Question:

Is my poem good? Honesty please...

by | earlier

The Premonition

Twilight appears within my mind

A dream they may call it

But I find that more will unwind

An omen to the seer

A desire to the poor

The unknown riddle

That seems somewhat obscure

The fantasy of wealth

Shall rot with the essence of time

The nightmare of decease

As the death rope you will climb

Could it be true?

These revelations come into sight

I find that pleasant and evil,

Must arrive then ignite

Hindering time will keep me now

I step forward and slow my tread

For I am unaware

Of what may lie ahead

I conceal my fears

I then detect

A miscalculation

If I am correct

The terrors that shock me

Keep me tossing and turning all night

I veil those horrors

Instead I must fight

This sign advised me

To confront whatÃ¢Â€Â™s there

This one simple dream had saved me

From a lifetime of despair

What do you think? Please be honest.

=]

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It really is a phenomenal poem. Your word choice is unbelievable. However, it is a little dark, but I'm pretty sure that was done intentionally, so you achieved your goal! I like the underlying meaning I grasped, and I think it was beautifully written. Keep writing!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I know, deep and serious... That Louis guy talks the truth in a comedic way. :)
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I LOVE IT!!!!!!

i really really love it

i just dont like the first stanza

it dosent rhyme

and it makes very little sense

BUT I REALLY REALLY LOVE IT!!!!

i really really do!!!!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Way to not try to hard.

4words

4words

6words

4words

Lame
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Quite good you have a very talented gift!

Xx.Shaiya.xX
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Pretty good, but I guess nobody else noticed the misspelling. "The nightmare of decease" It's spelled "disease". I think the poem starts out strong but falters a bit in the 6th paragraph. Miscalculation is not a very poetic word. Try reading the poem aloud and you'll see that the flow is broken by this word. Perhaps "misstep" or something similar. Also the phrase "tossing and turning" is a cliche. Try coming up with your own words for this idea.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Your poems are so amazing, every one of them! You have an amazing talent! =)
Report (0) (0) | earlier
yeah good job;;
Report (0) (0) | earlier
it reminds me of those people who atempt to be deep and serious.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
epic! :3
Report (0) (0) | earlier
this is really good...

i personally have to say thats its one of the best i've ever read :]
Report (0) (0) | earlier
It's really good. Well done i like the hidden meanings
Report (0) (0) | earlier