Is one month too long to punish a six-year old?

Question

My son's dad called tonight to inform me that he's grounded our son from all video and computer games for a month due to an extreme temper tantrum, and the fact that he continually forgets to bring his homework folder home from school.

He asked me to be consistent with the punishment when our son is in my care, and I agreed to.

I feel the consequences are appropriate for the actions, but I think a month is a bit long. A whole month is an eternity to a six year-old, and seems beyond his grasp.

The temper tantrum is a first-time offense; the homework folder is an ongoing problem.

Is a month of punishment too extreme for a kid his age? Why or why not? Is there some sort of compromise you would suggest I try to make with his dad?

Answer 1

yes

Answer 2

Is the punishment going to help him learn how to better communicate his frustration?  Is it going to help him learn new habits so that he will remember his folder?  At this age, his teacher should be reminding him to bring it home every day or helping him figure out how to make it into a habit.  That's one of the things you're learning in first grade - 'how to be a student'.

Answer 3

I REALLY don't want to cause any undue pressure on you but, I DO  AGREE a 'month' is an Eternity for a 6yr. old.

HOWEVER, that may take what is needed to 'stir him up'!

So, let's say 2 Weeks would be Fair!

Answer 4

I agree with you about it seeming like an eternity to a six year old. Maybe try limiting it to a week, and then cut down to weekends only, if he does what he is required (re: homework folder). Maybe that will get him to appreciate there are consequences without going overboard. Make it realistic, and age appropriate.

Answer 5

I would never agree to such a punishment. Discipline is the better way to go and that means removing the games and videos or whatever for a day and then letting the child have another chance to act better the next time.  Punishment is bad but discipline is ok.  I wouldn't go with it only because the son didn't get into trouble at my house and that is just to extreme for a 6 year old.

Answer 6

even though it is a long time it was what was told to him and needs to be followed through. Always follow through on the decided punishment.

Answer 7

I don't think it's too long. My parents began making us give up something for Lent at age five. Until I understood the point at a later age, this was a form of punishment - and it was strictly enforced. Lent lasts almost nine weeks (46 days to be exact).  A month is severe, but not too severe.

Answer 8

One month is absolutely too long, especially for a first-time offense. Punishment is not the most effective way to correct behavior anyway, so for the homeowork folder problem positive reinforcement would most likely work better. When he remembers to bring home his folder, give him a small reward. This will encourage his good behavior and he should start remembering to bring his folder home.

Answer 9

that is way 2 long! exspecialy since he didn't do anything that horrible. i would think a week at the longest

Answer 10

i tell my son when im ready to give your stuff back you will get it, and so far ive seen some improvement, but they really do miss their tv and video games, it only takes a few times for them to realize, whats right and wrong...id say about 2 to 3 weeks..if you dont see improvement, then longer..kids are smarter than you think

Answer 11

Firstly I'd like you to know that as a mother of an 11 year old boy with ADHD we are still struggling with that exact issue (tantrums and would you believe it homeowrk folder!) I also have a 6 year old and a 4 year old. Secondly as both a therapist and a parent I would like to say that YES, one month is excessive. If you have a child who is not responding to punishments please consider trying positive reward systems instead (for example, "Jack we now have a chart on your wall. Every time you remember to bring your homework folder home from school I will put a sticker on it, when you get 10 stickers I will take you to the beach, go bike riding, buy that new toy you want" etc). Keep the rewards small and affordable but also the goals realistic (10 stickers is long enough) Many children struggle to remember items and at age six this would be considered 'the norm'. I realise that this must be incredibly frustrating for both of you but a short time out (10 mins) for tantrums or short punishment (no playstation this week) is more appropriate. If a child feels that they are "always getting in trouble" they ultimately lose their motivation to even try and will eventually suffer low self esteem.

I think it is fantastic that the two of you are communicating together and being consistant as these two things are usually where many parents fail in the dicipline area. Have a talk with your sons father and hopefully the two of you can both agree on a solution that you are both comfortable with as this is the key to success.

