Is separation a good idea?

Question

My husband is a great man, honestly. He has a kind heart and the patience of Job. Thing is, despite all that, he did something that really broke my heart. Now, (in talking with a few friends) there is a possibility that he has done this .. thing more then once.

Would separation for a few weeks be a good idea? Or does that just set him up to .. do it again?

Answer 1

What is it that he has done girl. Be more specific. Am I the only one that does not get this.

Answer 2

well, w/o knowing what this thing is its hard to say. If it's drug's then you may have a problem. If it's cheating talk to a counselor. But with my personal experience, if he has cheated on you more than once he will continue doing it. And NO woman should have to put up with that behavior. If it's drug's see if he would be willing to go two a twelve step program. There all pretty much the same. A drug is anything that alters your mental status. Be it alcohol, crack, etc. if he's not willing to do any of these thing then i suggest you separate. Depending on the drug of choice it only gets worse the longer they use. and eventually they get mean. Usually from the withdrawal. I hope this helps. if you need to talk of site mail me. I know from experience with an ex husband. After he beat me i left and divorced him. Good Luck.

Answer 3

We really need to know the circumstances and if he is remorseful of his actions to best assist you.  

Answer 4

if it's b/c he cheated than LEAVE HIM! DIVORCE ASAP!

Once a cheater Always a Cheater!

Answer 5

You can do whatever you need to do-

Just because you are married doesn't enslave you to your house or your husband. Take a few days and go stay with an old friend or your family and try to put things in perspective. You don't need to legally separate right off the bat if it is a matter of a "broken heart". I think that every marriage suffers a few broken hearts in it's duration.

Your husband needs to speak to you about your concerns and come forth with his discrepancies. Unless you know the absolute truth about the habitual nature of his actions would I recommend legal separation.  

Answer 6

Yes, separation is good and bad. In your situation yes. You must let him know how it feels to be without you. Even if he does this thing again, at least it's out of his system. But when you take a break from each other that means no calls(if you have to once a week & nothing about the relationship/split), none of him coming over or, seeing each other. It's a mental thing and you can't crack or its just going to confuse him and confuse you more. Number 1 your going to need your support of friends. There might be times you feel so hurt and alone but, you can't break down & call. When he comes back you can be secure and no that he really wants to be there. Good luck!!  

Answer 7

Why don't you try counseling, and if that doesn't work, then a separation.

Answer 8

Separation is NOT illegal. Geesh. Some people...

Anyway, I read your other question, and in your case, separation is not going to help you one bit. I stand by my original suggestion: get marriage counseling right away. If that doesn't work, skip the separation and call an attorney pronto.

Good luck!

Answer 9

How can anybody answer your question without knowing what he's done?? It could be a little thing like not puth the toilet seat down, or a big thing like cheat. You have to be more specific before anybody could possibly answer this question.

Answer 10

It depends on what he did.  If you need time away from him to think about your marriage then separate.  If you feel you will never be able to fogive him then divorce him.

Answer 11

Don't separate because you want to punish him or teach him a lesson.  You're not his mother and he's not your property.  Separate from him because YOU want to step back from the situation.  If that's not the case, then work it out while staying together.  There's no written rule that says "if he cheats, you must leave".  It just so happens that the majority of people feel that way.  

Answer 12

serparation is illegal, stupid females

Answer 13

If he cheated do not take him back, if you do it shows him that he can do it again.  I think that if you choose to go outside your marriage then you choose to be divorced.

Answer 14

Going from your last question, counseling is the only thing that is going to help you two.

Answer 15

It's hard to say - not knowing what it was that he did.  Did he have an affair with another man?  Did he lie about his credit card debt?  Did he forget to take out the garbage?

I've been living with my boyfriend for ten years - and at one point I left - because I was so angry - and I knew that hanging around in the environment with him was fueling the anger.  There was a REASON behind the separation.  I had to get past my anger - in another environment - and then start to work on the problem.  We did counseling.

Will separating serve a purpose?  You can't control him.  All you can control is yourself.  You can't really do anything about his behavior.  Think about what YOU ultimately want - and know that all you can control are your choices and your reaction to his behavior.  Then figure out what you should do.

Answer 16

he's going to do what he wants to do anyway, b/c didn't he just break your heart and you both were together??

What makes you think he won't do it, for the simple fact that you are seperated, he might think in his head, she's probably cheating on me, so I might as well go ahead.

he is going to do it again if you don't put your foot down real hard., so just brace your self, it all depends on how you handle it, if you honestly let him know you are hurt, just leave, or forgive him, get hurt again, and again, unless he promises on the bible to never do it again(make him put his hand on the bible and promise!)

it might work if he fears God.