Is my wife having an affair?

Question

My wife told me about a month ago about a guy from work that had been asking one of her girlfriends who she was and wanted to get her phone number. This weekend one of her colleagues was having a party. It just so happens that this guy was at the party and told the girlfriend to invite her.

Now the story from her is while at the party the guy came over and asked for her number so she gave it to him. I asked her why she would do that knowing this guy is interested in her. Some days later, I found a suggestive t-shirt she seemed to have ordered online, and suggests that she loves to give blow jobs. She wore it when she went out with her friends the night before but hide it inside her shirt.

I also noticed when my wife was on her PC that she would always continuously minimize a chat window whenever I walked by. After a while I got upset by this and told her, she said she was talking to a guy who was just a girl friend, and the reason she didn't want me to see what they were talking about was because she was complaining about me.

I was livid. When I told her she was lying, she broke into tears and admitted that she had been flirting online with the guy from work. She said she has no feelings for the guy, that it was harmless. She agreed to cease contact. It would be easy anyway, she said, because the guy was quitting his job and would no longer work at the same place as her. I am confused about all this and how much I can believe her and what else she has been hiding from me?

Answer 1

there is a bigger issue here...u need to talk to her to get to the bottom of it...women USUALLY do that sort of thing because something is lacking at home...not always, but usually.  Fix what's missing, and u'll be sure she isn't hiding anything...

Answer 2

She is doing it to get more attention from you and for you to show that you desire and want her etc and not taking her nor her loyalty for granted - that she has other people interested in her.

Not exactly healthy nor grown up, but it is saying something is lacking.

I think she is saying the truth and really isn't having an affair.

You could have noticed this and nipped it in the bud 'a month ago' when she first told you that a man at work was interested and asked for number - showed her some interest then!  May be it wouldn't have gone that far.  + it was 'after a while' that you got upset with her hiding her chats from you! Lucky, you didn't turn a blind eye til she goes as far as having an affair to get noticed, eh?

Work on your relationship.  Her needs are not being met and she is feeling that you are beginning to take her for granted.

Work at your marraige, take this chance to clear up a few things and get each other's needs met?

Good Luck

Answer 3

to be honest man from what you said i don't thing you should trust her again. because you gave her your trust before and look how she repaid you, you need to understand when a girl is playing with your head. because girls one thing the are good is mind game no matter what they say you can never truly know a girl. who said it was harmless maybe she gave him a couple of ******** before she decided to end it. and to be honest she should not be giving her telephone out to people who are trying to get with her.  

Answer 4

She was probably just feeling good with all the attention.  I don't know her age, but now that I am past 40 and have been in the same relationship for 20 years I certainly was drawn in by friends who made me feel young again.  That feeling is only temporary.  Try to talk to her in a non-confrontational way, ask her how she is feeling on some days just out of the blue.  See if there is something you two can go out and do or get together on.  My husband is not a social person, and I am.  So it is difficult to find things to do together.  As long as you are both doing things together as a couple I would not worry.  But if she is avoiding you altogether, then you both need to talk to each other.  

I am having a difficult time explaining this stuff to my husband.  He doesn't understand that part of our relationship is our every day interaction.  He doesn't count things like having coffee together in the morning as spending time with me, however, I do.  See if you two are on the same page with your needs and wants from each other.

Answer 5

well it seems to me she has cracked the door for some type of reltionship with another man and who knows how far she will open it. i mean if she was keeping it a secret from you then theres a big red flag ! trust is one of those things i personally hold very high on the scale when it comes to relationships and if your having doubts about her honesty with you , well for me it says its the beginning of the end. once trust is lost its nearly impossible to regain and really taints the whole relationship you have with that person. i guess you just have to go with your gut feeling on this. good luck.

Answer 6

This is a easy fix. This is the way to find out what she is doing online. There is a program that you can download to the computer that saves all key strokes being made on that computer, So you will see all that she is typeing. The program when downloaded she wont be able to see it on the computer. You can get the program for free at www.freewarefiles.com and it is called keylogger. Hope this helps/./

Answer 7

I feel for you..... coz she is manipulating you...

