Is my mother being stuck up or am I?

Question

My newborn twins had a doctor's appointment yesterday all the way across town. My mother told me she'd watch my 1 1/2 year old daughter and my 6 year old son because my three oldest started school that day (my 6 year old starts on Monday, he goes to a different school). She said yes, that she could do it. So I take my twins to the doctor and in the middle of the appointment, the receptionist comes in and says "Mrs. Lopez, your mother and two older children are here, can I send them in?" I said, "Sure." My mother comes in with my 1 1/2 year old in the stroller, baby bag slung over one of the handels and my 6 year old in her arms. She sets my son down and says "Caitlyn called and asked me to join her for lunch, can't bring the kids, tootles." and just leaves! The doctor tells me that my older kids can't stay in here, so luckily the receptionist's daughter was there and played with them in the waiting room until the appointment was over. When we got home, I put down the twins and my 1 1/2 year old for a nap and my 6 year old went next door to play with a friend. I called my mom and the minute she picks up and I say hi, she says "I'm not going to say sorry." and I say "What?" and she said "I have to put my social life in front of my grandkids and that isn't my fault!" I was quiet for two seconds and then I said "You made a promise Mom. You told me you'd watch them. That means if a friend calls and says 'Can you come to lunch.' you say 'As long as I can bring my grandkids, because I'm watching them.' How would you feel if someone had done that to you with me or any of my siblings?'" My mom said in a firm tone "Gabrielle(which no one ever calls me), the world doesn't revolve around you and your stuck-up @$$!" and she hung up.

Was I being stuck up or was she?

Help!

Answer 1

"Mrs. Lopez" has 5 kids. rofl.

Answer 2

no,you arent being stuck up. your mother is acting like a brat. she needs to grow up. in the meantime,try very hard to ask for assistance as little as possible. she has proven that she is not reliable

Answer 3

What an irresponsible person. You were not the stuck up one here hun. If that was my mother, she would have no baby sitting rights what so ever!!

Answer 4

She's being stuck-up... if she made a commitment it's her responsibility to follow through on it, not ditch it to hang out with her friends like a 14 year old girl who wants to go to the mall..

If you're not guilting her into watching the kid, or making her watch them all the time, she's being absolutely irresponsible, selfish, rude and ***chy.

Answer 5

Sounds like something my grandmother would do. Your mom is being extremely stuck up and you have the right to be mad. If you had just shown up at her house and left the kids on her door step, rang the door bell and left, then you would be the rude one, but she said, that she would watch them. If she feels that way, you shouldn't let her see them until she can agree to be a good grandmother.

Answer 6

i think your mom was a little rude yes. and next time i would call a friend to watch your kids. not her.

If her social life couldnt be put on hold for an hour for her own grandchildren...she isnt worth the fight.

carry on with your life with your family. its your mothers loss in the end,

Answer 7

omg!!!!!!!! wat a horrible mother!!!!!!! next time she wants to play or watch the kids say "no. go with your friends. your social life is more important then your grandkids" is this a joke?? i know no mother that wud do such a horrible thing.  u are no where near stuck up in this situation!! guhh this is relee making me upset!! =\

Answer 8

Totally her. No matter what she would like to be doing, she said she'd watch her grand-kids. Kids always come first and people need to realize that. A social life can be put on hold. Did she even think about how that made your 6 yr old feel just to be dumped off like that?? She sounds like a very selfish woman. I'd have issues with her.

Good luck!

Answer 9

she was being stuck up and immature

Answer 10

YOU chose to have these children not your mother.  Your mother doesn't HAVE to take responsibility for YOUR children.  Next time hire a babysitter for your kids.

Answer 11

wow she was of course..!

Answer 12

I cannot imagine ever doing something like that to my daughter and if I did she would never ask me to watch them again and i wouldn't blame her. Your mother is very self absorbed and your children cannot benefit from someone like that. Next time ask a friend.

Answer 13

she was you didnt do anything

Answer 14

She definitely was in the wrong. When you tell someone that you are going to do something for them, you don't just back out of it after you've already started! That's an insensitive thing to do, and I would say you have every right to be upset with her.  

Answer 15

Oh damm that harsh. well shes being stuck up. and being a bad mom to u and being a bad grandmom. dont trust her anymore. idk what to say im in shock

Answer 16

I agree with everyone elses' sentiments. It wasn't the best idea for her to back out in the middle of watching your kids, just to go out and have a social life as she put it. What if that had put you in a jam?

Since it all worked out, I wouldn't be too mad over this one incident. But that doesn't mean what she did wasn't a problem. Her tone afterward indicates that she would gladly do it again, and that's what bothers me. An isolated incident is forgivable, but since she doesn't regret the situation it put you in, it sounds like that sort of "split and run" in the middle of babysitting would happen again. Of course there's nothing you can do to change your mother. However, you can control whether or not your kids are put in that situation again - don't let your mother ever watch them again.

Splitting and running in the middle of babysitting is bad enough, but becoming hostile right off the bat is what bothers me. She wanted to make sure that you didn't judge her lack of an apology as an oversight - she wanted to make it crystal clear to you that you and the kids are just not that important to her. This is not about being stuck up - it's completely uncaring, thoughtless, selfish... Pick a word. Your best bet is not to get mad over this - just decrease the amount of contact with her. Maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder? If not, then it's her loss, because she's missing out on her family, but at least you won't have to stress out about the next terrible spot she's left you in.

One of my thoughts while reading this was, have you asked her to watch the kids too many times and she's feeling put upon? Only you would know this. It doesn't justify what she did, but communication on this can help too. She needs to tell you if she doesn't feel up to watching the kids on a particular day, because she needs time to herself. That's her choice, but she needs to being straight about whether she wants to watch the kids for you or not, because backing out at the last second is worse than saying "No" from the start. When she backs out at the last second, it doesn't give you a chance to find a babysitter. So if you want to tell her anything, instead of cutting off contact, tell her that she needs to be upfront about whether or not she is willing to watch the kids for an entire appointment, not just part of it.

Answer 17

1. yes you have a right to be pissed at your mom. I would be absolutely livid!

2. why doesn't your pediatrician allow your other children in the room? That's dumb.  

Answer 18

Your mom was, ooh girl I would never count on her to watch the kids again.  I don't trust my own mother to watch my little girl.  You mom has no respect for you and your family.  Don't ever ask for her help again.  

Answer 19

your mom is in the wrong, just know next time to find a dependable sitter!!!

best of luck

Answer 20

Ooh no. Ooh no. You were definitely correct, and she was wrong. She told you very clearly that you were going to watch your kids, and she backed out of her promise.

Doctor appointments don't even take that long! She could've said, "Can you wait until my daughter comes to get her kids? I'm currently watching them."

But noooo. She chose to tick you off and make a big harry mess.

But the best thing to for now is to call, apologize for getting mad, and to set ground rules for the next time she would watch your kids.

Although, I wouldn't want her watching my kids again. See if you have a neighbor who'd be willing to sit.

Answer 21

If you asked and she said yes, she should keep her word.  I am sure she thinks there is more going on this just this one time.  I would try and find out why she thinks you are stuck up!