Is the adoption industry okay for YOUR daughter?

Question

With what you know about the adoption industry are you comfortable with your daughter's (or son's) ability to stand up to the pressures that they might face if an "unplanned pregnancy" would occur and they were not in a long term relationship (god forbid, not married)? Are you comfortable knowing the tactics, (ie: couseling) that agencies, social workers, and adoption attorneys may be "applying" to YOUR daughter or son? Are you happy that adoption is being pushed to high school students in public schools as an alternative to parenting?

I know some of you may think that "nothing like this could ever happen to US", but if you can get beyond that and see what coercion and injustices are out there waiting for your children to come face to face with, do you feel even a little bit scared for them?

Answer 1

ok let me ask you this question- would you rather have your daughter abort her baby?  If my daughter, who by the way is adopted herself came home and told me that she was pregnant I can pretty much tell you , she would place for adoption.- I would not "try" and persuade her.. Did you know that nurses in schools will send my daughter to an abortion clinic if she went to her?  Is that better than a high school "pushing" adoption?  If I was a teenager and I became pregnant- I would much rather hear adoption as an alternative then abortion- and yes, high schools do help teenagers who desire an abortion. I know a couple of teenagers that parented their children and that is fine, because they have supportive families- but what if they did not- should they abort, because adoption is so horrible?

Answer 2

My children, (sons and daughters) and nieces and nephews (and all of my friends children) all know exactly how I feel and what I would do to help them avoid the "adoption machine" there is no way on earth adoption will ever happen in my family ever again. I am not the least bit worried what would happen to them. I also would never let them talk to an agency, lawyer, social worker or anyone else connected to adoption in that way.  It terrifies me that the thought would even cross one of their minds. Which is why we have talked extensively about birth control and what will not happen if anyone gets pregnant.. The first words out of my nieces mouth when she told me she was pregnant were "Don't worry Auntie no adoption ever"

ETA: SO now thumbs down for stating what I would do and have done about this subject in my own family! *glee* Some people just don't get it, and you know I don't care about those thumbs anyway!

ETA2: For adorehim- in all honesty yes I would rather my daughters abort than go through what I went through at the hands of the "adoption machine" Abortion and Adoption do not equate! How many times does that have to be explained? Abortion is a decision made about whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term, adoption is a decision (and I use the term loosely) made after decision to carry the pregnancy has been made!

Answer 3

Oh no, the adoption industry will stay far away from my kids thank you very much.  In fact I will probably be *that* mother who steps in to help my kids friends who end up pregnant too.  That transition is so easily manipulated, and if I can make that difference between being exploited versus being that safe place to transition into parenting, you are darn right I will step in.

Answer 4

Oh, puh-lease.  Sure, if my daughter ends up pregnant I'd give her my blessing if she wanted to have the baby adopted.  I think this whole 'adoption industry conspiracy' has gone far enough.

Answer 5

I would be completely against the idea of one of my grandchildren being given up for adoption.  (My children are still way too young for that to be a risk right now, but just talking in the hypothetical sense.)

I don't have a problem with adoption in general.  It works out fine for some people in some situations.  It would just break my heart to know that my grandchild were out there being raised by another family.  I'd raise the baby myself if necessary.

My husband and I come from very solid, close-knit families, and I can't imagine either of my children deciding not to raise their own child.  Family means too much to them.  As I said, I'd provide them with whatever support necessary...including raising the child myself.

Answer 6

Since this is completely hypothetical for me at the moment...

I would support my daughter in what ever decision she made.  I would make sure she had all of the information necessary to make an informed decision.

If she chose to parent her baby then I would continue to support her however possible.

If she chose to have an abortion or give the child up for adoption I would make sure she has the necessary counciling before and after the birth.

ETA:  Just saw the last part of your question, yes I would be very scared for any my children who might be faced with an unplanned pregnancy.  I believe that education is key in young people making good and informed decisions, especially on something as profound as an unplanned pregnancy.

Answer 7

Just the thought of loosing a grandchild to adoption makes me feel ill. The life I am living is NOT ok for my daughters or my son. After all aren't we suppose to want better for our kids than we have had ourselves?

Answer 8

No, I am not scared for my daughter. She knows I would be right by her side no matter what "might" happen to support whatever she wants.

The so-called tactics and corruption you speak of fall into the laps of vulnerable women who have no where else to go because the do not have the support of their own family.

I too am getting sick of hearing about this "adoption industry corruption" and "money changing hands" c**p. If you don't do research you're likely to find corruption in anything. You have to be educated about what you're doing, and I know this will really set your head spinning, but there are good adoption people out there just doing a job that there is a need for.

For the record: "good adoption people"= the adoption professionals (counselors, attorneys, social workers, reputable agencies).

Answer 9

No, adoption ends with me.

Not suprised the APs here have 'no problem' with their daughters giving their children up for adoption.

It's not like it's a grandchild that's related to them...

Answer 10

I don't have a daughter...but if there was a baby to be born, I would support whatever choice she made.  Its not my body, nor my baby so the decision would be hers to make.  I'd give her all of my experience being an adoptee, bmom, and having had an abortion.  I get her reading material and then let her make an informed decision and support it.

