Is my life beyond repair ? am i completley finished & stigmatised, can i ever achieve my goals still ?

Question

I feel People no i have psychiatric problems & no about my history so treat me badly, how can i deal with it ?

How would you react & survive in an area where alot of people acted strange & aloof towards you maybe because they knew about you and your psychological problems.....and stigma existed about you ?

im 30, had a very hard, traumatic life, suffer with BPD and ptsd, i live alone in a one bedroom flat on disability, i dont own much possessions except an old computer, a few books etc...no carpets on the floor.

i was bullied and victimised severley throughout my life, in secondary school i fought blacks and was also targeted and victimised by gangs of them very often.

because of that experienced, unfortunatly, regretably, i bottled up a lot of rage & i used to have rage attacks and outbursts in public many years ago.,,,,id lash out at strangers....feel i was being threatened....disconnect with mmy surroundings.....get jealous of happy people......pick fights act aggressive and basically lose control of my conduct ' completley' in public.

sadly this happened many times, and ive been very lucky not to end up in serious trouble.

the outbursts caused people to ostracise me, point and laugh at me....avoid me....socially exclude me.....cause me to get publically attacked many times by loutish rogues......causing me public embarressment & humiliation..

this was about 8 years ago, and was because i bottled up anger for years when i was being severley bullied growing up...and at the amount of sheer times i was victimised bullied..

im now building my life from scratch....ive never been employed...never achieved qualifications.....never formed ANY relationships at all in life....ive achieved nothing only suffered.

i have a minor criminal record.

my long term ambition once i had therapy is to emigrate from the united kingdom with a decent paying job....somewhere near the coast.

but meanwhile, here in the areas where i live right now, ive put up with what i feel is echoes of the behaviour i experienced of the past and i dont no how to handle it sometimes, except become angry and aggressive.

i feel labelled, stigmatised, like theres something documented about me as someone to avoid....even though i have no proof of that.

alot of people, the general public are quite aloof, abrupt, distant and unfriendly towards me.

people cross the road if i walk on same side of road sometimes, library clerks...shop attendants...cashiers are all abrupt, aloof....speak down to me , not speak ' to ' me..

condescend me if im dealing with authority figures , like ive lost my own mind and not aware of myself anymore.

people are standoffish....i get funny stares from blacks sometimes or other members of the public.....like im an alien and dont belong in the same environment.

this really confusses, upsets and aggrevates me as ive put up with this for years and ive made great improvements with my behaviour and anger on my own...without therapy.

i feel alienated & ostracised....i realise not all are like this but most seem to be....even the ones that are nice, it seems a false niceness like they feel sorry for me & because they see whats happening to me..

i try not to be aloof back to people but its hard when you been through what i have...i feel very wary & distrustful. understandably.

i really cant wait for the day i can emigrate from the uk, with a good job and a better life because of all this.

i feel people treat me like the village jester, someone to ridicule, poke fun at...the butt of all laughs and jokes.

ive survived a horrific existance you must understand....i try to readabout hollacaust survivors because i feel so alone in my pain and torment....no one i meet or hear about has survived the torture i have,,

ive suffered mental abuse, physical bullying, rejection , ALL MY LIFE- NO RESPITE, NO BREAKS.

im waiting for therapy right now, have come along way in managing my rage...somedays it surfaces though because of the severe ptsd...which i regret because i work hard to stay in control all the time.

i have other burdens like an injured ankle, torn ankle ligaments...i had an mri scan on it last week...have to be careful how i walk on it...otherwise i can twist it and go down.

my life as been a living nightmare & the only things what keep me hanging on is my future goals of emigration eetc.

but meanwhile, how can i handle peoples strange behaviour towards me which is not going away ?

could i be stigmatised or ostracised ?

Answer 1

Honey it is never too late. You just have to work hard at it and keep moving towards the life that you want for yourself. Think positive and positive things will begin to happen. I know that its hard but if yu dont do it for your self then it wont get done and you will feel like this until the day you die. Good Luck!