Tell her you want her to quit jobs tomorrow,

change her cell number today,

And cancel the internet for a while

Trust is tricky, and once she started this, you have absotuley no clue what she is really up to.

(AND WHY ON EARTH DIDN"T YOU GO TO THE PARTY?)

And from now, it is you and her, she should not have that freedom anymore coz she lost it....

The guy is not quitting his job,

And she is messed up for complaining about you, to anyone else ESPECIALLY A GUY.

Answer 8

You can't believe her. All you can do is just hope its not so. She could be hiding plenty from you. My ex-wife did the same to me and ran off with the guy. The mistake I made was I making her aware of what I knew. The two things I would do if I could do it over is. Stay quite act normal and really watch. Such as check all communication, Text messages, computer e-mail, chat lines. I would have also gone to the man she was sleeping with and told him if you talk to, ask or even think of my wife again it will be the biggest mistake you ever made. Even knowing all of this there really is not much you can do because in the end she will do what she wants to any way.  

Answer 9

answering your question: yes,it is possible she has somebody else.

Answer 10

Hey this sounds like what most of the ladies complain that their husbands do who cheat . Maybe she feels she needs a little spice in her life. time to turn on the charm and prove to her why she has caviar at home and that it is unwise to look for take outs elsewhere.

Romance her, love her, sexually overwhelm her, do what ever you have to to ensure that her love stays with you and in that way she wont be even slightly tempted by outside flattery.Send her some racy sms txt messages .

Isn't this what we all fantasize about that the woman of our life do for us if we ever think of straying?

Jokes aside ...there may be an issue in your marriage that is unresolved that is causing a problem. Sit and chat nicely to her without being angry and ask her what it is that she thinks she needs that she is not getting at home and then SHUT-UP AND LISTEN.

When she is finished DO WHAT SHE NEEDS

Of course if you don't care anymore - it doesn't really matter does it?

Answer 11

the only was for you to find out if shes cheating is for the both of you to sit and have this conversation know if she says no its up to you whether your going to believe her or not and if she admits it its also up to you whether your going to forgive her but  

Answer 12

Sounds like she is guilty to me.  If she wasn't doing anything she shouldn't be then she wouldn't have anything to hide.  Been there and done that with my ex.  I found pics he had hid in his car, and numerous other items,  I had to do the detective work myself, but when I got all the evidence I needed I confronted him, and like your wife he broke.  I had no choice but to get divorced because he had broken my trust, and personally I was not going to live the rest of my life wondering when he was away from me was he being faithful.  Once trust is gone it is almost impossible to get it back.

Answer 13

Have some self respect...hire a PI and get separated. No one deserves to be treated like that. Ask her to move out while you guys "work things out".

Oh yea I'd burn the ho shirt...

Answer 14

This is exactly what happened to me.  My EX husband would tell me about this new secretary at his job that was after him.  I told him to watch out because this wasn't healthy and things could escalate.  He said it was nothing.  He would go to office parties without me.  He eventually left me for her, they have a kid together and are still together.  I moved on and I am now married, but that's not important right now.  You should sneak up on her at her job for lunch often.  Give her a gift of a nice picture in a frame of both of you so she can put it on her desk.  If he is still working there, in which he probably is, I would talk to him and rip him another one and tell him to back off!!!!  She is obviously loving the mental affair in which WILL lead to a physical affair.

Answer 15

I am soo sorry to hear about this.  This is such a hard question to answer, I understand your in a predicament that you don't know what to do, but you need to figure out how much you are willing to risk to try things from start.  If you already know you want to work on this, you need to tell her everything from how your feel, to how inappropriate this was that she did this.  I bet if you asked her if the roles were switched, she would be down right in a rage, im sure.  She should have had her main focus on taking you to the party, this was already a sign that something was up.  Don't let her play the victim and cry to you that she made a mistake, she will soon learn that you can forgive easily and take her back,...she is a married women and took vowels, she needs to remember that and if it even takes the fact to make a shirt online and having to WEAR that when she goes out with her friends!! Good Luck, I really hope things work out, because nobody deserves that treatment!! BESTWISHES!!

