Is she Begging for attention, or manipulating?

Question

My boyfriend has a little girl, she is 5. I love her but she can't be by herself for more then maybe an hr at most, however its usually 20 min or less....she comes and asks to be played with, and if we are busy and comes back 30 seconds later and sees if were done, she keeps doing that. I am with her alot during the day, and i spend like 1-2 hrs at a time with her one on one but that isn't enough. I personally think it is trying to be in control of things and what we do, and be center of attention..i.e..manipulation/lack of discipline on dad's part cause of the guilt and low self esteem with him. Or is really starved for attention? Like her mom probably neglects her...i think she gets plenty of attention...dad comes home frowork and its all her until bedtime...minus like maybe a total of a half hr...thats like 3-4 hrs she gets of dad time and i sit back and let her have it.

Answer 1

HELLO ALL ANSWERERS THINKING THIS WOMAN LEAVES THIS GIRL IN THE HOUSE ALONE. HOW STUPID ARE YOU PEOPLE. ALONE IN HER ROOM OR ANOTHER PART OF THE HOUSE.

Girl, just get her involved in activities with you and outside the house with play groups. You need to be there for her until she feels confident that she is loved. If you are with her all day, go to the mall and try on clothes or just to walk around. Go to the park with her. Get her to help you clean the house. Make her your best friend besides your boyfriend. She will come around and be able to play on her own eventually. When she comes out of her room and wants to be around you both, let her sit between you or on one of your laps.  Play with her on the computer. Starfall.com has some good early education activities and praise her everytime she does the right answer. She is probably doing both, lonely and manipulating.  But if you are there all day, so what, spend time with her. What else do you have to do, housework, that doesn't take very long to do or shouldn't unless you live in a pig sty. and tv. hello PBS or disney.

Answer 2

I understand you have things you need or want to do.  It is much easier to do them without a 5 year old hanging around.  BUT you are her mother when she is with you and little children need attention.  Unfortunately step parents don't feel the same love for their step children as they would their own.  There is a bond that is missing.  Never the less you chose to be with him that means you chose her.  She is only and I stress ONLY 5 years old.  She should not have to be alone.

She may be starved for attention when she is with her mom.  She probably has seperation anxiety because she isn't with one or two parents all the time.  She probably doesn't understand why she gets passed back and forth which causes the anxiety and the need to be in the presence of her parents most of the time.  

When you have things that you need to do find some way for her to "help" you in the same room.  Even if what she is doing doesn't really have anything to do with the project you're working on.  It will build her confidence in you.

I only say this because I experience it myself....   I personally feel that you might feel a little competion or jealousy with the 5 year old.  You want to be alone with your boyfriend and yet you can't be, because he has a daughter.  She might be feeling the same because she wants daddy too.  

Another suggestion is that instead of it being you or daddy playing with her why not let it be the whole family together playing and interacting.  It will feel less like a competion for daddys attention and more peaceful.  

As she grows older and more confident when stability is in place she will want to spend more time alone.  But for now she is once again ONLY 5.  

Put on your patience hat and be creative! It will work out!

I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Remember that girls no matter what age can be emotional.  My niece is 6, her parents divoriced when she was 4.  Although she has a lot of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents around, she always wants to talk to someone or be with them.  

Sometimes they just want someone around.  Sometimes it's because they are afraid of someone leaving them again.  

If she doesn't have many friends, maybe a play group would help.

It is good to have her able to play by herself though.  Try to find things that she likes to do and encourage her to do those.  Create activities she can do.  Art stuff, reading, playing with dolls or other toys.  One thing you can try also would be if she wants your attention or your boyfriends and you don't have time, or would like to do something else, start her on a project or something and let her know she can do that in the same room while you are doing something else.  

One thing I remember too...a while ago I babysat a 5 year old girl, she loved attention and loved to talk!  Her parents started putting her in extra activities to help give her something to do and concentrate on or practice at home, they did things like piano lessons, karate, dance, gymnastics.  Those things might be good for her and help her make friends that she can play with.

Answer 4

I think she should not be expected to be by herself for more than an hour! how can you expect her to entertain herself for that long. She needs constant attention not just an hour or 2 a day. its understandable if you need to do things but you can't just leave her alone. Alteast let her have friends over if you have things to do or get a babysitter. Also you can let her help you will daily chores so she feels like she is getting attention plus she is helping you get things done. I am sure she would love to help you cook or help you dust around the house kids love to help out adults at the age, as long as she isn't doing more work than you. From what you said she doesn't sound like she is manipulationing anyone.. she is just trying to get the attention she deserves

Answer 5

She can't be by herself for more than an hour? I should think not - she is five years old! If you are leaving her alone for that amount of time of course she is begging for attention, what do you expect?

Answer 6

Why don't you get out of the picture and let her dad do the raising of his own child.  She needs a loving dad and mom.  It will always be very difficult for you if you ever end up as the step mom.  I don't know of one couple who has married and has children from another person, that doesn't have problems with the child(ren).

Answer 7

She's 5. Kids like attention. Kids like to play and talk with people. Kids look up to grown-ups and want to do things with them and be helpful. If you have things to do, like say, cook dinner, then you should try to find things that she can help with. Of course, be careful to have her do things that are age appropriate so she doesn't get hurt, but there are plenty of things kids can do. So then, when she comes in to ask if you will come do whatever with her, you can say, "I'm sorry, but I need to get things ready for dinner, would you like to come help me?" Then when her daddy gets home from work, she can tell him all about the things she did to help you.