Question:

Is my husbands guilt causing him to lose hope?

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My husband and I have been married for many wonderful and happy years. And my husband has always had a intense sexual appetite which we have never had any problems satisfying. But now his job has taken him out of town for long periods of time. Joe is one of those light hearted, fun harmless flirts. and this time he flirted w/ the wrong woman who came back strong and he fell into temptation. He says they were only together one time for about 20 min. Within days he confessed everything to me. Total regret and remorse, tears, on his knees, you name it. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to do, and i have decided that years of happiness, lives of our children, love are too great to sacrifice over one mistake. Now to the point of the question. In the last few months, Joe's guilt has been creating a big black hole. He says that when he's away from us he feels empty, so empty in fact that even talking to me on the phone brings him no comfort. He says that he knows that he loves me more than anything in this world that being w/out me would kill him. He's convinced that he doesn't deserve me or the kids. He's miserable, depressed. Is this normal for him to feel this way. And me, the way I feel? I was blindsided and betrayed and have stood up for what I want and believe, for better or worse, in good times and bad. Now I want him to stand up, be a man and get our lives back on track. HELP

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9 ANSWERS


  1. tell him that if he didnt deserve you and your kids you wouldnt have gave him a second chance.


  2. The fact that you are willing to work on it probably has him still in shock especially if you didn't even take a break from him. So I could see him feeling more guilty knowing he did this to a person such as yourself and also it may be a bit of fear. The old it's to good to be true theory he might feel like you will leave before it is all said and done so fear may be consuming him more than anything.

  3. Sounds like he is deeply ashamed of himself.   If it continues to long he needs to seek therapy to help him deal with the regret.

  4. Sounds like he really does feel terrible. I don't think you can help him, he needs to regain his self respect and move on with your marriage. Therapy for both of you couldn't hurt, it can help in strengthening the relationship.

  5. it means there's more women out there he's sleeping with.  please tell me you aren't this gullible.

  6. The one great thing in your marriage is that your husband was able to go to you and bare the truth to you. You also seem to know your husband and accept his playful flirty ways. This indicates a deep intimate bond between the two of you. The stronger the bond, the stronger the guilt. He is hurting over the betrayal of his vows and takes it seriously. He could use help from a counselor to help him sort out his guilt feelings. I know if I cheated on my husband it would also devaste me. It would kill me to ever hurt him, so I can understand how your husband is feeling. With the both of you in counseling I am sure you both will be able to work towards repairing this so that your marriage gets back on the right track. Good luck to you both.

  7. He sounds like he's beating himself up over the incident, but I doubt if he really is.  Not when you're willing to let it pass.  I think Joe is involved with another woman, and using his "guilt" as a way of getting away from you.

    Sorry.

  8. it sounds like he has slipped into depression hun..either that or hes playing mind games with you, forcing you to overlook the whole "I cheated on you" subject.

    Talk to him, suggest you both go see a doctor for anti depressants, see what his reaction is.

  9. i think you're making the right decision based on what you've said here.  The two of you need to spend some time alone, talk about what happened, clear it all out and hopefully you will both be in a better position to move forward.  

    the dumbest answers i see here state as fact that there's no such thing as someone cheating just once.   i know people that did cheat just once for different reasons.  once, twice or more doesnt make it right but if he made ONE mistake, recognizes and regrets it, then why throw away "many wonderful and happy years"?  work through it together, help him rid himself of the guilt and it will probably help you as well.

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