Is searching my wife's cell phone wrong?

Question

I have trust issues for 2 affairs she had several years ago. I saw her phone unattended and looked at all her calls and texts. I asked her to explain 1 very questionable text. She became very angry has not spoken to me for almost a week. She said I'm ruining our marriage from my trust issues. I think she is guilty and using anger to offset the truth. Was this the wrong thing to do?

Answer 1

Short and sweet.  Busted.  Period.  You busted her and she's angry and doesn't know what to do.  Ask her for an explanation and btw, there's gotta be a LOT more so I'd keep looking.....

Answer 2

I did have the same problem with my boyfriend and he use to hide his phone  in his jacket or under my dresser at my place  and when he had a message I could see the number and it was 303 or 720 area code numbers.  It turn out to be he was seeing another woman and I knew he was. But he kept denying it. Then when I would come see him at his place his phone would be on vibrate or he would just keep it close so I would see who was calling and he would make up excuse saying it was one of his customers. This even happened alot at the movie theatre! By the way he was a Realtor at one time, but no longer is.

All the decieving things he have done to me was a horriable feeling and all this happened 2003 to 2005.He lied, cheated on me and what I told him and I am a true believer when I told him if he keeps doing this to me it will all come back at him and make his head spin so fast and he wouldn't know what hit him! Well it did he met a woman and they went out at a dance club and he went to men restroom and he came back to find her kissing another man! Lol!

Believe me I know what your going through and it's a heartache and I've been through alot with this guy and you won't believe this but we are still together and we do live together and we did worked out all the garbage and God only knows why it worked out for us. I think it's because he realized that I was in love with him and he realize he had the right person all along and he realized he just couldn't handle any one hurting his feelings and wanted that trust and it was always there.

Answer 3

no my husband got mad at me for touching his phone.  later he left me for other woman.

Answer 4

Nope.  I don't think you should have anything to hide in a marriage or long-term relationship.  If you want to spend your life with someone, marriage or not (I personally don't believe in marriage, but I'm happy to be with my ol' man who has the same beliefs I do), you should be willing to share everything with that person, whether its your recent calls or how many calories were in that sandwich you had at lunch.  She is the one who signed up to be with you for the rest of her years, and to stand by you and be honest with you for those years.  How can she say YOU are ruining the marriage when SHE is the one who cheated?!?

You didn't do anything wrong, and if she thinks you did, then maybe there's a reason shes so offended that you looked in her phone.  Cheat on me once, shame on you; cheat on me twice, shame on me; leave your phone unattended on the kitchen table...

*Edit*

Whoops!  Thumbs down!  I bet it was a woman, and I bet she's cheating on her husband...  Better clear your recent calls...

Answer 5

that question is very "iffy". personally i dont think its wrong but alot of people do. my side is if she is not doing anything then you should be able to search and find nothing just for your peace of mind. when you are married there should be no secrets because when that comes into play then its basically over anyway. i go through my wifes cell all of the time time, find nothing and go about my day. but..... if i do find something i sure do ask what it was about. and i expect her to do the same thing. and that keeps me clean....

Answer 6

You are not wrong for doing it. If she would have never cheated she would have not put herself in a position to where you check her phone.

Her getting angry is a sign. I think it is fishy.

She could be cheating again.

I would have dumped her after the 2nd affair.

Answer 7

No, if she wasn't guilty then she wouldn't get angry.  You know in your heart,  Trust is hard to have when you have been burned twice before. She should understand that, she caused it.  One day at a time, and keep one eye open at all times so to speak.  good Luck  

Answer 8

its very understanding why you are having trust issues with your wife, and she probably did not give you any explanation because she is very upset that you are not over yet about what happened years ago. you are not ruining your marriage, she should understands you , why you act this way, i think you guys should have better communication, and i hope everything goes well. tell her how you feel, and dont blame her for anything.

good luck

Answer 9

a relationship is based on trust and when there is none or you caught him or her cheated, get rid of them.

Answer 10

Without any affairs, then yes, it would be wrong.  

After two affairs, I'd be searching the phone, his drawers, his truck, and anything else I could get my hands on.  He really would not rest easy and that is why it would be better if we split if we had an affair.  It would never be able to go back to the way it was.  I don't think you were wrong in the slightest, but you might want to think about where you can go from here because you can't go back and your wife does not seem to be appropriately sorry.  Can you really ever trust her again?  Can you put up with her arrogance in thinking that you shouldn't have some trust issues?  

Answer 11

If you dont trust her then why the h**l are you still married to her.

Answer 12

No because she has given you reasons not to trust her

Linda

Answer 13

It is not wrong for you to check her phone.  There should not be any secrets between a husband and a wife.  If there is, then there are problems.  I search my husbands and he searches mine.  We do it to pick at each other and we do it at the same time.  A husband and a wife should be involved in all aspects of their life.  That includes cell phones, e-mails, phone calls, etc.

Answer 14

If your partner has had an affair and YOU choose to continue in the relationship, you MUST let go of the past.  Otherwise it will never work.  You're being unfair to that person now.  Move on with her or Move on without her.  Either way, you must move on.  What good does it do to live in the past, live in fear, live without trust?  Why would you want that?  If you don't get over it or leave her...she WILL leave you.  Tell me, did you have trust issues before the 2 affairs?  What's her reason for having the affairs?  Has she ever said you did anything to push her into an affair?  Constantly questioning her or going through her personal space will push her into an affair.  No one wants to put up with that.

Answer 15

if there was nothing to hide and she had history of cheating and you allowed her to return to you..its her job to reassure you that she is clean...not get angry...RED FLAG!

Answer 16

If you have no kids, you ought to have bailed since that "trust" issue was  affairs... truly hard to  get back trust, and without it, the other three essentials in a relationship (Admiration, Respect, and Passion) are in the toilet.  And how you EVER got over the eeeewwwwww factor, I'd never know...

Was it wrong?  Only if you don't like what you found, and would have been happier not knowing.