Answer 16

sorry dude if ur wife wasnt having one. she was planning on it. i wouldnt trust i would break it off. b4 she does hurt u

Answer 17

I's called an "emotional affair".  If she kept it secret she KNEW she was doing something wrong.

Answer 18

I wouldn't trust her as far as I can spit!

A married woman wearing a shirt like that in public, is nothing better than a hoe and or trailer trash!  It sure didn't represent "married" now did it?

So what if this guy will be working some where else now?  People don't have to work at the same place to see each other.

I'm sorry, but all the signs are there that you don't have the nice, decent wife, I"m sure you thought you were getting.

Answer 19

It sounds like she's thinking about cheating, but she hasn't, yet.  Now is the time to find out where the relationship is going wrong.. is she getting bored?  Was she just doing it because she thought she could get away with it?  You need to sit down and communicate now...go to counseling, if you both agree.  Give her the benefit of the doubt....

There are a lot of other people here who will say that she HAS cheated, emotionally... but I think she may have just been building up her ego.  

Answer 20

that's a hard situation to answer but you know your wife on a level no one else knows her and only you can really decide what is going on. by the info you've given me i would have to say she is cheating. my only tip is DONT go crazy and emotional and stalk her cuz that hurts the relationship that's already being strained. but ask her  what's been going on if she tells you then you can move on if she lies go with it cuz it's gonna blow up in her face later on and then you can decide what to do

KEEP HER

GET A DIVORCE  

Answer 21

To some degree she is cheating on you.  One can't know though if it has gone beyond casual flirting or not.  The key here is that you now know that your marriage has some problems and you need to focus not on her possible cheating but instead focus on figuring out what the problems are in your marriage and how to fix them.

Answer 22

She feels guilty that she got caught.  And she shouldn't be hiding anything from you if it was innocent.  I have guy friends and my bf has girls who are friends as long as that is all it is then there should not be an issue.  But she cried only because she got caught I would not trust her at all she was thinking of cheating.  Leave her because now, you will never trust her.

Answer 23

I think she is in some kinda crisis she is looking for attention , now I dont know how much you give her only you know this. Or is she just the kind of woman who needs more of what can be given?

Is this typical of her ? something is up for sure I think she doesnt feel pretty enough its defo low self esteem. Did you play a part in this?

Dont be taken for a fool

Answer 24

Depends on whether you consider on-line contact an affair or not.  

I would have a heart to heart with her about why this has happened and why she needed to hide it.  It may be that you need to step up too- to pay more attention to her, understand her needs.  She obviously told you something before this happened that a guy at work wanted to know about her- she was trying to be honest. That she went to a party apparently without you but with your consent is another question to ask yourself.

I would also ask/wonder if the subject of the t-shirt is something that she does NOT do with you.  Why did she need to hide that also?

Be kind to her and try and find out but give up the macho stuff while trying to find out.  Maybe you both would be better for this.

Answer 25

http://www.spyarsenal.com/familykeylogge...

its free and works well

Answer 26

I would not trust her at all.She is willing to lie to her own husband and think it is okay.Be very careful dude she is not trustworthy.

Answer 27

She got caught that's the only reason it stop I wouldn't trust her dude.

Answer 28

if it was my husband, i would pay him a surprise visit to his work at lunch time to get a full view of what's going on. maybe it was innocent, but she shouldn't be doing that to begin with. and minimizing chat windows, hiding that shirt under her jacket, sounds like she knew what she was doing was wrong. id play spy for a bit and see what i could find before confronting her again. u could always have a lil ol "talk" with this guy!  

Answer 29

She got to the edge, but be happy she didn't jump. Its understandable you are upset, but realize that nothing happened so you guys can still work through this. Take it for what it is and realize that she is missing something in your relationship that she felt she needed to find with this guy...so figure out what it is and fill that gap so some other guy doesn't have a chance to.