Is my husband overreacting for me to add one or two kisses in an email to a friend?

Question

My darling husband saw me writing to my best friend a few weeks back and because I'm the kind of gal who is caring especially about my friend I said "I care about you a lot *kisses you*" well, I didn't think any more of it until David started ripping into me after going through my emails.

Its only a hug and a kiss, its not like I'm saying how I wanted to do him or anything. I am sick of his possesive behaviour, its not like he values my friends or anything whats next him locking me up in my room and saying I can't have friends.

Has anyone else has this type of bs with their husband/wife which is so unreasonable. I mean its only a kiss.

Answer 1

You know, I was all ready to jump to your defence on this!

I sign off lots of emails/letters/cards to friends with one or two kisses, and that's what I usually receive too, it's kind of a standard generic salutation, and a mark of friendly affection. If I ever thought it was ambiguous, I wouldn't do it - I know the people I send them to well enough to know how it would be received.

You say about your letter "Its only a hug and a kiss" ... but it wasn't, was it?!  

This is what "only a hug and a kiss" looks like .... "xo".

I think the fact that you prefaced it with "I care about you a lot" and the elongated, rather sultrier version "*kisses you*" was what annoyed your husband. And it annoyed your husband because of the way it would most likely be read by your friend ... it doesn't come across as casual, friendly affection - whether you intended it to or not, it reads like desire.

Your husband has a right to express what he is not comfortable with in your interaction with your male best friend. I think you need to be more respectful of his wishes and more mindful of how your "friendliness" is coming across.

Don't overdramatise your husband's reaction. He is not suggesting locking you up in your room at all, nor is he saying you can't have friends ... and you belittling and mocking his very real feelings and concerns is not helping your cause any.

He wants you to be careful about how you express your "friendliness" and "caring" to your male friends. I think that's a perfectly reasonable request actually.

Answer 2

E-mail, to opposite s*x, sending kisses? Your days are numbered, ya?

Answer 3

yeah but he is only aman. he sees it as the first step to an afir whereas we know its just the x letter on the keyboard and means platonic love. just keep him in check. one days its the x*x in your email the next its your skirt is too short and before you know it your s******g the guy next door  because you weere polite to him in the hall. Its a trust issue. if he trusts and loves you then it has to be unconditional not as long as you dont do this and dont do that. My partner is like your husband but i just ignore it mostly. (and im 100% faithful to him)

Answer 4

I'm not sure about the appropriateness of the whole thing, since it would depend a lot on your relationships with both your hubby and your friend, but I do know that if it bothers your husband you need to address it in some way.

You certainly don't want to let something like this just fester.  Does he have a reason to be jealous?  Does he have a history of being insecure with your relationship?  Why is it an issue for you not to "kiss" your friend?  

For me, I would find it disrespectful if my husband was cyberkissing a girl that I wasn't  totally comfortable with.  Even if he disagreed with me, I would hope that he would respect my feelings on the issue and behave accordingly.  

Answer 5

Are ur friends his friends 2?. Do you send him kisses when you email him 2? Is the friend your sending a kiss to a guy?

Answer 6

First off, your best friend is a male? Shouldn't your husband be your best friend?

Answer 7

Darlin I must say he does seem to be acting very sophomoric and immature over some e-mails, I often do that my self although I usually use the emoticons to send a hug a kiss and a wave goodbye .

of course I have no one to read my e-mails which I think is what my question on this would be. WHY is he even reading your e-mails ?

  as for you perhaps when you send your kisses to need to note there intended destination by directing them to the cheek .

Answer 8

What you did was inappropriate behavior for a married woman. He is correct on this issue.

Answer 9

i don't think so, it could be messing with him emotionally. When was the last time you said  '' i care about you allot''  to him and actually gave him a kiss. My wife said to me the same thing he's just a guy friend until she told me out right that he was a better man than me when i walked in while we were on vacation setting up a time to meet him when she got back and not to tell your husband.

Answer 10

Clearly your husband looks at kisses as an intimate act, meant solely for him.  Unreasonable or not, it bothers him...so it's up to you to decide if you want to continue kissing your friends on-line, or him at home!

Answer 11

i dont have this problem but i know what would upset my husband and vise versa so we try to avoid these things out of respect. i would not write to my male friends in that manner even if my husband did not have a problem with it. i understand that you are a caring person and some people are just like that but i also dont find it out of the ordinary that it upset your husband.  

Answer 12

I think it's inappropriate to type those things to a friend of the opposite s*x. Would you be ok if he did the same? I doubt it.

Answer 13

Sorry, I was raised that kissing was something you do with your hubby and kids and close relatives during emotional meetings.  Anything else is a no-no.

Answer 14

i dont see nothing wrong with doing that! I mean its not like u are grabbing him threw the screen or something!

Answer 15

You didn't state whether your best friend is female or male.  Female it would be fine I'd think.  But if your best friend is male then he sees him as a threat even though he's not.  If this is the case (which is what it sounds like to me) you need to sit down with your husband and have a heart-to-heart discussion with him about it.  Obviously it's making him uncomfortable and needs to be addressed before it's too late.  I have a close friend I wouldn't mind hugging or kissing, but don't, not even in e-mail form, because I respect my husband and know it would make him uncomfortable.  It would even make him uncomfortable if he knew I felt that way even though I love my husband more than anyone else.  

Answer 16

I only send xoxo's to female friends.

Even then my husband and I trust each other that we don't go through each others' email accounts. We could but we don't.

I think if nothing is going on then he is being possessive and untrusting.

It could escalate, but it depends on what you feel you think he is doing more. If he starts doing things you don't approve of in a possessive manner I would tell him that it's time for him to leave, but let's be honest...  this is only e-mail we're talking about right now. Perhaps sit down with him and ask him what sorts of things bother him or not. Make a decision on how you feel about it.

Answer 17

To have "male friends" only leads to problems - would you feel the same if your husband was sending "lots of kisses" to a female friend.

And I'm also very concerned that your best friend is a a he - unless he is g*y.

Answer 18

I take it your "best friend" is male?  Dont you think your "darling husband" should be your best friend?  Perhaps you are genuinely more affectionate than most.  If so - realize that your husband doesnt understand that.  I dont think he's being unreasonable at all.  Turn it around - he is emailing his best (female) friend - expressing his "care" for her and sending kisses.  Would you not be a little suspicious about their relationship?  You and David need to discuss what your comfort levels are regarding your email communications - and then respect them.