Is my poetry good?

Question

I know my poem is long, but could you please read it?

This is the second time I've posted it.

Constructive critisism please.

REMEMBER, I AM ONLY 13 YEARS OLD!!!!

My Brother

I wanted you forever

I thought that I would love

And when I first found out

I felt free like a dove

I gave you your first bath

I first brushed your hair

I gave you a mohawk

But you didn't care

The first day you were home

I was filled with glee

Mom compared our pictures

You looked just like me

Sometimes when you cried

I sometimes got mad

If you were in my arms

I'd hand you off to Dad

Now, Dad is gone

It's just you, Mom, and me

I vowed when you were first born

I'd teach you A B and C

Sometimes when I'm mad

I just make you cry

You run and go tell Mom

And I just go and sigh

Mom yells at me for it

On the outside I am mad

But burried on the inside

I'm secretely sad

After all the taunting

The teasing and the lies

I feel so bad for you

I give you a surprise

Because even though

We fight and you tell Mother

I know you will forgive me

Because you are My Brother

Answer 1

OK you said constructive criticism. First I'm not much of a poet, but it seems that you could have saved a few words and played with the language more. The rhyming is very nice but it doesn't stay with you. Once the poem is over it sort of evaporates. Make us see a picture. Perhaps different people will see different things, but that, in my opinion is the art of poetic language: making words that appeal to a wide assortment of folks. I know exactly what you are talking about and I think it will make a very nice "thing" to frame for him when he's older. But disguising the images in language is what poetry does for us. I think you are on the right track-you're certainly a better poet now than I'll ever be. But I suggest you read Frost. His peotry is lovely and what he says is not necessarily what he means.

Answer 2

awwwwww......thats so sweet.

Answer 3

I think your poem is really loving and it shows how much you really care for your brother.....and it's a really good poem also  :)  :) <3 <3Keep writing & someday you could be the next Emily Dickinson.....:)

Answer 4

I Love it.

Answer 5

i loved that! that was really clever. you used your words really well.

Answer 6

thats really good!! i like the message and ur rhymes.  Remember to not expect to much from urself cause u are only 13. it wont help comparing ur work to professionals or watever. believe me, i know. good luck with ur future writing!

:)

Answer 7

How sweet a poem about your brother

There is alot of loving

in the younger years

I see you helped to look after him

thats a big sister

I like the line of comparing

and your brother looks like you

You would get mad because

of frustration of what to do

but you did your best

Quite often the older one would

teach the younger the ABCs

and 123 ( counting )