Is my mom being unreasonable?

Question

Me and my mom get along well at times (I'm 13 by the way) but sometimes her temper gets out of control over little things. Like once when I was 11 I was just experimenting with heavy makeup- not like I would actually wear it in public, I showed my mom and she slapped me across the face about 5 times. Also I play the piano, and she is constantly looking over my shoulder at what I do. She screams at me and pulls my hair if I make a mistake. Once she even ripped my tank top. But she claims she's not abusive because she only gets mad at me when I do something wrong, not for no reason at all. Which is true. But sometimes I think my mom is a little unreasonable. I don't get an allowance at all, but she makes me do chores. (dishes, vaccuming, stuff like that) She says the idea of an allowance isn't good for a teen, and if I live in this house I'll have to do the chores because I want to, not for the money. We go clothes shopping like literally every 5 months or so, and she'd only get me like 2 shirts. She thinks everything above $10 is expensive. We shop at like JCPenney, Plato's Closet, and Target. Also, she's super overprotective about what I do online. I can understand this, but various times she's logged into my AIM or youtube account and talked to my friends online. She also deleted a myyearbook account that I used to have. I want to talk to her about her overprotectiveness but she always claims that she's doing what is right, I know nothing, and asks me who has spent longer time on this earth me or her? Like my mom and I have some nice moments together but I really want her to be a little nicer, so how can I talk to her?

Answer 1

It's never okay for a mom to harm her daughter, and SLAPPING YOU ACROSS THE FACE even one time is completely insane. She needs to know that. Write her a heartfelt letter about how you feel about her hitting you and being overprotective, word it carefully, and leave it on her bed for her to read when she goes to sleep. She'll know something needs to change.

Answer 2

The last time I checked slapping your kid across the face and pulling their hair was called abuse. I think your mom needs some anger management classes! yeah, everybody makes mistakes, especially young ppl but you don't need to be treated like that! You need to have a serious talk with your mom and tell her your not a baby, you need to be aloud to make your own decisions and she needs to loosen up!!! If she keeps abusing you (which she is, even if she say's it's not abuse) you need to go to some one else for help.

Answer 3

first i think she is being not only unreasonable but abusive, slapping, and pulling hair are NOT methods of discipline. i think that is terrible and i feel sorry for you i would talk to me consular at school... i do think you need to sit your mother down and tell her that you are afraid of her and her actions and that you don't like it when your hair is being pulled or your getting slapped... now as far as the allowance that's not bad because technically you live there eat sleep and take baths for free so she should not have to pay you to clean (but i would give my daughter allowance, but that's just me). and as far as the clothes shopping maybe that's all she can afford, and the internet i can understand being protective about that cause there are alot of creeps out there preying on young girls!!!!

Answer 4

My mum is a little like that as well, once she was on the pc and she saw bebo on there. I actually thought she was going to hit me! She made me delete my account and then proceded to read all of my e-mails she didn't talk to me for a week!

I think you should tell her how you feel, and that you would like a little independance. But you have to understand where she's coming from. She's only trying to protect you from the bad things in life, try saying something like that she won't always be able to protect you, like if you go to college or university your mom isn't going to be there is she? Or when you move out she won't be living with you anymore.

Just tell her how you feel, she'll understand because loads of kids feel that way and barely any of them tell their parents anything because they're scared of how they will react (personal experiance) My mum is always trying to get me to open up and i never do, you should tell your mom and sort things out!

Good luck there!! (sorry the answer was so long and probably doesn't make a tiny bit of sense)

Answer 5

I think that is a little unreasonable, especially the makeup thing. You're growing up and you NEED to experiment with new things. I don't think that's bad at all, unless the things that you're doing are inappropriate.

I think that teens need allowance, I get/got $20 a month and I think that is fair. If they want something they can save up for it--that's what they need to learn. They have to know how to depend on themselves more and more as they grow up. They need to think/act/speak for themselves because when they grow up they will need this skill. Without it they won't get far in life.

About the $10 thing, she's right for you guys. Every family has a different balance/"expensive" rate depending on their monthly income, and you should respect that because she's saving money for things that you NEED, such as food and a roof to live under. There are many bills an adult has to pay, such as water, heat, mortgage, gas prices, credit cards (and interest), etc. and she doesn't want to go bankrupt. Just because some people have Abercrombie and Hollister doesn't make them cool. Create your own style with Target clothes and, hey, who knows? You might find a really cute shirt, wear it to school, and then find out that you've become a trendsetter! Also try Macy's. They have some really cute stuff sometimes.

I think the AIM and youtube thing is really wrong. Partially about the whole "freedom" thing, she's doing it for your own protection. But I think that the impersonation part is totally WRONG. She should at least say that it's her (if she doesn't already) because impersonation can be illegal. Like, you know when people are always screaming online about people pretending to be big stars, like Miley Cyrus (which I've seen a lot of) and stuff? That's basically what it is, but on a smaller note.

She's right about the "longer on earth" thing. She DOES know more than you, and believe it or not, she's doing this to protect you. You said it yourself--it's "overPROTECTiveness". She may have went through something when she was growing up that she wants to protect you from, that's the way my mom was. For example, when she was a toddler, her parents let her go out to get bread alone, and she lost track of navigation (and couldn't speak the language very well) and got lost because she went out the wrong door of the Bakery (she eventually got back home with the help of her aunt, though). She still remembers this and therefore wants to protect me even more for this reason (not that I'm a little kid, but she knows how scary it is to be lost now). You don't need to go all "rebellious" on her just because you don't share the same views. Good luck!! :]

P.S. Oh, about the "talking to her" thing, try to find a nice quiet time when you two are together. Don't try and talk to her when she's paying bills, on the phone, etc. because she could get mad.

P.P.S. The slapping is TOTALLY wrong though. That is a form of abuse. Talk to a school counselor--that is totally not right.

Answer 6

wow she sounds like a real ***** sorry to say id ***** just walk out and go stay with a friend if i were u, i do **** for my mom and dad but just because shes ur mom ur not her lil ****** and u shouldnt put up with her ****

Answer 7

Yeah, she's being unreasonable, but not with the internet, she just wants to make sure your safe with stuff like that...

The only thing I can suggest is sit down and talk to her about it.

Answer 8

The bottom half of your note sounds a little unreasonable, and you should talk to her about it. The top half is abusive behavior.

Answer 9

You say that you and your mum get along quite well, so one day when she's in a good mood you could sit her down and tell her that you're growing up, and she needs to loosen up a little to let you become your own person. The whole chatting to your friends online and stuff sounds a lot like her being overprotective, so maybe you could tell her that you love her, but she needs to back off a little because although you know she's trying to protect you, you're a teenager now and though you still need her and always will, because she's your mother, you're growing up and she needs to let you.

As for the money, maybe you could talk to her about getting a paper round or something and actually earn a little money that way?

Answer 10

Best thing to do is go to a family counselor (but idk about money, since the clothing being pricey, this would def. be more than $10)

But, try to convince her that this will give you two better communication. This will let you and her talk from both point of views and you two might get things resolved and become better communicators and she might not get mad or upset when you do something wrong.

Answer 11

I don't think she's being unreasonable. Just ask her nicely, be kind and she might return the favor.

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