Best of Luck :)

Answer 12

I think 1 month is to long to punish a child BUT in the case of taking video games from him for a month is not the end of the world it is something he could probably do with out anyway at age 6 If it was going to the park or staying in his room, never but I think at 6 he can live without video games.

Answer 13

I think that a month is too long as well. I would have gone with a week for the temper tantrum. The homework folder is another issue. Since this is an ongoing issue I would consider taking away something until he remembers to bring the folder home. If that means a month then that is his choice. Every day he brings the folder home and does his homework he will be allowed to play vidoe games. If the folder doesn't come home no video games. This punishment/reward system will probably work better than just taking away everything for a whole month. If I were you I would suggest this to his father and see if this is a compromise that you can both agree on.

Answer 14

How about turning the punishment around and making it more positive and rewarding. Maybe if he brings his folder home everyday for a week he earns something back. 6 years old is very young and we often forget that when our days are busy. If Dad wants the punishments to be in both houses then you both need to agree not to announce a punishment to your son til you have talked it over (I hope he is a reasonable man). Your child knowing that the both of you are on the same page and communicating will save you loads of trouble as he gets older (no working one parent against the other).GL

Answer 15

It's WAYYYY too long. 6 year olds forget folders, it happens. The teacher needs to be talked to about helping him to remember it. If he's showing signs of having problems with organization, punishing him like that will not help.

I don't know what to tell you to tell his father (other than maybe smacking him upside the head). Maybe a conference with the teacher about the homework folder? and time outs for tantrums, taking video and computer games away for a month is just going to cause more, which means he'll ground him for longer and longer.

For tantrum in our house, we send said child to their room until they can act properly....

It all seems really extreme to me.

Answer 16

One month is too much for my son who is nearly 3 times his age. My daughter who is twice your sons age has had a day or even less, as maximum. I'm sure that tells you what its like for a 6 year old. I negotiate, talk, explain, justify, remind, etc a lot and has never needed excessive punishment. Rather I reward good behaviour.

Even a week, is slightly harsh especially as its a first for the tantrum. A day or two I would say would be ideal. If you must punish at all, vary the punishment - withdraw other things at different times.

I can only assume his father has come from a pretty strict background. Let him know times have changed, so also styles of rearing!

Some children are just forgetful. I feel it becomes the responsibility of the parent dropping him to remind him. When he is being picked up, he could be asked again. You could also speak to his teacher, who would probably take the time to remind him often.

When you start to give drastic penalties from young, you run the risk of breaking their spirit, destroying their confidence and having an angry, rude, hardened, non-challant rebellious child on your hands.

Speak to him often, remind him of consequences, and work on rewarding him when he remembers, instead of punishing him for forgetting.

Do they say justice must go with mercy?

I can see this causing problems with his father, so handle it sensitively. Children most certainly enjoy adults contending over issues that affect them. They play one against the other!

Good luck!!!!

Answer 17

He will never stick to it you need to tell him to get real. 1 week is enough.

Answer 18

It really depends on the child, I have three boys, one whom is ADHD, and he is my "mischief" child. He has mood swings and tempertantrums, and for the most part I make him take a chill out time until he gets himself together, then there are times (almost like a cycle) that he will completly melt down and I have to been almost down right conniving to get him to listen to reason. That includes giving him, what might seem to others, excessivly long punishments. The key to doing this is making them remember why they are being punished. If your child is being punished for talking back all the time, then say you are on punishment for ____ days, and every day that you are on punishment you will write 10 sentences that state I will not talk back to adults,etc. This way your child will remember why they are on punishment and will also remind them daily so just in case they start to do it again they will think about all those sentences! ( BELIVE ME 6 yr  olds HATE sentences!!!!) You have already agreeded to the month punishment,  you HAVE to stick by your word, just next time before either of you decide on punishment that is longer than your visit check with the other parent for their imput as well. GOOD LUCK

Answer 19

ohh yeah one month is just what the doctor ordered

Answer 20

I usually go on Days of how old they are...So Six years would be Six days

Answer 21

A month seems really long for a 6 y/o but then its not trapped in his room for 30 days, just no electronics, right? He still gets to see friends, play outside etc? I think the PC and video games should be limited to weekends any way. I'd say if he brings his folder home every day for a week (all 5 days) then he should get an hour or two of games on FRI night and SAT. Since the tantrum was a one time thing he loses Sunday privileges the whole 4 weeks. Four Sundays in a row is much easier for him to understand than a month. If he forgets the folder, even one day he loses the whole weekend. That is an immediate consequence and he will know exactly why its happening.

