Is okay to let a baby cry to teach her to fall asleep in the crib?

Question

Like our first daughter, our 9mth old does not go to sleep unless she is in our arms. I've never let her cry long at all...am I doing her wrong by always soothing her to sleep by rocking and walking?

Answer 1

yes. i let my baby girl cry for about 3 to 4 minutes as long as i know that she isn't hungry or wet. then if she don't stop crying then i go in her room and pick her up and hold her a few minutes or sometimes rock her until she is asleep and then put her back into her crib. so, it's fine. my baby girl started sleeping in her crib around 2 months old.

Answer 2

It's never ok to let a child cry when you are perfectly capable of soothing her.

Answer 3

do what feels right. if letting her cry to sleep is okay with you, then it is okay for baby. if it hurts you, then you need to try something else. remember, crying does not actually hurt babies.

Answer 4

I don't think you're doing her wrong!

Answer 5

depends on the child. some kids handle it ok. others do not. mine did not. my instincts told me crying it out would not work for him. only make him worse. parent the child not the situation.  

Answer 6

Your daughter is STILL falling asleep in your arms at 9 months??  Wow, you're going to have quite a time getting her to sleep in her crib.  I would make the transition slowly...maybe let her play in her crib during the day, letting her take her naps in her crib, then putting her in her crib at night when she is drowsy.  If she cries, I would pick her up, soothe her, and then when she is drowsy, put her back in the crib.  It may take some time...good luck.

My daughter is 2 months + 1 week, and I'm trying to get her to sleep in her bassinet at night...so I can imagine how difficult it would be for you with a 9 month old!

Answer 7

My husband and I were having similar issues with our first daughter... she wouldnt go to sleep unless we held her.

We talked to our Dr and he said to let her cry for no more than 30 minutes. Then go in and reset her. Talk quietly and put her back to bed.

Self-soothing is important to learn - it can be started around 6 months, so don't feel bad for doing it now at 9 months... perfectly fine. I'd say she's emotionally capable for the change.

I'd start off doing a mix at first.

Like, decide on a bedtime routine - and put her down (without the rocking etc...)

Then, if she cries for a while - go in and snuggle her a bit... rock her a little and tell her it's bedtime speak softly...

Try & put her down when she's ALMOST asleep.

If she wakes and cries... make the times inbetween the time you enter her room longer & longer.. eventually she will fall asleep on her own.

You aren't neglecting her by letting her cry for a bit. She isn't a newborn so it's ok to let her cry a bit from time to time. Her trust has already been built between you two and she will eventually figure out that it's how mommy does bedtime now.

Consistancy is key here. So, good luck!

Answer 8

I would think it's alright since shes 9 months but I'm no expert.

Answer 9

Yes!

It's really important for kids to learn they *can* fall asleep without you there. It's adorable now but it's not going to be so cute when your seven year old can't go to sleepovers because they can't handle it.

As long as you're there in the morning, she'll learn you haven't abandoned them.

Answer 10

I dont think its right just to let them cry. Its one thing if its a newborn and its just fussy after you tried everything in the book. But being so young still its good to be close to them. They do need to learn to fall asleep on their own though.. Mabye read stories, give a bath and soothe her other ways to make her calm. The older she gets you dont wanna get in the habit of her falling asleep in your bed.

Answer 11

"am I doing her wrong by always soothing her to sleep by rocking and walking?"

The opposite, actually.

"New parents often ask, "Won't holding our baby a lot, responding to cries, nursing our baby on cue, and even sleeping with our baby spoil her?" Or they ask if this kind of parenting will create an overly dependent, manipulative child? Our answer is an emphatic no. In fact, both experience and research have shown the opposite. Attachment fosters eventual interdependence. A child whose needs are met predictably and dependably does not have to whine and cry and worry about getting his parents to do what he needs.

Attachment studies have spoiled the spoiling theory. Researchers Drs. Bell and Ainsworth at John Hopkins University studied two sets of parents and their children. Group A were attachment-parented babies. These babies were securely attached, the products of responsive parenting. Group B babies were parented n a more restrained way, with a set schedule and given a less intuitive and nurturing response to their cues. All these babies were tracked for at least a year. Which group do you think eventually turned out to be the most independent? Group A, the securely attached babies. Researchers who have studied the affects of parenting styles on children's later outcome have concluded, to put it simply, that the spoiling theory is utter nonsense."

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t10020...

Answer 12

It is not okay.  Your child needs you to parent her, not neglect her.

Studies have shown that crying it out alters the way the brain works, potentially causing damage which won't show up until years later.  

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/14/...

It is natural and normal for children to want to be with their parents.  We are social creatures.

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepth...