Is she a fake friend?

Question

This is not a teenage question first of all, I am 26 and she is 25. I am a married Christian mother of 1, she is a single mother of 1. How do I know if she is a real friend, or just a fake person using me for something?

1. I am constantly appologising for making her mad when I try and give her advice

2. She has told me numerous times she is jelous of what I have (a marriage and a home that doesn't have constant conflict)

3. she will not tell me the whole truth about some situations that she knows I will not "approve" of

4. she calls me one middle of the night for help and my husband races to rescue her from a bad situation, I try to tell her she's making some bad choices in her life and she later tells me that she should have called someone else and that she had a "whole list" of people that would have helped her out too.

5. I confide to her that I was suffering from depression when I failed to talk to her one evening, and she tells me that i just need to go get help then.. like I was doing her wrong or something.

There is so much promise for her if she would just get herself together, grow up, and learn to be content with her life- I just wonder if it's worth it for me to be a part of it! She made mistakes in the past, got pregnant at 17 and her mom constantly throws it in her face- she still lives at home, and is very immature. She lies to her parents. She's also my next door neighbor, and goes to my church, so it's not like I can avoid her. She's has so many friends leave her, i don't want to be another- but now I see why! HELP! I feel like I should be there to help her- Jesus wouldn't leave her.. why should I?

Answer 1

There are people who are allowed to shirk their responsibilities while they are young and as they grow older they come to expect it from everyone. You have to draw the line, know when what you do for someone is really helping them or enabling them. Sometimes we make choices that anger loved ones but hey-they get over it, and if they don't -it's their problem. Not yours.

Answer 2

With friends like her...u dont need any enemys! Shes playing you honey, and if your not careful...she will have all that you have...house, car, kids and husband...wake up and smell the coffee..The only tip i an offer you if for you to tip urself out of this relationship, before she tips herself rght into your shoes...which is where she wants to be...stevie wonder can see that!

Answer 3

Jesus may not leave her but he would not want you to be put through misery either. This could start to affect your life. Your marriage, etc. Why don't you tell her how you feel? If she reacts badly then she can run to her "whole list of friends" Sometimes life really is just too short.

Answer 4

It sounds as though she doesn't want advice but someone who will listen to her without trying to discuss the reality of the situation.  Until she wants to change her life, nothing anyone tells her will make a difference.  This is why you feel so emotionally drained.  You keep giving and giving but it's never going to be enough.  She wants to live in this fantasy world where she is the victim and nothing can be done to change her circumstances.  When you don't play along, she gets upset and manipulative.  

Don't give in when she sulks and plays up the victim role because you have a life outside of the friendship to lead. Protect your time and energy.  In order for you to be a good wife, mother and friend, you have make sure you're spiritually 100% too.  What this entails is setting boundaries.  So limit your conversation to an hour once a week.  Email her uplifting bible verses.  Don't play along with her victim fantasy and eventually she'll either begin making changes or find someone else who will go along.

Answer 5

Why don't you try being her friend and not her mother sounds like you judge a lot. thats not your job!  if you want to be her friend then do it, it sounds like she just needs someone to talk to not some1 to give her answers!  and then again she could be a user! hard to tell with just the info and not seeing it.