Talk to your ex and see if you can compromise. Its still a month for the tantrum so its keeping to the punishment he set up. It won't look to your son as if he got out of something but will give him incentive to improve the biggest issue, his school work. Kids need to know when you say you will do something you will do it. At six he also needs lots of positive re-enforcement.

I hope this helps. At six this year of school can set the tone for the rest of his school experience.

He may just be really emotionally young for his age and needs a little more structure than other kids in his class.

The homework folder issue last forever so if you correct now life will be much easier in the years to come.

Good luck.

Answer 22

I think one month is a little too long.  I would say a week, two at the most.  At 6, my daughter only gets punished for a day or so.  I understand the constant forgetfullness, my oldest keeps doing this to us.  Maybe someone needs to speak to his teacher about the homework.  I think he may acting out for other reasons.

Answer 23

yes it is too long. remember he's still 6 and it might be too harsh for him. spanking him or disciplining him in a different way is the best thing. make a deal with him that video game for an hour but he has to do and bring his assignment first. that might work.... good luck!

Answer 24

It's a little too extreme. Try during the weekdays

Answer 25

if i were you, i would at least ground him for two weeks. i mean, he can always call his friends for his homework=one week. and tantrums=2nd week. I mean, 1 month is way TOO long for a 6 year old. It would be ok if your kid was 9+. I would suggest for you to tell your son's dad that 1 month is way too long for just a child!

Answer 26

how about 2 weeks? since the temper tantrum is first, let this be a warning, but since the h.w. is ongoing, tell him that if this keeps happening, it's going to go further.

but don't trick him and say that you're gonna make it like 3 weeks or sumthing but end up not doing so b/c then he'll think that u never mean anything u say.

Answer 27

I dont think it is a problem to be without video games but I agree that after a week or so he may not connect in his mind why he is doing without . Im curious what started the tantrum however. You really dont have power over your husband so not much you can do. I do hope that both of you fill in the void due to the video and computer games with some substantial quality time like reading to him, interacting etc. I still think its important to review why he had a tantrum

Answer 28

dad is trying to send son a message. It is long but do it.  The boy can do it/.  People change things about themselves when change happens to them.   Be united in your care and discipline of your son. I've punished my son for 4 days and it was extrememly effective. He wasnt allowed to eat dessert for 4 nights and had to watch us eat dessert. I know sounds cruel but he did 4 really bad thigns he has been told time and time again not to do.

You know a month isnt too long as he's been forgetting his folder all year.

Answer 29

A reward for remembering to bring the folder home might be more effective.  (Something he likes, a trip to the ice cream shop).  Maybe you suggest that if he brings his folder home every day for a month you get him that toy hes been bugging you about.  If he forgets the clock resets and you have to start all over. After that you up the time, he has to remember for two months...and before you know it he will forget that he's remembering.  Right now the focus is on forgetting, and you want the focus to be on remembering.  

There should be consequences for him losing control of his emotions, but they have to be immediate and natural and logical consequences...(when you are a jerk nobody wants to be around you, when you hurt someone you go to jail...etc). I doubt a 6 year old will remember that long (I mean he can't even remember his folder)...and it might just keep too much focus on him being bad rather than being good in the long run...You don't want to reinforce his "badness" in his own mind but his "goodness"...if that makes sense.

Answer 30

hi. my daughter is nearly 6 and i cant imagine punishing her for a month! by the end of it she wouldnt even remember what she had done to deserve it. i think a week tops.good luck!

Answer 31

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