Is my mother being extreme on her advice or is she right?

Question

In a few months I'm going to start the first year of my collage life, so I'm kind of excited and nervous about it that's why I checked the group of my collage on internet before I enroll and lured some people who also educates in the same section I'm going to educate.

One was a second year student so she was experienced and she contacted me saying if I ever have any questions or help I can ask her.

Other one was another girl who will also start new like me this year and will probably be in the same classes with me whole year. She contacted me saying hi we kinda chatted about college life though she kept the conversation long and I wasn't expecting it to go longer myself, I was expecting just a simple nice to meet you.

Since the conversation went too long now my mom tells me to be cautious about people I contacted over the group she said I shouldn't let people get too close over internet before I personally meet them at college, she said I may end up not like those people when I meet them.

The first start to college is troublesome and starting to college by knowing someone from the same class is a plus in my opinion while no one knows each other much yet but when I think about being cautious as my mom says that gets me to thinking further, I don't know anything about those people yet and that other girl is already trying to stick with me ( I know college is scary when you are new and don't know anyone, maybe that's her reason to stick. ) I'm actually not bothered by her for now but I can't stop thinking she may end up being a person who I can't get a long when I get to know at college and when I notice that I may end up in situations where I try to avoid awkward situations that can occur whole year, I just don't want stuff to end up that way.

- So does my mom really have a point or the thought they might be people I wouldn't have liked if I had met them, is a bit an extreme thought?

P.S: Excuse the length of my message the whole college thing is really making me nervous and gets me to think over situations too much these days.

Answer 1

I would say you and your mum are correct. When i first started a new school i contacted people who already went there, but at the same time i was also cautious at the fact that because i was nervous and wanted to 'fit in' i was also vulnerable. I would suggest going to college and meeting the person face to face and making new friends as we all know people can lie over the internet.

Answer 2

I really do understand your Mums thoughts.. Always retain an air of mystery. Do not let people know everything about you, bad friends could use this info against you! Do not be aloof, but be individual and pick and choose who you want close to you - once you get there and suss them out. On computer people can be many things, and often not completely honest. Give everyone a chance but be choosy!

Have a blast, learn lots and excel!!

Answer 3

I believe your mom's advice is just good advice and not out of any kind of extreme need to seclude and protect you. Experience teaches people that when one is approached by a person that offers too much information right away or does not seem to have enough control over the personal information they share with others, this person has a maturity issue and is most probably impulsive to a point that can be self damaging. I would suggest you hear your mother's concerns. She may know that people that have too little personal boundaries have nothing worth protecting including friendships. You mom naturally doesn't want to have to endure the pain of watching her daughter be treated like her friendship isn't worth protecting or saving, but that is what's going to happen when you get involved with people that will not protect themselves.

On another note, college females get abducted at a much higher rate then college males or even high school females. High school females are still being protected and coveted by their parents but that protection and authority is gone when they leave for college whether they realize it or not.  Too many college women do not realize just how vulnerable they are. It's always devastating to a community to hear about another college girl abduction but too many women in that situation do not think it will be them. You are an adult now, and being proactive about your own personal safety is your responsibility as an adult. Please just keep that in mind when you are telling others about where your classrooms are and what your schedule is.

Answer 4

i started uni last year. i met some girls on the first day and they kinda latched onto me..... by the end of the week i was hardly even talking to them anymore but it was nice to have that security in the first week, i think these girls who are emailing you might latch onto you for a couple days but if you find that you don't really click with each other i'm sure you will both find other friends by the end of the week, ones that will last. if she stays latched on, just nicely distance yourself, and she will get the message.

i have completely diferent friends now to when i started and im still constantly making new ones, so don't worry too much about it, as when you get there.... you might feel you need someone to befriend, its better to have that on the first day rather then be on your own and knock your self confidence!

my advice is not to be too picky about friends when you start, be open minded and try to get to know as many people as possible. if you do this, you will find the people who you are compatible with a lot quicker! and just be yourself!!!!

good luck! and don't get too nervous, enjoy it!!!!!

