Is the first year of marriage really the hardest?

Question

I heard that before I was married and I thought they were crazy. This is the "honeymoon phase", right?

I was very independent and happily single for years... I moved around a lot (even different countries)...I didn't even have roommates! Going from that to living with my husband, who is the *greatest guy in the world*, has been a struggle.

I was very set in how I did things, and I almost struggle every time I have to try and compromise. I do compromise, though, and I try and talk to him about it as much as possible without hurting his feelings.

Further complicating things, we moved to a new city right after we got married and he hasn't made friends as quickly as I have, so he tends to tag along with mine when we go out (and sits around the house with me when we don't). He relocated for ME, so I can't very well ask him to stay home while I go out, and I can't ask him to give me time at home alone when he has no one to go hang out with.... but the lack of "me time" is extremely hard for me as well. We're literally never apart except for work.

It gets easier, right? This is just an initial adjustment?

Answer 1

It's an adjustment.  These problems will subside and be replaced with new challenges, ie financial problems, family problems, home wreckers etc. etc. etc.  It never gets easier, life never gets easier, you just learn to handle problems better.  The main thing is learning to work together and all else will fall into place.

Answer 2

year number 10 seems to be when a lot of marriages run into trouble,i myself went through absolute and almost complete emotional h**l at the 10 year mark.and i hear the same thing from other people that i either know personally or the friend of a friend conversations.greener grass,well go graze in your greener pasture.chances are that it is all a mirage,and i hope that you don't cut your butt while climbing over the barbed wire fence.

Answer 3

I don't think so. I think it gets harder between years 3 and 10. The first year should be easy and fun. Lots of s*x and new adventures

Answer 4

Well, yes and no. My wife and I were in a similiar situation, her first marriage (over 40), I had been divorce for 17 years, my son's mother (my ex) died unexpectally and we were both hard working professionals. To be honest the first 3 years was a *****, there weren't too many days that past when both of us wanted to call the lawyers and get the h**l out of the marriage.

After my son got into HS, things got a little better and once he was off to college things got a lot better. We prevailed without causing any major damage to the marriage, but I gotta tell you it was not easy. Our only saving grace were that we were both older and more mature than most newlyweds and we constantly communicated about the issues.

She is still a quasi-control freak (doesn't control me) but the house and all that stuff. We both have our own financial portfolio, but she expects me to manage them. She relies on me to make the major decisions, even though I make sure that she is involved.

The bottom line is this, if you're both willing to work hard it will get easier, if not its going to be an uphill battle.

Answer 5

People say it is but it's what you and ur husband make it hang in there and don't give up on each other to many people throw in the towel to fast

Answer 6

no offense, but you guys don't seem like a very good match.  Marriage isn't supposed to be hard at anytime.  There are bumps in the road, but it shouldn't be a trial just to get through normal day to day activities.  I think that you probably shouldn't have gotten married if you like your alone time.  

Answer 7

When you are married, there isn't hardly such a thing as separate interests and friends. You are a couple, and do most things together. I agree, everyone needs alone time. But come on. How often do you go out with your friends? How about more time for your husband? Date again. It sounds like you are still too independent to be married.  

Answer 8

Now you know what people mean when they say the first year is the hardest. It's all the compromising and adjusting one has to do. When your use to doing what ever you want and come in when ever and talk to whom ever it's d**n hard. If you get through the first year it does get easier only because by then you should know all the do's and dont's of making a good marriage. It's ashame but a lot of young people today give up before they even get started all because they don't want someone telling them what to do. If that's all they get out of it then maybe they shouldn't be married.

About your (me) time the first year there isn't any (me) time because he wants you all to himself and that's enough to make you crazy at least it did me and i almost left him because of that. Like you if i wanted to go out with my friends he wanted to be right there with us and i was use to coming and going when i wanted. It did take me 3 marriages to get it right and the first 2 only lasted no more then 2 years but the third marriage i knew what i was in store fore and it's lasted 29 years so far.

Answer 9

The first year is tough. The second year is tougher. Third year is....get the picture?

Answer 10

The first year of marriage is supposed to be the hardest. You both have to get use to living together as a couple. It can also be harder still if you have problems. I have been married two times and have been married for 5 years and felt like leaving many times but have stuck it out. This marriage we have moved several times and thank God we have finally got our own place.  

Answer 11

You answered one of my questions, so I will attempt to answer yours although my credibility is probably in question. My opinion is that the hardest year is the one after all the exciting changes have taken place. Once there is no more "super cool" things like buying the first car, buying the house, having a child, ETC. After it becomes same old, same old every day.

You know my circumstances, you see what I did and what I'm going through, don't be stupid. You got married for a reason and now you need to do all you can to make it work, even if it means spending more time with your boring spouse. You should feel lucky that he isn't out till all hours with God knows who doing God knows what.

It'll get easier...then harder...then easier, and harder, then dramatic, then happy, then sad, then boring, you get the picture. Just because someone isn't exciting anymore doesn't mean that they aren't worth being around. That's what I did, and now look where I am. I wish I would have spent my time tagging along.

Answer 12

tell him that you need "me time", he probably does too!  if you can't talk to your husband, who the h**l can you talk to?  he's supposed to be your best friend/lover/husband etc...ummmm easier?  depends on if you can make it thru your first year.

Answer 13

My mom said her first year of marriage was like a bloodbath.

For me, the honeymoon itself was the hardest and then it was smooth sailing. Now, in the fifth year, I would say this has been the hardest year so far. I don't know why really. Just having to learn how to keep things hot even when they are so predictable, I guess.

Answer 14

its only gonna get hard because your so used ot be by your self. Like you said you were always independent and free now that you have your husband is like having a chain with an Iron ball that you have to dragg all over the place. So it will really hard specially for you to stay together. So you need to find time for your self no matter if he stays home by him self and you need to tell him why you need it.

Answer 15

First of all you need to realize you are married now and your single lifestyle has come to an end and your still trying too live like your single.  When your married you try to everything together except for work that is,  going out you should be out as a couple not a single person.  He is not tagging along he is your husband this ios what he is suppose to do you are a married couple so you do stuff as a couple.  he may need some friends but in reality you guys should be lookinbg for other couples to hang-out with and say goodbye to the single crowd.

You are living differently I ahve been married for almost 9yrs and the best times is going out with the wife.  I'm also a homebody so hanging out at home has never been a problem for myself.

The amount of alone time differs for every couple like for instance I'm working days and my wife is onnights so we do not even see each other because when I leave she is sleeping.

Answer 16

nope,the last year,during the divorce ..........

Answer 17

You should have figured this "independent" thing out before getting married. Moving to a new city is usually tough and you should be more understanding. I moved for a guy once. It ended our relationship. He had friends and I had school and work and no friends. I moved out within a few months and went back home where I ended up meeting my husband.

You may need to evaluate what you want in your life. If you would rather have an independent spunky person instead of a clingy, couch potato then start looking. Communcate with him. You can't change him. You can only change yourself. If you are annoyed by him now it will only get worse over time.