I have always felt very awkward being around people and I hated company. I don't even like being around my own family. But everyone tells me that is very bad and that I need to change for my own good and for the future because it would be very hard to find jobs. I don't understand how it would be hard to find jobs though, I do work well with people when it is really needed and I have never had problems in group work at school. Even though I never talk to my classmates I do perfectly fine while working with them. Even though how many times I have said it is my lifestyle and it's what I like, and my lifestyle isn't a criminal lifestyle or anything, but they still all say it is a very bad lifestyle and I must change it.
When I was very young, I was happy with my family, but probably because I didn't know much and I was happy to learn things from everyone and didn't have my own views. But still I hated having friends at school and I would never talk or play with them. I didn't understand why my teachers thought I had a problem when I was having fun spending my break times just running around. Teachers thought I was just very shy and tried introducing me to others but I never wanted to. In fact once, they got a school counsellor to talk to me. Not just when I was young, every school I went too, the teachers have always felt something was very wrong with me.
When I became a teen, I even started disliking being with my own family and since time when on, I always argued with them for everything because they liked to bother my life all the time, but I wanted my own life. The only times I was really fine being with them was when they were like teaching me how to cook or something or they were asking me to help with something, but usually only during times when I wasn't already doing something else because I often find it annoying to be disturbed while doing something. Every other time they wanted to say something to me, I find it very annoying because I find it unproductive and would rather do my own personal things and I don't like talking to them about random things and especially what I'm doing, what I'm going to do, did I do my homework, chores, etc. I just want to be left alone!! I also hate going to family and friend gatherings, etc. Since my family is also quite big and all the rest of them have lots of friends, we often see each other around when they visit. I hate being invited out at all random times to chat with them so when they come I would just say hi, serve them a drink or something and then just leave them alone. I also hate it when people keep talking about me or asking me a lot of things. Some people said it was rude as well, but what can I do? I just hate being social because it hinders my life a lot. But eventually they finally usually left me alone when I kept insisting each and every time. I don't know why but having my life interfered in anyway that's not a must is extremely annoying and I hate it a lot. I sometimes still find it hard to help and get help from others, but I can understand that, but only during times it is really needed I am fine with it if I'm not too busy.
These days, finally, I made my family leave me almost completely alone (after a lot of heated arguments) since I have became 18. My family and their friends never talk me to unless we need to help for something. I live almost like I am alone, I buy and cook all my meals, wash all my own clothing, and clean my own room, but I still have to share cleaning the common areas like the sitting room and kitchen. So I finally have sufficient peace and freedom now for 2 years. The only thing I lack is living in my own flat alone. As soon as possible after I graduate and earn enough money, I will rent a flat (not buy yet because extremely high cost of housing and land in my country).
In short, I really hate talking and being with others unless we are helping each other when it is really needed. I never want to be interrupted while doing anything unless it's a very good reason. I am basically only happy while I am alone, and that's when I have the peace and freedom that I need.
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