Is registering with an online "friend finder" cheating?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and we have 2 kids. I found out today that he is registered at something called Amateur Match, an adult "friend finder" site that is basically person to person p**n. I am super pissed off and I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it yet. Am I justified in being angry? I think that is an obvious yes, but my friend said I am blowing it out of proportion. Do I have a stupid friend along with a stupid husband?

Answer 1

It isn't cheating until you make a move with someone.

Answer 2

I would say that it is not something that would enhance your relationship with each other, as you obviously feel.   Confront him about it and what you know.  And then ask him to get s*x addiction counseling.

Answer 3

I would be angry about it. Even though it isn't physical I would definitely consider it emotional cheating. And if they are speaking online and sharing pictures of eachother that could eventually lead to something more. They could exchange phone numbers, then start meeting secretly...I wouldn't take any chances and end this immediately. I allow my husband to look at p**n but he knows to stay away from websites like "adult friend finder" just for the reasons I already stated. But you certainly have a reason to be pissed I would be!

Answer 4

If you have to ask it probably is.......you have a right to be upset but he is a man and we do stupid things.Explain to him how you feel and give an opportunity to correct his behavior.Good luck

Answer 5

yes.. it is entertaining the idea of having an affair, even if its purely emotional, even if its online only... i would kill my man.. i mean, we'd be done.... now, before he met me, he was signed up for a few of those things, and he still ocassionally gets an email from one of them.. but he doesnt even open them.. i have access to all accounts so i am sure of this.. yup, id be completely pissed off and beyond

Answer 6

just talk to him about it.

don't yell because then he'll get super defensive.

men are stupid all women know that. haha (sorry guys)

well anyway your anger is understandable.

just calm down alittle and ask him about it. He won't deny it considering you already know. I bet he'll feel embarrassed though.

just give hime a chance to explain first.

i hope this helped.

please contact me if you need anymore help.

Answer 7

Yes and Yes!  He has some serious problems and anybody that is doing that with strangers...well I'm just saying.  You have every right to be angry and a whole lot more.

Answer 8

Married people don't date anyone other than their spouse.  Why is he looking for someone?

Yes, you are justified to be angry, and yes, I question why your friend thinks that it's okay.

p**n in a relationship is bad, there are a lot of marriages failing due to p**n.  It gives him an unrealistic view of s*x and makes it harder on you to try and perform like the actors.  A lose, lose situation.

Answer 9

yes i think that is classifyed as cheating.. well it sorta shows hes not happy.. do you know what i mean

as for your friend thats a bit weird she should be supportive

Answer 10

Neither, what you have is an unsatisfied husband who, for some reason, feels the need to look for sexual excitement and attraction outside of his relationship with you.  

Rather than considering your loss in this, why not look at your role in causing it, and do something about fixing it.  

You should definitely speak to him about it, because unaddressed he may do something stupid, and you don't know where he's really coming from, or why he's doing what he's doing.  

If you can't remember the last time you guys did something romantic for each other, and you can't remember the last time you had really animalistic fulfilling love making/s*x (depending on what you're into, either can be just as satisfying of course), you should start with fixing what's wrong with the relationship, not what's wrong with "HIM", because you do have a role in this, whether you choose to admit it or not.  

I'm taking a bit of a stern tone with you, because in your present state of mind, I doubt you'd give anything else much attention, unless it totally agreed with your point of view.  But please know I wish you the best.  Don't let your first, "knee jerk" reaction mess up an opportunity to address and fix something in your relationship that has everything to do with both of you.

Answer 11

If you were doing it, how would he react?  Base your reaction off of that.  The old cliche "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" is absolutely true.

Answer 12

Yes, he is sooooo wrong!  So is she.

Print out copies for your divorce lawyer.

Answer 13

I do not think that you are blowing anything out of proportion. What he is doing is considered "e-cheating," and it can be, and is, as bad as meeting somebody outside of your marriage in real life.

He may see meeting someone online as not cheating because he isn't meeting her offline.

Talk to him. Be rational.

Answer 14

Yes, but there won't be grounds for immediate divorce (I think) unless more happens.

Answer 15

I can't blame you for being mad but he MAY just be killing time. I look at the personal ads, but I have no intention of calling one of them

Answer 16

get registered yourself.

Answer 17

he is heading down the infamous path of infidelity--i wouldnt be typing on here--i would be planning his funeral

Answer 18

I hope that you are mad enough to pack tonight, call someone, get the kids and never look back. These behaviors wont change, it's just that from now on he will be more careful on what you find and don't find. Please don't give him another chance, your marriage is over unless you are willing to let him continue this behavior. http://men.webmd.com/guide/is-pornograph...

Answer 19

YES!!  But he may have just joined to see what it is. I had a ball on "friend finder" pulling a bunch of guys cords. I registered as a woman and found some hot pictures to up load. Boy a lot of these hard up guys would do anything for a gal. Even send you money for your bills.  Talk to him about it. Maybe some night the two of you could go on line togeather and yank some chains. Might even make some money while your at it.

Answer 20

Well I would say step back and take a look at the whole picture. What's going on in your relationship that would make him want to look elsewhere for that sort of thing? Sure he may be at fault here, but sorry to say, he may not be the only one to lay blame on. You guys need to talk about your issues or your marriage is doomed. You just can't have any kind of good relationship with anyone if you aren't comfortable talking with each other about important, sometimes tough stuff.

Answer 21

Maybe your husband just wants to mess around, but you should talk to him about this first before you make any assumptions.

Answer 22

watching online p**n is one thing, but signing up to make friends and talk with other females even without the p**n is really crossing the line .  You need to talk with him about this and if you are not satisfied with the outcome of your conversation I would suggest some couples counseling to get this straightened out.  This is only a sign of other problems with him or with your marriage.  Don't drop it or let it go on without a solution you are happy with.  Communication and trust  are both imperative in a happy marriage.  Good luck.

Answer 23

Yes you should be mad.  If he wants porno then rent some videos and enjoy it with him.  He shouldn't be going behind your back and having conversations with the women he is watching.  

Answer 24

Short and simple answer: Yes.

I'll leave the long wordy answers to someone else since you seem to know the answer.

Answer 25

yes and u'd be stupid if u dont talk to him abt it  

Answer 26

Some people just check out these kind of sites for a good laugh...its not like you caught him in the act. You need to lighten up, but tell him you would appreciate it if he didn't go to this site because your not real comfortable with it.

Answer 27

yes.  it is cheating.

Answer 28

Yes, you have a stupid friend and an as$ for a husband.  Why do some people think that's not cheating?  I would LOVE to hear his explaination...!!  You can't be watching over him all the time either, so I suggest taking the computer out of the house all together.  If he wants to chat with his p**n friends, he'll have to go to the public library !!  What could he possibly say to your pulling the plug anyway??  

Answer 29

YES! YES! YES!  You have a right to be angry...because he is looking to cheat....Your friend is being a dough head right along with your husband....

Answer 30

That's disgusting, and you should confront him about it.

You have every right to be pissed off.

Answer 31

Yes he is on his way to cheating on you.  Your friend is ridiculous.