Is that you Eileen?

Question

Dust motes float, trapped.

Suspended in the timeless amber

Of a sepia Wednesday.

The cheap carriage clock, tarnished,

Tocks into the silent hum of the day.

A fly drones. Settles.

Eileen rises from her chair

With more grace than of late, lightly.

She smoothes her dress and looks around

The teacup, cold and the book, unread.

Birthday cards on the mantlepiece

And a box of chocolates, two eaten.

She smiles, walks to the door

Puts on her coat and hat

And gently,quietly takes her leave.

In the chair her former self

Remains, waiting for the relatives

To find her, apparently asleep.

Answer 1

gave me a chill, somehow I knew the ending in my heart. As the picture of this moment swept thru me. And I felt a sudden shiver as tho her soul passed by me. Feels so real and such gentle emotion in ur words, they feel so final.

Answer 2

This is such a moving piece....and so beautifully written.

It is perfect in every way.  Each verse tells a part of the story, undramatically, matter-of-factly....(with echoes of Eleanor Rigby).  

As Siren has recently died would I be wrong if I thought this referred to her?

I wish the muse would visit me and bring me a gift like this.

You are so talented.

Answer 3

I really like it. You use good imagery to suggest rather than tell. I like the description of a sepia Wednesday, thats really clever. You didn't use too much language to where it was overdone, and the tone of the piece matched the situation perfectly. Well done.

Answer 4

Lovely, Spiritual picture painted. Kudos.

Answer 5

This is a great piece of writing. The ending gave me chills and I could see the whole scene in my mind. Eileen is resting peacefully now.

Answer 6

Oh - the great mystery of death and dying. You have presented a possible scenario to ponder - well done. ♥

Answer 7

Amazing. I don't particularily like the title though. It should be something that sums up the poem a bit better. As there's no hint of looking for Eileen, or missing her in any way, the title doesen't really fit.

Answer 8

oh i really enjoyed it. i shall read it again and again. mmm "apparently asleep" lovely ending leaving a gorgeous 'aftertaste' . i like you got her name too.

Answer 9

Just beautiful.  

Not a single criticism to be found.  You're very talented.  Thank you for sharing it.