Is not being able to afford another child a good reason for adoption?

Question

I decided not to have an abortion.

I don't know where I would pull the money for daycare, diapers, formula (mostly weekly daycare)...

So I was thinking the baby might be better off with a more financially secure family.

My alternative would be to sell my house and move in with my parents with my other two kids and the baby into two spare bedrooms.

i make 47k per year, but it still doesn't seem like enough.

Answer 1

While I think financial reasons are often part of complex circumstances that cause mothers to choose relinquishment, I don't think that it being the only factor is a big enough obstacle to prevent you from parenting your baby if you want to.  It doesn't sound like your financial situation is impossible to work with at all.  As people often say, the circumstances that lead to adoption are often temporary, and adoption is forever.  You are already thinking of ways you could make it work.  If you can, you will be the best thing for your baby.  Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

47K is plenty of money to raise 3 kids...maybe you're just looking for an excuse to get out because of the father's actions??  Hundreds of thousands of people raise children on their own with much less than what you have.  Try rearranging your budget (if you have one; if not create one and stick to it).  If you really think you don't have the money for thoes things try getting financial assistance from your state, but don't let your worries get the best of you.  Once the time comes you'll figure out a way.  God only gives us what we can handle, and obviously he thought you could handle another child, even without the father!  Good Luck!

Answer 3

This is a personal decision that only you can make.  I applaud you for not having an abortion.  However, adoption is only something you and the bio father can decide.

You indicated that you have an alternative if necessary.  If you are looking to make an adoption plan for your child because you feel that he/she could have a better life, then that is a good reason to create an adoption plan.  However, if you are considering adoption just to make it "easier", then I would say that it isn't a good reason.  

But again, it is a personal decision for you.

Answer 4

47 a year is pretty good but like you said it isnt enough. if there is any doubt please give him up to a more stable family. dont burden the child because you have to make ends meet somehow. he doesnt deserve it. you are doing the right thing,

Answer 5

I am a mother of two and have worked as a birth mother counselor dealing with parents who are in the process of choosing whether or not to place their children for adoption.

Not being able to provide for your child is a very common reason that parents choose to place their children with families who are better prepared to raise a child and give it all of the advantages you could ask for. However, this is your choice and you need to make sure you are doing what is best for YOU and for YOUR baby.

There are many good adoption agencies who will help walk you through the process and even allow you to choose the family that your child is placed with. If you want an open relationship with the child and the adoptive parents make sure that is clear up front and that you do not back down from that stipulation.

You'll be in my prayers.

Answer 6

My only comment to you is that your child may not be better off with another family, so think about that. My son was raised in a household with 2 drunks who were mysteriously absent during the homestudy.

Answer 7

If you feel comfortable with adoption then do it. I know of a couple right now looking for a child and having a really hard time, so there are people out there...I could not give up a child of mine. I would have to do whatever it took to keep the baby.

Answer 8

Not being able to afford another child is not such a strange reason for giving a child up for adoption.  I know this is an unpopular opinion, but that is what I did.

Regarding finances, there's the other children to consider...When I made the decision, I had four.  I needed to consider their lives.  We already were barely scraping by when I got pregnant.  I didn't feel that it was going to be fair to them to have to scrimp more in order to afford another child.  (My husband and I did not feel right about having an abortion.)

The solution was an open adoption.  He went to a couple we knew who had been trying for more than ten years to have a baby.  It was the hardest and most rewarding things I have ever done.  

Our birth son grew up knowing us and who we were (his birth parents) and now he has two families; his parents and his birth parents; his siblings and his birth siblings.

Do what you feel is right for you, your children and the unborn baby.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

Not being able to afford your baby could be a good reason to think of adoption. You will have to think of how having another baby will inpact your life as well as the three childrens lives. If you think it will be negative then maybe adoption would be a good choice. But sometimes even when you think things may not work out and you don't know how your going to make ends meet you are able to figure out a way if you want to bad enough. I don't think anyone who chooses adoption is selfish it takes a lot for a women to realize her child may be better off with another family and give it up. What ever you choose I'm sure it won't because you don't love this baby. I wish you the best. Just do what is best for you and your family.

Answer 10

I don't believe its reason enough. But I also was not placed for that reason.So I cant speak for others. In adoption you can never guarantee that child will be more financially secure. Life happens and money situations change in the blink of an eye. Your blessed to have family to help you.

Good Luck

Answer 11

It is a totally personal choice and I think your reason is valid.  Even if the father does not want to be involved you can take him to court for child support which will help pay for child care etc. Also with a  family of four you may qualify for food stamps so that will help on the bill.  Now if he is a real bum he will quit job or be late on his payments leaving you high and dry. Then adoption is an option.

Another one is still move in with your parents and rent your house out for  the mortgage or at least half of it.  The house will be paying for itself.  Untill you can get back on your feet.  But you will still have to pay for repairs etc and renter do mess things up.

