Is talking to old beaus over the phone/email considered an affair?

Question

I haven't seen my best friend for several years (we live in different states) and finally got to see her recently. She confided in me that her marriage is in a bad state, yet they can't divorce for many reasons. She wants to "connect" with some old boyfriends that were special to her. She threw this on me, and I was dumbfounded. Do you think if she talks on the phone or emails these other guys that it is considered an affair? Due to space logistics, she won't actually see them in person, or anything like that, so physical contact won't be an issue. I really don't know how to advise her.

Answer 1

While it may not be considered cheating by some however, down the road it may lead to a meet up and then what do you think will happen?

Let her find other girlfriends to hang with and to console with. Good luck.

Answer 2

it might not be an affair but it is def cheating on her husband if she is going behind his back and vioating his trust.   it all depends on the nature of the conversations but it sounds like she is doing this in a sort of malicious way

Answer 3

that is cheating. no two ways about it. you should not have strong emotional attachments to people of the opposite s*x when you're married unless they are your spouse or your parent. that's it. she's cheating on him. gross.

Answer 4

She is emotionally cheating, yes, but many people don't consider it cheating if there isn't any physical contact

Answer 5

I know if I caught my now WIFE "connecting" with an old boyfriend he'd develop SERIOUS health problems.

To me this is far worse than a sexual fling.

Answer 6

yes emotionally she will be cheating its an affair

Answer 7

Anyone can get a divorce, first of all.  

As far as talking and e-mailing being an affair, well it can be taken each way.  The content is a major thing.  Besides, if the marriage is already over, they just won't get the divorce....why are you concerned?  It isn't your marriage?

Answer 8

I go by the standard of "would you accept the other person in the relationship doing and feeling the exact same thing that you are doing."

That is usually a good guide on if what is being done is really acceptable or not.

"Cheating" is just a word. Its the emotional beat down that goes along with the straying away that is what is the bad thing.

She is already mentally divorced from her husband and the best thing i would recomened is to not contact the other BF's and to go to counseling or completly call the whole marriage off.

Answer 9

Is she going to tell her husband. Doubt it so it must be cheating and she knows it otherwise she would tell him.

Answer 10

She has a future affair in mind, and yes you are wrong for pursuing this.  

Answer 11

Tell her yes, it's cheating because she could never tell her husband about these conversations.  If her marriage needs work, chatting up old flames isn't going to help.  And eventually, if she keeps at it, she'll find one who can meet her personally to "connect" the old fashioned way.

Answer 12

well first off if her and her husband are mutually unhappy then they can go and get a legal separation its not a divorce and she can talk to who ever she wants . but if its just her that is unhappy and she is contacting her ex's secretly without him knowing, it is more like contacting with the intent to cheat and to me that is just as much of a betrayal as cheating.

Answer 13

if you're calling them "beaus" it is, because that implies that the person still views them as a romantic option.  your friend is full of c**p.  You can always get divorced, and not doing so "because of the kids" or whatever is BS.  I'm sure the kids love being around a mom who is very unhappy all the time.

advise her to get a divorce

Answer 14

A emotional affair is still an affair and sometimes worse then a physical one. She needs to work out her issues with her husband or let him go. Be a good friend tell her what shes doing is wrong.

Answer 15

Emotionally she has checked out of her marriage and she is looking for an easy escape plan to fall into her lap.  Its hard for married people to leave a relationship and live alone.

People often look up past flings and things when they are not entirely happy with their present situation although some people do continue to remain friends with ex partners - the test is did she when she was happy?  She obviously did not so there is the answer.

She is only doing it because she is miserable.