Is my mom having separation issues?

Question

Yesterday, my mom completely blew up on me for going out too much. I tried explaining to her that it's summer that I should be free to do whatever I want, and on top of that, it's my last week here before I head off to college. She claims that I don't do enough chores around the house and all I do is "party 24/7" (this is completely untrue. I always do my chores before I leave the house, and yes I do come home late, but I'm not out getting drunk or anything). Now, she forbids me from going out with any of my friends this week and yells at me over the tiniest things and makes me do chores that are totally unnecessary (telling me to wash the dishes when there are no dishes in the sink; etc.). My friend says that it's her own messed-up way of saying she misses me or she will miss me once I leave and that keeping me in the house will allow her to be with me that much longer. Even if it is, she's ruining my last week here and I hate her for that.

Answer 1

It's a mother's twisted way of showing you that she will miss you when you leave.  My mom did the same thing to me before I left for college and every time after when I came home for breaks.  It sucks and it made coming home a horrible experience for me.  

Eventually I got up the nerve to talk to her about it.  I nicely told her that I was growing up and leaving because it was my time to leave home.  She did a good job of raising me, I did well in school and was going to a great college, but now it was time for her to trust that she did a good enough job.  Try asking her to make a list of things she would like you to do before you go out if that's her main complaint.  As difficult as it sounds, try to be patient with her (bonus:  it will show that you're mature).  Remind her that you've just going to college and that you'll be home on breaks and that she can call you while you're there.

Also, while I know you're friends are leaving for college and you want to see them before you all leave, make sure to schedule some family time before you leave too.

You may need to do this a few times.  I've been out of my parents house for 5 years now and when I moved home for a week before moving to a new state, my mom pulled the same act all over again.  We went through the whole thing all over again, just this time it was "Mom, I'm going to graduate school, I'll be home at Christmas time."  

Good luck with your mom, and good luck at college!

Answer 2

Maybe she is feeling emotional about you leaving for college.  I bet most parents do.  Your friend is probably right, unless you might actually be being a rude, incosiderate teenager..

I don't know the situation, but if your mom is paying your way through college and you are acting un grateful or disrespectful towards her, maybe she is mad, I would be!

Just let her know you genuinely love and appreciate her, and then ask if you can go do a couple of the things you had planned on doing.

Answer 3

Oh, grow up!

Yes, she's unhappy that during your last time as her child you're not spending any time with her.

So, give her a break. Spend some time together. Think of something you'd both enjoy doing, and do it.

There's no such thing as being able to do everything you want, regardless of your obligations (and being a participating member of a family is one).

You have only one week before going off on your own where you can do whatever you want (except anything that will get you kicked out, like flunking all your classes). So give her a little of this tiny bit of time.

It won't kill you.

And, yes, the extra fussing is probably separation anxiety. She's spent nearly two decades of her life caring for you, and having to be a parent. It's a shock to the system when that ends.

If you'd shown any consideration for this all summer, you wouldn't have this problem now.

Answer 4

You might not like my answer very much because I'm a "mom", but I understand your moms feelings.  I don't have any older kids but even seeing my 15 yr old go to High School for the first time was absolutely hard on me.  You need to try to understand that it's hard being a parent.  We come to think that we can protect our kids from anything and once they spread out their wings it's hard to accept the fact that they are good enough to stand on their own.  Maybe you should just take the time to sit and talk with your mom and assure her that you are smart enough to be trusted and most of all that she's done a great job at raising you.  Parents just need to be reminded of that sometimes, we weren't born knowing how to be parents so it's hard to finally accept that we have done a good job.  Be patient with your mom.  Someday you will miss your mom, I do.

Answer 5

You don't hate her. That's a very strong thing to say and if you're saying it to her, it will make things much worse for both of you.

I don't know enough, but I bet that she's stressed about you leaving b/c she loves you and wants you to want to spend more of your last time at home with her. And - even if you are doing all your chores - it sounds like you might be being a little insensitive about her feelings about you leaving.

If I were you I'd make a plan with her to do something special together - eat out - or whatever you like to do. I think that will help.