You have lots of choices and no one can tell you what to do  but adoption is a valid and good choice. You can go through a private agency and  pick the family  and even do an open adoption

Answer 12

The father of your child may not want to "be involved" in his child's life, but he is still financially responsible.

Sadly, people (some couples and some singles) not being able to afford another child is now a major reason why families in the US must choose adoption to provide for their children.

I suggest that you see a financial counselor to get some ideas on how you can avoid adoption.  How open are your parents to you moving in with them?  Multi-generational families are a joy to some (we are on the joy side) but a horror to others.  If your family is the joyful type, this is a practical option.

I wish you all of the best on your decision.

Answer 13

honestly, i can't tell you what to do, but owning a home and having an income of 47K is a lot better than most moms have.

regarding financially secure: divorce, bankruptcy, lay-offs and all the social ills due to our economy equally affect aparents.  so the very same situation you find yourself in, the aparents might also be in as well.  so will your child 'really' be better off???

i would strongly advise you to consider your options. there are programs to assist with childcare, and many 'frugal mom' websites to help you stretch your dollars.  

i just think you should seriously consider the long-term effects of this, to you, the child and your other children.  your baby is YOUR baby. not a gift for someone else.

if you want to chat, please let me know and i'll give you my private email...

Answer 14

I think that if you really want to parent the child - you will find a way.

Perhaps making up a list of the pros and cons.

I would also suggest reading fully into adoption - all sides.

Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem - so you need to think about the long term ramifications of relinquishing your child - both on you and on the child.

I had a wonderful adoptive family and life - but my adoption didn't 'need' to happen - it only happened because of pressure from society and from my grandmother - and the feelings of inadequacy my mother felt of herself when considering adoption or parenting of me.

On finally finding my first family - I realize what I have missed - as we are so very alike - whereas I felt so different to my adoptive family growing up.

I also know many mother's who have relinquished their children - only to say down the track - "I have regrets & I wished that someone would just have supported me parenting & told me the I COULD make it work."

I wish you all the best whichever path you take.

Just be aware that 'open' adoptions are not legally binding - AND please make yourself available for the child throughout his/her life if you choose adoption - as adoptees need to know their biological mothers - for their self image and their self worth.

Thanks.

http://origins-usa.org/

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com/

(many articles and links on this blog to issues relating to seperation from family)

Answer 15

yes, not being able to afford a kid is a good reason for adoption.  do you really want the kids you already have to suffer because of it?  go ahead and do what you think is right.

Answer 16

If you cannot take care of the child, and you choose to keep the child ,adoption is an appropriate option. If moving in with family would be less hassle than raising a child on your own, go ahead with that. Keep in mind, raising a third child on little money may be less stressful than moving back in with your parents.Weigh all your options before you sign any paperwork. Also look at your other two children, could you have given one of them away when they were born? Good luck! -s

Answer 17

Won't the father have to pay child support.  Surely he should take his share of the responsibility for the child, even if he is not involved day-to-day, he still contributed the child's creation and should have an obligation to care for the child

I don't think any of us ever feel we can 'afford' children but somehow we find a way

Personally I would have preferred growing up with my family in my grandparents house than to learn that Mom had given me to strangers to enable her to keep material things.  But then I am only speaking for myself.

I am sure you will find a way.  Best of luck

Answer 18

I'm an adoptee and I was always told that my mother gave me up because she was poor and could not afford to care for me. I will be honest with you - I would have been more then happy to wear beat-up hand-me-downs and eat mac -n- cheese for dinner every night and have been with my mother then to have spent most of my life wondering who she was and why I wasn't worthy enough of her trying harder.

I'm not saying that to sound uncaring. I cared very much for her - more then words can say.

If you really feel adoption is your only option, please do your research, make an open adoption plan and try to find a couple who will not slam the door in your face after they have your child.

Oh, another thing I wanted to add is that, with everyone, finances can be fleeting. Even the top dog CEO can lose his job and be financially devastated due to debt. People divorce and the stay-at-home mom gets custody and has no job skills. I don't know where you live but here in the U.S. it seems there really is no such thing as job security any longer.

Answer 19

Wow.  Gotta say up front that R's idea of renting your house out is a great idea!!!  Talk about a win-win!

As an adopted adult I wish very much that I had grown up with my mother.  We are in reunion now, but we lost 23 years and the adoption itself did a lot of damage.  As Dory said, I'd rather have been poor with my mother than be adopted.

Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Some sites you might want to visit:

www.adoptioncrossroads.com

www.origins-usa.org

Please don't give your baby away!

Answer 20

if the father wants to act like that, then let him. he's no good to you when acting like that. i think that makes a suitable reason to give a child up for adoption.

Answer 21

Yes, it is a viable reason.  If you are comfortable with it, do it.

Answer 22

I firmly believe that God will give us the means necessary to take care of our children if we decide to keep them.

That being said, it sounds like you are a single mother and if you think adoption is better for you than there's nothing wrong with that either as far as I know. I would pray about the decision and do what you believe is right for you.

My husband makes 30K, we have 3 and hope to have more, and he is the sole provider but we don't have to pay childcare and we use cloth diapers and cut a lot of corners financially with me saving money.

