Is my marriage going down?

Question

ive been married for 6 months and the first 4 months were wonderful! now all i get is im busy im tired , later! he has not once made love to me it is just s*x! i dont want to fall out of love but i think im starting to because i dont want to wast my time waiting around for him to change... i need some feed back on one more last thing to try before i stop loving him and give up! please help!

Answer 1

Marriage is a lot harder than people think. You always have to worry about what you do and don't do and how the spouse reacts to that. He could be tired or stressed. The newness of the marriage has worn off for him. You spend a lot of time wondering what is going on with him. You have to KNOW what is going on with him by asking him some gentle questions. You have to! You can't plan a future for yourself with or without him based upon what  you think is happening. Sit him down after dinner one night and point blank ask him if there is anything you can do because it's obvious to you that he seems bored with you. If your relationship out of bed is vital and fun, then maybe you don't have much to worry about. But if it's ignoring you more and more all the time, then he does seem distracted. If he sincerely answers you back that he is just tired and stressed, then maybe he is. When he answers that, then gently tell him that you feel ignored and unloved and you don't want to keep going like that. If he doesn't love you or has someone else, then he needs to tell you. Don't get angry, don't get petty. Just talk with an even tone. You need answers and don't be satisfied with vague ones.  

Answer 2

Sound like you married a little boy instead of a man.  But he will eventually grow out of it.

It is YOU I am worried about -- you will "fall out of love" with him?  How is that possible?  You can't 'fall out of love" because you didn't "fall in love" with him!

No, you made a choice that this was the man that you were going to love.  You found him attractive, and you worked your way to be with him.  You found out that he likes a lot of the things you like, and he dislikes a lot of the thing you dislike.  He made you feel good.

But there are a LOT of guys like that -- you just didn't find them, so you CHOSE to love this one. And you told him so, hoping that he felt the same about you.  Apparently, he did -- you got married.

So how is it now that you "fall out of love".  It is not possible.  You are very close to MAKING THE CHOICE that you WILL NOT love him any more, because he's a jerk.  He might be a jerk, but he is the jerk you CHOSE to love.  And in order to honor your marriage vows, you need to CHOOSE to love him now.  I'm pretty sure your vows said something like , " . . .for better or for worse . . ." -- and this is the "worse" part.

So the feedback is that YOU need to change your attitude before you end up divorced before your first anniversary.  The fact is, you are going to HAVE to wait for him to change.  There is NOTHING you can do to get that change 'overnight'.  

In fact, there is nothing YOU can do to make him change. He has to WANT to change on his own.  Now, what better incentive could a man have to make changes except for a woman who has CHOSEN to love him even though he is a real jerk?

So the two of you need to seek marriage counseling TOGETHER - him to learn better was to act like an adult husband, and YOU to learn that the joys of success do not come instantly.

Answer 3

Marriage?  For better or worse?  

Answer 4

After 12yrs marriage I think I can help you with this. Marriages go through many stages. It's not all about s*x/making love. The most important part of a marriage is communication. The s*x/making love may come and go but the communication has to always be there. You should not give up so easily. There is an under lying reason he is not in the mood. Talk to him. Men don't like to talk and share 'feelings' like us women do so it may take you a while to find out the real reason but keep trying. good luck. hope this helps.

Answer 5

Well stop just having s*x with him, till he is ready to make love the way you want.  

Answer 6

i think you need to talk to your husband , let him know how you are feeling i think alot of people  have worries in the beginning  because all the excitement from the dating time is over . six months is too soon to give up if i would have given up at six months i wouldn't have my daughter and  i would be no where near as happy as i am today . marriage is hard and you just need to put the work in divorce is not the only answer !!!!  

Answer 7

Your marriage is only going down because you are allowing it to. You guys are already in a rut because you are allowing yourselves to be too comfortable too soon. you need to sit down and talk to him about how you feel. communication is key to a great marriage (or any relationship). You can't just stop loving him because he's having intimacy issues. It sounds like you guys are young. Remember that a marriage is constant work, but it's worth it! Just talk to him and resolve the issue. Don't give up so easy!

Answer 8

You are just starting to get in the swing of marriage and its ups and downs.  It is natural to have questions around the time the "newlywed" syndrome wears off.  Plan a date night once a week.  Send dirty text messages to spice things up.  You won't have the same "sparks" in a marriage that you had when you first started dating...this is normal.  And I should hope you don't just stop loving him bc he is getting boring...that is sad.  Keep the commitment you made!

Answer 9

Some guys are just wired this way they do not know anything about foreplay or actually satisfying there partner they are like wham bam guys you must tell him that you need more then this that you want to be pleasured in many ways not just with intercourse you want oral, you want him to touch you, smell you, kiss your body and just drink in all of your feminine essence.  Tell him that plain old s*x is just that plain and old that you are a woman that needs to be seduced and aroused played with and taunted with desire.  Tell him that smart guys know that the best s*x is when your seeing your wife getting the pleasure and you know your the one giving to her.  Really next time he wants s*x tell him you want an o****m by his tongue that should do the trick.

He needs to be told that s*x is for the guys that do not know how to treat a lady maybe he needs to be shown some tricks talk to him point him in the right direction.  The best advice is given by the person receiving if it feels good let him know.

Tell him he needs to start satisfying you the way you want not the way he wants.  Needless to say he has to stop being so selfish.

Answer 10

No, your marrigae is not going down. It's actually normal for people to get into a routine and forget that a marriage takes work. Try to get him involved in a converstation (for example, i was kinda feeling the same my w my hubby. he loves soccer, i learned what i could about it, and we had a great time talking about what i had learned) Try somerthing out of the blue. A candle light dinner at home, or send him something to his work...just something to remind him that you ARE still there. Communication is the key here....once you two are back on the up and up, bring this up to him, that you feel a little lack in communication. BE CAREFUL how you say it. Do not say it offensively or make it into a big converstation. You may try hinting...After the candlelight dinner and romantic night together, say"See babe, I love it  ALOT better when we spend time together like this."