk with her about this. If not, you could always check up on him to see what he is doing on his nights out. Don't think your being a bad wife for worrying because every wife would if things like that were happening. Also, don't feel obligated to stay with him if he is just because you are having his baby. You can find a wonderful man who can take care of you and your baby. Good luck hun.

Answer 4

Tell him you want a divorce because of all this.  Life is too precious to live like that.

Answer 5

Cheating, no doubt about it. You know it too. Leave.

Answer 6

i think you should be paranoid. thats not okay for him to be doing that.

Answer 7

Poor girl! He is totally cheating on you and I hate to say that! Why don't you sit down and talk with him first though before accusing him. I know that cheating seems like the ltimate sin and a good reason to end a marriage but think about your baby too. Maybe there is something else going on in his life that he is not sharing with you. You are still his wife and he needs to know that you care. Best of luck and many prayers for you!

Answer 8

you should just leave

Answer 9

Your not paranoid, your stupid. leave

Answer 10

they say if you think he is then he is, In this case not really a doubt. I went trough something similar I wound up leaving when my daughter was 4 days old, everyone told me but I had to see it for myself and I did. he doesn't see my daughter but we are still both better off he now has 6 dui and a prison record. don't wait if you are sure. Love is blind but it shouldn't be retarded. I remember how much it hurt but it will pass, time doesnt heal but it does make it more bareable.  good luck

Answer 11

i think he is. i would call her and tell her to back off. or find out where they are going to be a certain night and see how "friendly" they are with each other. i don't like the sound of here, therefore, i don't trust her. he should be treating you out, not some hussy. nip this issue in the butt ASAP before it snowballs into some sort of disaster. good luck.  

Answer 12

Yes, it sounds like he is having a full on relationship with her right in front of you. What an !@#. My mother and I followed her ex-husband one night to see what he was actually doing. We walked into the bar he and his s**t were at and found her sitting on his lap kissing him. I was armed with a camera and started taking pictures to hand over to the divorce lawyer.  

Answer 13

Geez, the only thing that would make his cheating more obvious is if he had the word "CHEATER" written in permanent marker on his forehead!

Answer 14

Yes, he is cheating on you.  Even if he wasn't why would you still love a man who doesn't want to come home to his wife as soon as possible.  Seems like he is spending more time with her than you and that isn't right.

Answer 15

umm yeah hes cheating!! ur in denial! those are some CLEAR signs!

Answer 16

I am so sorry to hear all this but you deserve better, and your baby deserves better.

DON'T stay with him just for the child! The child is young enough it won't even matter.

Get away from him. Somewhere out there there is a guy who would trip over himself just to be with you and would never treat you this way.

Answer 17

You are sharing your life with a man who only thinks of himself.

How long are you going to tolerate this???

You and this baby deserve BETTER.

Tell him to ship up or ship the heck out.

Good luck - Take care of YOU.

Answer 18

Wow... how can you still doubt that he's having an affair?

Answer 19

What a jerk. Dump his cheating @$$.

Answer 20

No one should put up with that.  Hes very disrespectful to you and you deserve much better.  Tell youself although you feel like you love him, his is not behaving in a lovign way toward you. To avoid more hurt you should prepare to get over him...and start right now by deciding to leave or asking him to.  You may not see it because youre too close to the situation but he's doing a very bad thing to you.

Answer 21

It sounds like he is cheating. Talk to him, see what he will say.  

Answer 22

You're not paranoid, his behavior is not appropriate and I see red flags everywhere, especially when he's defensive whenever you bring it up.  I think he lost respect and if you don't put your foot down once and for all he'll continue to act this way.  So it's up to you if you want to live this way, or set it straight.  Don't let him play you.  

Answer 23

I try not to jump to conclusions, but it does not sound good.  Even if he is not having a physical affair, he is having an emotional affair with her.  He is not being the husband that God requires a husband to be.  

Answer 24

He is cheating... 150%.  You need to follow your gut.  Believe yourself.  

Answer 25

Yes sweetie he is cheating no doubt about it.. I was in your situation with my son and husband. I was 6 months pregnant I just recently gave birth to him on the 24th of August. Everything was great till we came back from our honeymoon too but he didnt cheat with someone he works with it was his ex. We will be married a yr on September 22nd. We had our problems we were constantly fighting arguing about every little thing. Like him being gone constantly helping friends here and there and not wanting to spend time with me and our daughter. I pushed him away so badly and treated him like **** he cheated. And I am not taken full blame either he was stupid for doing it and for wanting to drop everything for everyone else but his wife and kids. I didnt feel my son move for 24 hrs and my husband works oilfield so he was gone out of town I called him and he was like your being paroniad I was sleeping I am going back to sleep. Well in my gut I thought someone was there no doubt his ex was. I had this gut feeling for days finally I had enough and walked into her family's shop and confronted her and found out the truth she had pics of him on her phone, txt messages, voice mails I had enough I drove up there without him knowing and confronted him. I finally got the truth. But every woman is diffrent okay me I am trying to work my marriage out so no one can look at me and say " you didnt try to make your marriage work you bailed on him" I am trying to make it work for myself and so far we have been able to get past everything except her not letting go but we are getting through this step by step but honey none of us ladys or gentlemen for that fact can tell you what to do you know your limits you know what you can take and how much of it you can take. We can keep trying to give you advice and everything but listen to your gut and your own heart you know it better then us. I wish I could be more helpful or any other people be more helpful but every woman and man are diffrent and have their limits. But dont stress to bad plz cause your baby dont need that. And neither do you please if you start stressing if you need someone to talk to write me on [e-mail] okay just dont stress plz

Answer 26

I would never tell someone to seperate but you have got some serious problems with your relationship. I think you need to leave him for a little while and both of you figure out what it is you want. That is not a healthy mariage. Good luck to you!

Answer 27

No you're not paranoid, he's just not man enough to own up to his affair. The feeling that you're having is there for a reason; it's instinct. Plus, you have so many evidence right in front of you, don't just eat it while you wait for him to come home.

Dare to do something about it before it's too late; and do so in a wise manner.

Answer 28

Please tell me that you really don't believe him.  I don't believe that anyone is that naive.  

Answer 29

Gather as much evidence as possible, talk to a lawyer, kick him out, have friends and family stay with you.  start the divorce process and get as much alimony and child support as possible.  You need to get away from him, try to do your best, but get away from him.

Answer 30

Get Rid! He should not be acting like this while married and having children.

Answer 31

Cheaters are liars!  You have to learn that.  You are not paranoid, he's just making you looking stupid.  You know he's cheating...your gut is telling you that.  What you have to decide now is if you want to try to work things out w/him or leave him.  You can work through an affair but it takes both sides to get through it.  Have you decision before you confront him about this.  Good luck.