I think it's up to you. It's great for kids to have both a mom and dad though and lots of great couples would like a child or more children. :)

Answer 23

Yes, not being able to afford a baby is a good reason to give them up for adoption.

I would say though, that if you want to keep the baby (completely your decision, of course) that there are ways to tighten your budget so that you can afford the newest addition.  I know a lot of parents who raise three kids on less than what you make...it's a lot of hard work, and at times it's not pleasant, but it's possible-so if you want to keep your baby don't let the money stop you.

Answer 24

It sounds like you have made a very good decision that you have thought through quite a bit.

This is YOUR decision and nobody elses.

I think you are very unselfish and strong for considering adoption.

When you are ready to make the final decision, do not allow others to try to influence you.

You know what is best for your baby, your other two kids, and yourself.

God bless you!

Answer 25

I was in college when I got pregnant with my daughter.  My boyfriend also wanted me to abort, and so did my parents, who had adopted me--go figure that one.

I knew that it would be difficult, but abortion wasn't for me and being adopted myself and having had to deal with all the abandonment issues surrounding that, I decided to keep my daughter.  

I was a single mom and went on welfare for two years until I finished school.  I graduated college and have had a good career, got married, etc.  I met my husband in college, and he has raised and loved my daughter as his own.  I am SO glad that I didn't let them talk me into aborting her or give her away.  A couple bad years was totally worth it!

I didn't have much to lose, like a house, or anything, but don't you think that your child is worth more than any material things?  I know that we all want to be comfortable and have nice things, but you're so fortunate that you have family to help you!  You can do it, and I know that you will regret it if you give your baby away just because of money.

Please think of how your child will feel later on in life.  If you could ask your baby right now, don't you think your baby would tell you that he or she wants to stay with you?  I know I would have.

You can always earn more money and buy a house later.  I know, because I did.  You can never get your baby back once you've given him or her away.   Never, ever.

Answer 26

Love is the most important thing.  Most parents think money is what matters when raising a child and of course it plays a part but love and support are the biggest things.  If you can provide your child with that, please just keep your child.  He/she will always wonder why you gave them up and money is not a good answer especially when they find you and find out that you have two other kids.  He/she will feel unwated and unloved and that could scar them.

Just the fact that you are thinking this way means you are a good and loving parent.  Times will be hard but see it through you will be happy you did.

On another note though might I reccomend the use of birth control for the future so you dont have to make a decision like this especially with a man who doesnt deserve the right to be a father anyways.

Answer 27

I don't understand how you can put a child up for adoption if you are already a mother.  There is no way I could do that.  I am saddened by this question.  You are basing a childs life on money.

Answer 28

First off, i applaud you for not having an abortion. Adoption often does not cross people's minds.

And, if you would be able to have the baby and then give it up that is a wonderful thing to do.  So many people are not able to have children and your baby might be the thing that makes their family complete.

Good luck with what ever you decide.

Answer 29

Lack of income is one of the main reasons people choose adoption. If you cannot support the child in a normal lifestyle you may consider an open adoption. You choose the parents and you stay in contact with the child. That way you can still be a part of their lives and have some kind of relationship with them. I would think that would be better than giving them up never to see them again. I would not want to be a burden on my parents because of the bad choices I made by having so many children when I couldn't take care of them. With all the birth control available these days there's no reason to create such a problem and expect your parents to pick up the pieces.

Answer 30

Take it from someone who has actually been in your position to some degree. If I had to go back and do it all over again I would NOT choose adoption. Everyone is different as is every situation but this has been the only thing I regret. I look into my daughter's faces every day and see their brother. Financial hardship was one of many contributing factors in the relinquishment and subsequent adoption of my natural son. Looking back I truly wish I had fought a little harder, tried a little harder, struggled a little more... to make it work without him being adopted.

This is such a personal decision but seeing what it has meant to others can be a valuable tool. I had no other natural mom's to talk with and was very isolated in my grief, don't kid yourself there either it is a loss and there will be grief. Many liken it to a death, only with this death you have no burial to commemorate the life and no resting place to pay your respects.

Your feelings aside, there is also the adoptee to consider. A child feels the same grief at the loss of his or her mother. Some adoptees fare better than other and there is no straightforward answer to the amount an adoptee suffers. But they all suffer. Some are able to move past the grief and never look back. In my travels through adoption and speaking with adult adoptees I have seen that the majority are left with some sense of abandonment. Some are downright broken by their adoptions. For myself it certainly has made life more difficult. I do not trust anyone, am often seen as very cold and unfeeling, have had troubles bonding with first my adoptive family then friends and romantic partners, my children and finally my natural family once I was reunited with them. Nobody who is in any kind of relationship with me will ever have what is normal. I don't work that way, I am too fearful of being "left", too fearful of the ones I love being "taken".

I hope this offers you some insight into what can happen. It is far from the tell all, end all of what will happen. Merely my thoughts being on two sides of adoption.