Is open adoption the best chioce for the child?

Question

My husband and I are in the process of adopting and open adoptin is what we chosen. I want the child to know its birth parents, but Im scared of the unknown also. I feel being honest about the adoption at first should be the best for the child.

Answer 1

Im no expert in the field but i agree with you. If the child senses they are different from you and your husbane but you never tell them why, when they find out they are more likely to rebel. (i watched it on a tv show) Anyways i think its great that you are adopting... good luck.

Answer 2

If I may please suggest going to http://www.informedadoptions.com to speak with some experienced and enlightened adoptive parents :) It may appear to be international adoptive parents only from the home page, but the forum is where its at!! Definitely go there. I'm an adoptee so I can't really tell you what to do other than in my opinion the more openness the better.

Answer 3

It depends.

In the case of an adoption where the bio mother gave up the child voluntarily for economic or similar reasons, then I believe it makes sense.  I have family who adopted this way and have an open adoption, it worked well for all involved.

However, in cases where the adoption was because the bio parents were neglectful or abusive, then I would say no.  Our sons were removed from their bio family for a wide range of problems, including drugs, neglect, violence, and possibly worse.  We will tell they were adopted and will explain to them the circumstances of the adoption, but we will not allow any contact between them their their biological family until they are 18.

Answer 4

If you and your husband know your going to be great parents then why not. It's best before someone with the wrong parenting skills comes around.

Answer 5

I've adopted two of my three children and none of them have been "open adoptions".  While I have nothing against the concept and I'm not scared of it in any way it just hasn't been a possibility.  

My 15 year old was adopted as a baby when I live in India and there is/was NO info available about her birth parents.  Now that we have moved back to Canada (and 15 years have gone by) there is no way we could go back to learn more and it's never been an issue.

We now have a one month old (to go with our 15 year old adopted daughter and a 13 year old biological daughter) and while we know about her birth mother, including where she lives and such, it will not be what is considered an open adoption either.  Her birth mother is a drunk and a crack addict who has lost all 7 of her children just after they were born (and "Mom" is only 27 herself) so it's not as though we want her to have any contact with her.

When my daughter is old enough and if she wants to know more we are willing and will be able to tell her more and let her make the choice to delve further.  With both of my adopted children, keeping it from them was never an issue as they are a different race then my wife and I but IF they were caucasian like us I still would have been 100% honest and open with them about it all (at an age appropriate level of course)

If your situation is different and having contact with the bio mother isn't a complicated issue then consider it but I personally don't think it can be the best for a child.  Either way, being honest about the situation and supportive by giving the child the best chance at life possible is what I think is best.

Answer 6

yes tell them very early so that they dont have resentment towards you

most of the reason they get mad at you if you tell them later is because youve een lying to them

Answer 7

I think so.

Answer 8

An open adoption is absolutely the best way to go.

Our family has been involved in a completely open adoption for almost ten years now, and there is no one less confused about how it works than my son.

I won't say that it's the easy road.  It's NOT.  Maintaining a good relationship with his mom is sometimes as difficult as maintaining a good marriage.

Our son gets his questions answered.  Firsthand, not through some third party and a file when he turns eighteen, but by calling her up NOW.

It was really scary at first, while we were still feeling each other out, but now we're just another kind of family.

The hardest part  is the reaction of people around us.

School told his mom that she wasn't really his mother.

Our families HATE the fact that she is in our lives, and don't welcome her to holidays and other family gatherings.

I get "aren't you afraid she'll...." questions from people all the time (not so much now that he's older, but when he was a baby and a toddler....)

I'd be happy to talk with you via e-mail at length about what a fully open adoption means for your family.

Answer 9

DO NOT have a complete open adoption.  YOU are the mother, and your husband is the father. NOT who gave life to them. the parent is the one who raises them. anyway what i mean is it would be good if you had an arrangement that the child could contact them when they are of age like 18 or 21, but i would suggest NO CONTACT until then. As for a completely closed adoption (like files sealed) it's not that good unless you know something about the biological parents (race, hereditary disorders, etc...) because your child will wonder, and will ask, and will feel lost not knowing these things.  If you want to talk somemore feel free to e-mail me.

Answer 10

Depends what you mean by open adoption ? One where the birth parent/s have updates and visits ? then no I do not

I believe that sort of open adoption head stuffs the child a child isn't meant to have two mothers

Answer 11

I believe open adoption is what is best for the child.  From the first moment your hold your child in your arms teach him/her about adoption.  Honesty is the healthiest thing you can give your child.  Keep the relationship with the first family, your child will thank you someday.  Always speak respectfully of the child's first parents.  Best of luck and congrats on your child.