Answer 11

When my daughter was 18, she decided to get her own apartment.  When she moved out a year later, she worried about getting her deposit back from the property manager. I went with her (for moral support) to meet the woman.  AND to add my two cents if I thought for a minute she was being shorted.  Now, that's just a RENTAL DEPOSIT!

I seriously doubt - no - I'M SURE I would NOT have stood by and allowed my daughter to face the adoption industry alone.    And that was long before I really knew the practices & procedures of the current adoption industry.  

Heck, she's 31 now, and I STILL wanted to step in and tell off the head nut...uh...I mean NURSE at the hospital where her second child was born last year!!!  I had to hold myself back and let her handle it and just cheer her on.  And of course, let her know how proud I was of her for standing up for herself and her son.  

But then, I could be a bit overprotective...???

PS I would have done EVERYTHING in my power to convince her NOT to relinquish, begged her to let me raise the baby if necessary...anything to avoid adoption first.  FYI

DITTO Sarah314!!!

Good adoption people out there "just doing a job"??? Huh?

"Parenting...not just a job!"  

(Yes, there are good adoptive parents out there who don't see parenting as doing a job, but rather, raising a family. Call me CRAZY!)

OMG!  Please, AdoreHim, get OFF of the d@^n anti abortion box!!! How MANY times has it been said that it's not a choice between ADOPTION and ABORTION, but rather carrying a PREGNANCY to TERM or ABORTION.  

In my case, once I decided not to have an abortion, the ONLY other choice for me was to raise my child.  Adoption was NEVER an option in my mind and was never going to happen to a child of mine.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...GO to the political forum about abortion since this is so obviously a burning, passionate issue for you.  But STOP POUNDING adoptees that ABORTION is the ONLY option to ADOPTION.  It's NOT!!!

CAM-Thanks for the clarification on what you meant by "just doing a job". Whew! You had me going...

Answer 12

My daughter did place a baby for adoption.

She was not coerced in any way. She had already made her decision to do so, before she told me of the pregnancy.

When she told me of the pregnancy I asked her what she wanted to happen and that whatever decision she made, we would support her in anyway.

The agency she used was wonderful, the social worker also told her the same thing, it was her decision and let her completely lead the process.

I don't have a problem if schools offer adoption as an alternative to parenting. I don't necessarily feel they "push" it.

Yes, I would have loved it if my daughter didn't have to make such a decision.

Edit:

I'm not an AP

Answer 13

I would hope that my child would know that adoption isn't always the answer and that I would do anything to help them for as long as they needed it, therefore there would be no need for an adoption agency.

Answer 14

i am pro-choice:

as such, i support whatever "choice" my daughter wished to make.  

i am also pro-full disclosure.  this means that i will tell her all the pros and cons of adoption, abortion and parenting. i must say, however, that i will express my strong objection to adoption.

since i have experiences with all three (making an adoption plan, parenting and having an abortion) i feel very capable of advocating for my daughter's decision.

-abortion: although it can be an emotional experience, it is a choice for many women.  abortion can be physically uncomfortable, and emotionally overwhelming. she will also know that an abortion ends the chance that the pregnancy  will continue. hence, once it's done, it can't be undone, ever. i will tell her that many will call her "a murderer" and condemn her choice. i will also tell her that contrary to what many wish to believe, not all women who have abortions are doomed to infertility, breast-cancer or curled up in a corner, balling their eyes out over having "killed their baby."

-adoption: i experienced the coercion in adoption. i also know that the only reason my son was wanted was because i was a college student and not the stereotyped, "ghetto-hoochie-mama" who was simply trying to get "paid" to squirt out a crack-baby or a kid with FAS or HIV! i will also let her know that any baby she would deliver would be priced "less" than a caucasion baby, considered "special needs" , "the bottom of society" or possibly adopted by someone who would not care to uphold the child's heritage.

-parenting: i will let my child know that parenting as a young single mother is not easy.  i will fully disclose my experience raising her brother and trying to go to school. i will also inform her that most likely the father will not assist. she will be told that there will be many factors which can derail her for her life plans. and that the only way to parent and continue her plans is through enormous sacrifice, support and her own intrinsic drive.

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regarding school s*x ed curricula...

this ironically is at the core of my current research.  i DEPLORE the tactics used in school health education standards to push an adoption agenda.  i think it's coercive to legislate that schools teach kids that the ONLY thing to do is give up your child.  let me stress it again....i am 100% vehemently AGAINST pushing an adoption agenda.  my belief: if schools are going to go down that road, then they should have full disclosure of ALL pregnancy options.

and people wonder why it's so hard to change adoption legislation... *rolls eyes*

Answer 15

Not for my daughter.  It really doesn't matter what school tries to push on high school kids.  I think that parents need to talk and influence their children at home about consequences in general...including s*x and pregnancy.    

I was young, single and pregnant, and someone very kind, (a Swedish woman), wanted to adopt my baby, but I decided to keep my baby.  It was a very hard time for me, but we made it.

I really can't see any problems with these agencies if the lines of communication remain open between parents and daughter.  My daughter would definitely come to me for advice if she were to get pregnant.