Answer 5

There's a chance you might not like her in person, but there's a chance you might. I think it's unlikely that she is just going to cling to you like glue. If you don't get along she will more than likely pick up on that. You joined the group to meet people right? Well, so did she. I am a very talkative person, especially online, but when I meet people, I can pretty much pick up on whether or not they want to continue talking to me. She is probably just nervous like you and you don't need to be that cautious. Just be sure to be safe and if you decide that you do want to meet her, or anyone else from the internet, that you meet them in a very public place and be sure to protect yourself, which I'm sure you already know.

Answer 6

Your mom has a point. But it cannot be taken out of context. It is cool to meet people online and to converse with them. But its all on how much you make out of the experience. I mean, if you are going to question that, how do you even know the girl is inyour class? It could be some online stalker. Chatting online is chatting online. If and when you meet, and you become cool with eachother then that is great. I met several people online before I started goign to college, but ended up never even meeting them, lol. You just never know. Even when meeting people in person... you don't know how they'll be. You just have to be cautious, but not paranoid.

Answer 7

well it's ok that you talk to her ... but your mom does have a point... it's better if you just not let her know everything about you, and just make arrangements to meet on the first day of school... then you can let her in... it will be easier to break the friendship if you decide you don't like her after you met her, if you dint make the friendship too personal.

Answer 8

Hmm.. your mom does have a point, that you may not like her so you shouldn't get too close over the internet, however you also have a point that starting college can be intimidating (which would definitely be a reason for her to try to get close to you quickly).

I would suggest that you continue talking to her, just keep your replies short and sweet. Don't commit to anything big with her (obviously, don't tell her you'll be her roommate), but if she suggests going to a welcome week event or 2, go for it. If you guys don't get along, it really isn't that hard to distance yourself (in a nice way) later on, since you'll probably be meeting a LOT of people over the first few months.

Chances are, she's probably just really nervous about starting school (just as you are) and trying to ensure she has a friend to begin with makes her feel more comfortable about it.

PS, if your school does a welcome or frosh week, it's a good idea to go to the events. Unless you're really good at just talking to people in classes (I wasn't, lol) they're a good way to meet people. Just saying 'hi' to the people sitting next to you in class on the first day is easy as well :) Everyone wants to meet new people, so they'll be a lot more social then, than when classes have gone on for a bit.

Answer 9

i think she has a point.

but before you get all paranoid

and refuse to meet her; maybe you

could make a new friend up at

college first then take them

to meet her [in a public place]

with you.

good luck! and have fun!

Answer 10

ok you went from collage to college and I couldn't even read the rest because of it.

Always listen to mom, I don't even need to read the question. Mom's have an intuition that you just can't get from anyone else.

Answer 11

You're both right.  The internet can be a great way to meet new people when you're moving to a new area, like going to college.  I use it all the time as a Navy wife when my DH gets transferred to a new duty station.  But I also know that I have to watch what I'm putting out over the internet even with the other Navy spouses because I don't know who they are yet.  They could present themselves totally differently over the internet than they do in person.

I think you're OK with the conversations you've had and you've set up a way to meet someone once you get to college.  She may be someone you only hang out with for the first week or she may end up being your best friend who you room with your next 3 years.  You won't know that until you've met her in person.

Answer 12

Your mother is right I think.  If you select a group of people to meet up with before you get to school, then you will narrow down before you get there who your friends will be and they probably will expect you to hang out with them.  If you see other people after you get there that you had rather be involved with and this new person is a bit different than you and they, they may reject you based on her.  Your mother makes very good since.

Answer 13

The girl probably feels the same as you and wants to make new friends. Talking on the net and over the phone is a good way to help eliminate discomfort prior to meeting. You never know if you will like a person until you get to know them. Take it slow and get to know her she may end up as a great support to you throughout your college years. Its good to be cautious but don't let that deter you from meeting new people. Just because you have met her doesn't mean it will prevent you from meeting others you get along with.

Answer 14

I would not worry about it too much,however I would not give out any really personal info over the internet that would not be common knowledge heck these girls could be guys trying to get close to you to score, or maybe these girls are not as nice as they seem, but they could be great, nothing wrong with chatting and meeting them at college if you don;t like them you don't like them no different than meeting some one live having a few chats in person then deciding they are not your kind of person.

Answer 15

Your mom is right.  We can feel like we are in "good company" on the internet, but people sometimes (actually a lot of times) are different in "real life".  But if you don't actually like the girl, college is busy and hectic enough that you can probably detach yourself from her.  You will meet lots of interesting people "in person" when you are there.