Is not paying attichion to your kid when he thorws a fit a bad thing?

Question

ok my son likes to hit and not listing..... so i usually put him in his room so he can throw his fit and not hurt him self or anyone else... but of course grandma comes in and tells us that were being mean to him because we put him in his room to cry.... or we just walk away form him.... she tells us that we need to pay attach on to him and give him love when he is doing something bad but when is he ever going to learn that what he is doing is wrong when we do that....see were trying to get him to understand that u have to be nice and you can not always get your way.... but in his mind he can because grandma always gives into him... i really need help on this one are we mean parents for not paying action on to him when he does bad things????

Answer 1

let me give you advise from experience; you are not being bad parents. I'm only 15, but i've seen this before. my friend has a brother who throws fits when someone tells him no, or that he's doing something wrong. her parents always go to him when he throws a fit. and because of it, he's the biggest brat ever. i've known him since he was 1, and now hes 8, and he still does it. he gets away with things that he shouldn't get away with. like when he hits my friend, she grabs his wrists and tells him NO. but then he goes screaming, saying that she hurt his wrists, and since he's the one throwing the tantrum, my friend is the one who gets in trouble. dont give him attention when he throws a fit, please!

Answer 2

No your not mean parents.  Tell grandma to mind her own business.  He is your son, not hers.  My mother in law is the same and sometimes I want to scream at her for trying to tell me what to do with my child.

Answer 3

ignore him.  he throws a fit to get what he wants, and to be all loving and stuff will just encourage him to do it again.  that doesnt mean that u should b mean, but trying to calm him down will only give what he wants.  u have to punish him for bad behavior.  if u ignore him, he'll stop doing it.

Answer 4

Actually, what you are doing is the most proper and most respectful thing to do with a child who is being disruptive.  You can talk about what he did after he has calmed down, meanwhile he should not be allowed to upset everyone with his actions and he can regain his dignity by himself in his room.

There is a difference between being permissive, authoritarian and authoritative.  You are being authoritative, while Grandma is being permissive.  To be permissive or authoritarian will lead your children to do some outrageous things, often destructive and hurtful to themselves and others.  Stick to your guns, be assertive not aggressive and tell Grandma she's wrong.

Answer 5

Ignoring bad behavior is good and positively affirming good behavior is great.  You're doing the right thing.  So many kids today think they can get their way by throwing a hissy fit...even into their teen years.  If you nip this in the bud now, boy, will you be happy later on...

Answer 6

You need to communicate with him. So he wants his juice so you say When you stop screaming and ask you can then have you juice. Your at the store and he wants a toy you tell him "NO" he starts his fit you pick him up and take him to the bathroom and give his behind a few good pops and than tell him that he is not to act like that ever when You say No you mean NO.

Answer 7

Grandma's off her rocker!!!

Praising him when he's being bad just teaches him that's the right way to deal with things.  What you're doing is right.  Give him extra attention when he's being really good!!

Answer 8

If you pay attention to him when he's acting like a brat, then he'll keep doing it for attention. My SIL just ignores her 2 year old daughter when she throws a temper tantrum and once my niece realized she wasn't going to get a reaction out of her, she does it much less.

Answer 9

Absolutely not. If he's actibng bad, its true that he may just want attention, but if you give it to him he will onl;y keep acting this way. Just make a big deal about praising him for doing the right thing, and show him that there are better ways to get attention.

Answer 10

You should probably sit him down and explain to him why

he shouldn't behave the way he does... You should probably also explain to grandma (if you haven't yet) what you're trying to accomplish.  Maybe she can sit down and have a talk with him too, since he seems to know that she gives in.  Maybe hearing it from her will make him listen?  Even if he's really young it's probably best to explain to him (in simple terms) that it's easier to get what he wants by behaving nicely and calmly.

Reward him when he asks nicely!!

Good luck :)

Answer 11

I am sure grandma means well and not to sound rude, but her parenting skills are WAY outdated.  I am having the exact same problems with my son right now and am doing the exact same thing you are doing.  It is slowly but surely working.  You need to sit down with grandma and explain to her that studies have shown many new parenting skills work that differ from when she was raising her children.  Also, you need to tell her that YOU are the parent and you would appreciate her respecting your wishes with YOUR child.  She has to follow through with what you want done.  It is the right thing to do. You have the final say in how he is raised.  I can see grandma spoiling him with a toy when she comes over or whatever but what she is doing is sending mixed messages.  What is that showing him when she gives into him???  Mom and Dad do it one way and grandma does it another way.  That is very confusing for a small child who is trying to learn right from wrong.  I do not think you are doing anything wrong, I think you are doing everything right!   I feel very strongly about this.  Please email me to discuss further if you would like.  I know how you feel on this.

Answer 12

I used to drag my kids to their rooms by their ankles and calmly say "finish your tantrum, you can come out when you're done"  Worked almost instantly