Is my therapist treating me correctly?

Question

If you're a therapist, it would be helpful, or if you've been in treatment and are familiar with therapy. I was in a very abusive relationship, yet strangely still have feelings for the abuser and have been in denial of the abuse. She has been very patient for months, and slowly hinting that he is abusive. I am slowly realizing it from some of the hints she drops, but why wouldn't she come out and straight out say it? Especially since it's been 6 months and for the first 3 months while I was seeing her she didn't stop me from seeing him even though I'd come back to report all the abuse. Is that her role, to mostly just listen? it's like I was ready for someone to give me a wake up call but it's like really really slow one... Am I supposed to come to figure it out on my own and in the meantime she is there to point things out here and there and just listen? Don't get me wrong, I think very highly of my therapist and wouldn't change her for the world, she has helped me more than I would've been able to without her and I think the world of her, but am just wondering about how therapy works!!!

Answer 1

Am I supposed to come to figure it out on my own and in the meantime she is there to point things out here and there and just listen?

YES that is her role, think of it this way if right away she belted you with you need to leave that abusive jerk would you have listened to her and realized what was right in front of you or would you have been angry with her  

Answer 2

You are in a very vulnerable position and I think your counsellor has done the right thing, you have now realised that you are being abused and you have realised you want something done about it.  Please don't be upset with your counsellor, but instead maybe you could say to your counsellor that you are ready to do something about this abusive relationship and ask her advice as to how to get out of it.  She does have to been very careful how she treats people who have been abused and has guidelines to follow and for instance, if she jumped straight in and said "leave him" she would be in breach of of her training, and your trust.  Had she said this in the begging she could have frightened a potential client away for ever, and they could end up in a worse situation.  

I hope this helps, and please consider going back and asking for more direct help in how to rid yourself of this abuse and make it clear how desperate you are to do this, as unless you do this they will be unable to take it further.  You are the one who needs to make that decision, they cannot make it for you and that is the bottom line and that is why she has waited for your confirmation of this.

I am sorry I have been so long-winded but I think you will understand why.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you are set free from this awful ordeal.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

There are different types of therapy.  Your therapist is using the technique she feels would work best on you.  

If she would have come out and told you that he was abusive, you very well could have gotten mad, and probably would have, and never come back.

Another possiblity is that you make have another psychological disorder that she has discovered, and figures this is the best way to treat you.

Answer 4

Her place is to help you help yourself. Nothing more. If she thought your life was in danger, she could call the authorities.

It is not her job or her place to tell you to leave someone. If she did the minute you walked in, you would have told her she was crazy, and never gone back. When you realize a truth yourself, it means more to you.

Answer 5

No. therapists should guide you, help you, advise you, not just listen and give hints to somehow make you realize things.

Answer 6

Yes, she is. She is NOT a parent who will tell you straight up "This is how you have to live your life" "don't see that guy" etc.--you have to come to your own conclusions. That's why she has been "hinting", to make you realize it yourself. She has to do that b/c you are in denial over the abuse and won't chuck the abuser! That is also why during the first 3 months she patiently listened each time you came back from an abusive encounter. You're right that you wouldn't have gotten this far w/out her.  

You have to do some work also, You need to reflect on the people and situations in your life, sort them out, see how they fit into where you're going forward to. Therapy doesn't "work" in 3 sessions, like in the movies. It's can be a long, many sessioned period of time.

Keep at it...you're life will be better.  Good Luck!