Is that true? Is the PARENT COORDINATOR right?

Question

I asked this question last week.

"""Should 7 y.o. GIRL have SLEEPOVER with 8 y.o. BOY?

My ex lets my 7 y.o. daughter have sleepovers with an eight y.o. boy. The boy's mother is a bit off and the father is 87 so I don't have any recourse with them. Do you think that it is OK? Would you let yours?

Shoudl I let the parenting coordinator know?"

I then raised it with the parent coordinator. She said that it is not agood idea. She has a wide ranging mental health practice and she says that it is at this age that children have negative sexual experiences and where perversion starts. Her adult patients tell her that it was at that age when the trouble strated.

Not having beena victim of sexual perversion or abuse, I don't know about this but doesn't this sound troubling?

Answer 1

the man who raped me in court had said he had started having preverted thoughts at around age 10, so thats not to far from eight? if they are in a open room, like living room or kitchen or whqatever i wouldnt see a problem with it, but if its in a bedroom then thats a litle troublesome :) hope i helped!

Answer 2

Samantha has sleepovers at our house.  She is my son Evan's best friend and she lives quite far away.  They sleep in the living room on different couches or in sleeping bags on the floor.  If I even suggested any attraction was between them they would "Eewwww" me right out of the room.  

That doesn't mean it's a good idea for everyone.  Some kids are sexually curious at a young age.  My son is not.  I have a stepdaughter that I had to cap such sleepovers earlier than this.  She became boy crazy at an early age.  And the parents being abusers?  Well that applies to all sleepovers, not just co-ed ones.  It's a no brainer to interview any parents interested in hosting a sleepover with your children.  You're in a tough position because your ex is doing the interviewing and you can only hope he was thorough and has that instinct that we parents need to keep up front all the time.

In the end, it's about your child, the other child, their family situation, and a number of other criteria.  I wouldn't allow every girl he knows to sleep over, but both Sam's mother and I are content with their friendship.  When Evan becomes interested in girls, or becomes intrigued with how pretty their bodies are, the co-ed sleepovers will end.

Answer 3

I think it depends on the family and the situation. We have a 9 year old daughter. We are a military family so family isn't close by. There are times we have to attend things without our daughter. Our friends watch our daughter for us. Their children are our daughter's friends, some are boys. The parents have told us numerous times that our daughter was welcomed to stay over. I declined. I did feel a little weird about it. But I do know nothing would happen. Chances are the kids would have a sleepover in the living room or something. My one friend also has a 3 year old daughter so my daughter wouldn't be alone with the boy. They are all very innocent and don't know much about s*x. I honestly think nothing would happen in that situation.

If the situation was that a boy wanted my daughter to specifically stay over (instead of us the parents asking their parents to watch her) then the answer would most definitely be NO!

Answer 4

If it were my child I wouldn't allow it I watch the news and stuff and you hear about younger kids "messing around" even at that age because they are curious but it also depends on the parent, but if I were you I would say no

Answer 5

My best friend at that age was a boy.  We often had sleepovers.

As long as there is proper adult supervision involved - parents who are actively involved in the relationship & know their children's maturity levels well - then I don't see anything wrong with it at all.  

Answer 6

Yes, it does sound troubling! If the 8 year old's father is 87 a believe that sexual perversion already runs through this family, on both sides! the mother at oldest is probably 53?? But I would guess much younger! I would not allow this to continue under any circumstance even if it meant getting visitation revoked, revised etc. It is not okay for her to be sleeping over with a boy nor is it okay that your ex breaks the rules, what example does this set with your daughter?

Answer 7

Are you saying talking to the boy's parents is not an option?

Do *you* think your daughter would do something?  Only you know your daughter.  My daughter is 7 and I would simple tell her that no funny business should go on.  She wouldn't know what this means, so I would tell her that she should change in the bathroom and he should do the same.  She should not see his boy parts and he should not see her girl parts.  If the boy does something inappropriate to her girl parts or he is showing off his boy parts, she should tell me or dad about it.  What's so hard about that?

Answer 8

it sounds like a really bad idea to me