Is my mother being fair towards me?

Question

I am 14 years old and my mother accuses me of things all the time and gives me no privacy. I have two diaries that she read (I threw them away) without my permission. All I do is draw pictures of animals in them and write about summer. She thinks I want a boyfriend because I have two friends who are boys and there is another boy who has crush on me. She refuses to let me pick out my clothes because think I will wear clothes like tank tops, halter tops and mini-skirts. She even spies on me, such as making sure I go to school and I'm on time (School has not started for me yet. I'm referring to last year). She checks my email address and listens to my conversations with one of my cousins (female, 14) over the phone.

I don't want a boyfriend. I really have no interest in dating, boys or that sort of thing. The boy who has a crush on me isn't even my friend. He's very conceited and I stay away from him. The two boys who I am friends with are nothing more than my friends. I hate mini-skirts, tank tops, halter tops and any other clothing of that kind. I don't even like showing cleavage and I never do. I don't even own those kinds of clothes because she buys all my clothes for me and doesn't take me with her when she does. When I talk on the phone with my cousin, we only talk about summer vacation. I have never cut school (I don't even know how). She assumes I might cut school because a few other teens my age have done it (fortunately, not my friends). As for my email address, I rarely use it. And when I do, it's only to check my inbox, which is usually empty. If my inbox ever has any mail, it's spam and I delete it. The diaries had nothing personal in them. Just drawings of animals, entries about my summer vacation and a few stories about fairies, mermaids and princesses I made up (which don't even involve romance, just friendship). I get them from the Disney Princess stories (Cinderella, Aladdin, etc.). I like the Disney Princesses, but my mom thinks I only pretend to like them and that I'm covering up something.

I hear her talking with her friends a lot and she always talks about me. Negatively, that is. I don't what I've done to make her act like this towards me except grow up. Her friends agree with how she treats me. The worst she told her friends is about the time a teacher attempted to rape me when I was 8 years old (he didn't and was arrested and charged). I don't like to talk about that. I know she's only doing all this because she loves me and wants to keep me safe, but she's making me feel like a terrible teenager. I have a hard time making my own decisions (when I can, which is rare) because of this.

What confuses me the most is that I have a younger sister (11 years old) and she treats her the opposite of how she treats me. She spoils my sister. My sister can have whatever she wants and she is very violent. She lies and bullies me. She takes my things without asking. She even threatened me with a knife twice because I wouldn't let her play with one of my video games! She wants a boyfriend. She likes tank tops. She already has a crush on a boy who is 15 (I think, possibly older, but under 18). My mom even allowed her to talk to her (my mom's) boyfriend, who is 34, on the phone unattended until she broke up with him (They had a huge argument). I only talk to my cousin on the phone, who is the same age and gender as me and I can't talk to her on the phone unattended. Yet, my sister was allowed to talk to a 34 year old man on the phone unattended.

I think my mom treats my sister better than me because she is younger than me and my mom has brother who is older than her.

I just want to know. Is this treatment fair or not? I wouldn't know. In my family, children have to agree with everything their parents do, so I don't know what fairness is.

Answer 1

There are no book on the right way to rear children.Each child is different and has different needs and has to be treated differently. For parents it is strictly trial and error. They can only do what they think is best at that given moment. They do not intend to play favorites but they do. That does not mean they love you any less than the other. It is hard for parents to let their children grown up and make their own mistakes. Children will make mistakes and should be allowed as long as the price they have to pay is not to high. That is how they learn and become good parents when they grow up. Parents want to keep their children, children for ever but one day they will be on their own reguardles and heave to make decisions with out help. The sooner they learn how to do it right the better off they are. I am very sorry for what happened to you at a very young  age. This may be part of why your mother treats you the way she does. I do not know for sure. I hope what I have told you will help you to under stand part of what your mother is going through. I can only hope that I have helped you in some way. Good Luck and May God be with YOU.

Answer 2

No, especially if she treats your sister differently. I don't know if you meant he didn't rape you or didn't try to, but maybe she is overprotective because of this? Talk to her about it? I mean come on, your 14, you should be picking your own clothes at the very least.

Answer 3

I think your mom is trying the best she can! Maybe the something happened to her when she was little, like you! Maybe, she was a girl who liked and did everything you hated or never did! Talk to your mom, and about the sister thing, maybe your mom just wants to let her find out how it would be without the treatment. Remember, I think your mom's doing this for your own good! I have plenty of problems worse than yours! You should be less upset than me!

P.S. Let Your mom see this; she might understand what pressure of your little sister taking advantage of things you can't yet!

P.P.S. can you add me? i lik telling people answers :)

Answer 4

no

Answer 5

How sad, you sound like a nice person.  Maybe your mum was a bit naughty when she was your age and is worried because of that.  We are all different and its nice and refreshing to know that you are a nice person with some really nice interests.  Keep up the good work and dont worry about it sooner or later she will realise just how lucky she is to have a daughter like you.  

Answer 6

Your Mom is being too strict on you. But in all fairness, it is probably because she is worried more for you due to the rape attempt. She maybe thinking it has scarred you emotionally and wants to protect you from any and every sort of problem.

You might want to talk to her or write a letter to her about all this, without accusing her. Just be polite and truthful.

Remember that as long as you live under her roof, you do have to play by her rules and that it is always better to have a parent who cares too much than to have a parent who doesn't care at all.

I think the rape attempt has made you kind of the centre of her universe and she worries a lot about you.

Answer 7

The rape attempt may have spooked her, so she's strict and overprotective, possibly to make up for guilt in letting you get into that situation in the first place (I don't know the circumstances of the incident, so I'm just guessing); or she may think you're more vulnerable or gullible than your sister; or she may think guys are more attracted to you than to your sister, due to your age or other factors.

Edit - Maybe your mom treats your sis better because without realizing it, she's a victim of your sister's bullying and is afraid of her and intimidated by her, or trying to be her friend instead of her mother.  Some moms will discipline the gentler, nicer one and let the vicious, scary one get away with things.  This can be because they're afraid, or have given up on her and are focusing all their hopes and attention on the well-behaved child.

Answer 8

For a while I thought it might have been something a normal caring (but overprotective) mother did, until you talked about the teacher thing. I think THAT is the problem, maybe your mom is treating you like this because she possibly feels it could be her fault, maybe when you were younger she didn't really worry and then that happened, and she might feel she needs to make up for it. A possible reason why she might not treat your sister the same, is because she is so preoccupied with you. I really think you guys should go to family counseling because this is affecting ALL of you, your mom, sister and yourself. Try talking to your mom about. Don't bring it up out of the no where saying "we need counseling" or anything blunt like that. Just casually try to talk to her about it calmly, when she is not busy and in a good mood....

Answer 9

I think that's unfair. I understand that your mom just wants to protect you, but I think she's overdoing it. Maybe if you try to talk to her, in a nice way of course, and tell her that you understand that she just wants to protect you, but what she's doing makes you feel bad, maybe she'll understand you. You can also talk to your dad so he can help you with your problem. About your sibling, talk to her, tell her what she's doing's not good, if she won't change, show off some muscles and canines! just kidding... just don't give up on them, I'm pretty sure that they'll change through time. Good luck!