Is my story good so far? easy to read!!?

Question

yes i know there are spelling errors and stuff so please dont just tell me about that tell me what you think about it good bad needs work anything please dont be rude i didnt write it quikly iv'e been working on it for like 2 months so here it goes

one summer day in a pasture full of clovers, a bautiful black, and white foal was born. it was a female thuroughbred. she was raised to become a racehorse. in the the first few years of her life she was raised at a farm called Sunny Acres. Sunny Acres was a big farm that raised cattle, pigs, cows, and horses. Dancer was a strong horse, she was always nervous around humans. Exept for the farms owners daughter, her name wsa Ashley.

Since Ashley was born she had always said " when i grow up i wanna be a jockey in the Kentucky Derby! " She was now 15 and rode horses all the time and she was planning on racing Dancer when Dancer was old enough.

Asley was the only person Dancer would let handle her, they had a bond.

when Asley would take Dancer and her mother out to the feild she would stay in the field with them and play with Dancer.

A few months had past and there was a terrible hurricane that hit the farm luckley there wasn't very strong wind but very heavy rain that flooded the feilds and the barn. The water was rising very fast it was very loud and confusing for the horses. they had to do something, they had to get out. their first instinkt was to kick the doors open wich luckly worked for the other horses. unforchunatly for dancer and her mother hawk their stall door would not open even with hawks full force kicks. they where both panicking and didn't know what to do. finnaly Ashley comes running out of her house right next to the barn and then opens Dancers stall door. She tried to grab Hawk and lead her out but she didn't move. so she went over to Dancer and walked her out of the stall, following was Hawk.

there wasn't any damge to the barn just the doors needed to get re-done.

A few months past and it was Dancers birthday, She was turining 1.

Ashley was throwing a party for her. everyone in the town came and brought there horses along with. people brought tons of presents for Dancer like a racing saddle and racing bridle some new toys and plenty of treats.

They had a cookout with hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, soda, and ofcourse people brought cake. one person brought a cake full of healthy horse treats like apples sugar cubes carrots and on the non healthy side of the cake icing.

All the horses seemed to love their cake, especialy Dancer. Another person brought a regulare cake for the humans. Dancer had a great birthday and got to play with all her little friends and her big friends.

The next day Ashley decided to try and brake Dancer. This was Ashleys first time braking a horse but she had seen poeple brake horses before and she decided to do it much diferently than those people who would just jump on the horses back.

she first went for putting the saddle pad on. she gently placed the saddle pad on Dancers back. It took 3 times for Dancer to let it be placed on her back. when Asley got the saddle pad on her she walked Dancer around for a few minutes to make sure Dancer was comfortable with something being on her back while moving.

the next thing Ashley went for was the saddle. she kept the saddle pad in Dancer when she very gently placed it on Dancers back above the saddlr pad. it took a few times for dancer to be fine with something heavy on her back. once again Ashley walked Dancer around.

the next thing she tried to tackle was putting the girth on.

Ashley knew to be very patient and calm with this prosses.

putting the girth on was the 2nd most dangerouse thing with trying to brake a horse. It took the rest of the day to tighten the girth to a reasonable lenghth but Ashley acomplished it.

Answer 1

I don't eat half-cooked food, or wear clothes with only half the seams sewn; why would I want to read something with the spelling and grammar left unfixed? That just tells me that it's not worth reading.

Answer 2

you have some good ideas. I have some constructive critisism for you though:

1. you need to go into a little more detail. do you know much about horses and breaking them? maybe you should do some research.

2. you tend to write in short sentences. you need to join some of these together. eg it was a female thuroughbred. she was raised to become a racehorse.

could be: It was a thoughbred filly who was going to be raised to become a racehorse at the sunny acres farm.

3.I know you said not to worry about spelling but if you get people to critique your work you should make it perfect as possible. bad spelling makes it hard to read.

4. you should fill in a few of the gaps. instead of going straight from dancers birth to the flood, put in a little more information about the farm or Ashley or the horses.

5. I think it would make a great story if done well. Could be a great childrens book.

hope this helped  

Answer 3

Yeah thats pretty good.

I didnt read it, but its not bad at all.

Answer 4

It's a bit too fast paced. Try to stick to one event for at least a couple pages.

Also it lacks description. You need to be more specific when describing things.

You also need to try and be more realistic. Just think to yourself if what you're writing can actually happen in real life.

Answer 5

It reminded me of reading Black Beauty when I was a kid or seeing Elizabeth. Taylor in the movie.  I didn't "feel" originality or spontaneity.  Actually, it was humdrum which in my book is a lot better than boring.

You had a glaring error.  In the early paragraph Dancer frolicked in the field for years.  Then later she's turning one.  Of the material I've read on horses they ALL turn 1 on Jan. 1 so that year's foals can compete as a group.

You have Dancer practically pulling a pony cart it's so idyllic  Mares aren't usually trained to be in competition--they're for breeding.  Just think back to the last Belmont Stakes? KY Derby--one female.  If she really was to be trained it would have started as soon as she was weaned.  And no trainer or owner is going to let a 15-yr. old fool w/ saddling her up.  The first time she's going to react, shall we say skittishly, to something on her back.

Oh, & in the 1st paragraph I didn't who Ashley--the girl or the horse.  Clarity counts.

I just skimmed the rest because it was beyond the realm of possibility for me.  I think you should continue--you obviously have a passion for writing.