Answer 2

First of all, I want to convey my empathy for your situation. But pls, don't despair. Your experiences are heartbreaking and I commend you for not giving up on yourself. I think moving away and starting anew would definitely help you. Without knowing you or the people you come in contact with, if the incidents that you were involved with were publicly witnessed, it is safe to say that your neighbors may not have the best opinions of you. But that is their problem. You can only live your life and conduct yourself the best way you know how. You cannot control others' actions or thoughts. The ones that are being nice to you, accept it and allow that to help you. Your paranoia is understandable, but don't alienate others who really may feel compassion for you. Most people shun what they don't understand. By allowing the nice people to see the real you, that you're not a joke, just someone troubled can really be helpful for you to develop social skills. Don't give up and good luck in therapy. Also, perhaps, find a hobby that you enjoy or something  you are good at and work on it. You can gain a sense of accomplishment and maybe make some friends.

Answer 3

Ok I understand that in your past people were really mean to you because you were different then them. I can relate to you. i have PTSD along wit some depression. I was beat up and even had a gun held to my head a couple of months ago. I know what you mean when you say that people look down on you . Like  no one wants anything to do with you.  I have no friends either. Im 30 too. I collect from the state. people are so mean these day but what we have to do is over come our fears and STOP thinking that everyone is out to get us. Yes we had a terrible life in the last couple of years. We have a choice we can either sit here and and feel sorry for our selfs or we can get up and start planning our life. People are always going to think horrible things about everyone. But lets rise above them and be better then them. Lets not stoop to there level and let them do what they are doing to us. You said that you have no work or crediantals . You can get a degree online. I did it. You can do it to. They have student loans and grants available. You must get out of this rut that you are in feeling sorry for yourself and move on to bigger and better things.  You also my want to invest in a councilor. I go to one every week and I feel better after I talk to them. I go in there and vent how much my life sucks! And they always have some sort of positive feedback for me.

At least you are out on your own. You should be very proud of yourself accomplishing that! I live with my parents still! You have a lot to look forward to . Imagine yourself in 3 years. Where and what will you be doing? Visulize how you want your life to be.!

Here is the website of the place that I did my online degree. It is easy. You take tests but they are all open book! I have a learning disablity and I found them pretty easy to do. So can you. Stop projecting negitive things and start be more postive. I believe in you!

Answer 4

Hello,

Never despair, first of all. Nobody is feeding you so don't be bothered by them. Be your own self and try to please YOU. Secondly, please check with your doc if you need any medication. Lithium works very well. Meanwhile do some physical exercise as it will give you a mental high and a sense of confidence. Many people have suffered like this but became triumphant ultimately. Have faith in you, you must believe in yourself. Try to do some relaxation therapy like meditation. You can even associate yourself with some charity works. I firmly believe you can overcome all this. Forget stigmatisation and all. But do check with the doctor. All my best wishes.

Answer 5

I am honestly curious about what happened to you. I love listening to others and learning about their problems and what makes them who they are. Much the same as you, it makes me feel less alone, less different than everyone else.

It seems to me that most people are rude, aloof, downright mean. That is not unusual. But they are like that to everyone. Not just you. A lot of people feel like they are better than everyone else. They are selfish. If making fun and laughing at you makes them feel better, that's all they care about. Nobody cares about the consequences of their actions unless it hurts them. They will do whatever they want, and simply squash the rest of us in the process.

I would like to talk to you more. If you want, send me line at [e-mail]

Answer 6

Posting the same question over and over here, and then not taking any of the advice that's given is one of the things that keeps you in your current sad situation.  If you're waiting to hear what you WANT to hear, you're going to have to wait a long time.  In order to make change happen, you have to DO something.  You can't sit and wait for someone with the magic wand to change it for you.  Even the most baby step is important when you're trying to change your life.  Go ahead and take that step- and you'll feel better about yourself than all the answers here can make you feel.

Answer 7

You sound like the kind of person that blames everyone else for their problems. People have been through a lot worse than you and went on to live a decent life and become a decent person. The fact that you have done nothing but sit on your butt all day and feel sorry for yourself is disgusting. People respond to negativity and you are a very negative person. You have to help yourself. No one is going to make your life better but yourself. No one has control of how you respond to life's troubles but yourself. No one is to blame for the kind of person you have become but yourself. You You You.

If you blame others for your failures, do you credit them with your success?

Blame is a lazy man's wages.

To find a fault is easy; to do better may be difficult.

Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.

Excuses are the tools with which persons with no purpose in view build for themselves great monuments of nothing.  

Answer 8

Simple-  you need to go to a place, where NO one knows you or your past.  move to fairly big town or city.  go to college, do some volountary work, then try and get a job.    ask your doctor if you can be refered to a psycholgist.

I think a lot of it is paranoia.