Is the man being inappropiate?

Question

A man started talking to me when doing the school run. I thought he was just being polite. On every occasion he sees me alone he talks to me. I grew quite uncomfortable with this when he knocked my door one day. He knew i have a boyfriend.

My partner answered and told him i wasnt home. My partner was livid and wanted to say something, but he is hot tempered and i didnt want confrontation as i have to see this man all the time.

He has asked me out for coffee and i said no. He has invited me to his house for coffee and i politely blew him out by making excuses.

He talks to other mums sometimes but they dont seem to be held back by his conversation. Other mums have said he seems to prey on women with one child.Some have said he is homeless. The other mums he talks to are middles aged and pbviously married.

I then started to avoid him, and walked a different way to miss seeing him. He has never touched me or said anything direct. It would be easier if he had as i would inpolitely tell him where to get off.

His child is in middle school, mine is in lower school. He is 55 , I am 27.

I just bumped into him on my way to the shops and politely spoke about the weather etc. I bumped into him again on my way back and he rooted me to the spot. He repeatedly asked to take me out for a drink, lunch, and remebered my b.day this week said he'd like to take me for a birthday meal. I made excuses about a babysitter. He asked me to walk his dogs with him and i said i didnt fancy it.

In the end i said id let him know. I pretended to put his number in my phone, hen he asked me to ring it. I said i didnt have any credit. So he asked for mine. I said i had to go after i gave it to him. As i walked away he said 'is that a yes then?' and i said no its an i'll let you know.

I felt really backed into a corner, i didnt know what to do and i cant believe i got tricked into himgetting my number.

What shall i do?

Answer 1

I'd start by allowing your partner to answer your phone; or allowing calls to go to voicemail for awhile. You could just tell him that you'd prefer he not call you, that would be the cleanest way to cut him off.

I wouldn't walk on my own where you are likely to run into this man.

If you do see him again; there is no need for you to stop and chat with him. A simple "I'm sorry, I don't have time to chat now." and then going on your way is all you need to do. If this man is making you uncomfortable for any reason, then you should avoid contact with him. You do not owe him the personal details of your life.

Answer 2

The man is obviously inappropriate and he seems to sense about what is obvious, you are insecure.  He has invaded your space, disrespected you, your current relationship, and continually attempts to encroach into your life.  As you have said, he has a history of attempting to do so with others.  

You need to be direct with him; stop trying to be nice.  If you are afraid of him then have someone with you when you enforce what you need to say, "I not interested!  Leave me alone!"

If you don't stop it while its early, he will totally disrupt your life.

...unless this is what you really want?  

Answer 3

Yeah he is being inapropriate. Find a way to tell him to back off, that you are not interested. Its not being rude at all, you have been very polite to him, so you can let him know in a firm way that you are not interested in him. And if he continues this, call the police because it is harassment.

Answer 4

he sunds ike a stalker. ask you mother or father.

Answer 5

It sounds like this guy has issues with boundaries.  He just doesn't know there are any!  You need to blunt with him -- not ambiguous like you have been (pretending to take his number and blowing him off with excuses).  You need to tell him point blank that you have a boyfriend, you're not interested in his advances, and that he should stop asking you out.  This guy may be harmless for now, but he sounds somewhat like a stalker or at least a stalker in the making.  No one should just come to your home out of the blue looking for a date.  You need to be firm and preferably in the presence of your boyfriend, another mother, a friend or anyone else (so you're not alone).  You ignore his text messages.  When he approaches you, you do not speak to him or pass the time of day or talk about the weather. You either walk away from him without speaking, or if this is impossible, you tell him that you're not interested in a friendship with him and then you walk away.  Don't make excuses and don't blow him off. This will only encourage him because he'll think he has a chance. After all, you haven't out and out said "no."    Be firm, but polite .... in other words, tell him you're not interested in conversation, friendship, or anything else with him, but don't call him names or get worked up about it.  You're boyfriend is your best ally here -- don't let him handle the situation for you, but definitely have him there (or someone else) when you tell the guy you're not interested in a friendship, relationship, or anything else.  

AND if the guy keeps pestering you after you've made it clear to him that you don't want anything to do with him, you may want to consider filing a complaint with the police. As I said, the guy may be harmless for now (or at least, people may think he's harmless), but you just never know.  

Answer 6

WOW, sounds like you have a stalker.  This is serious and I would not take lightly to this AT ALL!  First of all, I must say you have to be a litlle more stern, not nasty but stop giving him false hope.  I understand what you did, but he is not mentally right and doesn't.  He may think you are interested in him.  

For your protection I would start to carry some type of pepper spray and would NO LONGER walk alone, met up with someone.  You mentioned how you kept bumping into him.......NO, he is watching you.  That was no coincidence that you keep running into him.

Tell your partner that you are unsure about this person, the heck with confrontation, we are talking about your life here.

This is serious and you need to really be careful.

I am praying for you...........keep replying to keep me posted!

WHEN YOU ARE FOUND HALF DEAD IN A DITCH SOME WHERE OR LAYING IN A HOSPITAL BED WITH YOUR CHILD LOOKING AT YOU.............ARE YOU GOING TO STILL THINK OF SOMETHING POLITE TO ASK THIS STALKER?

Answer 7

This seems a little hairy to me, to be honest. You sound like someone who can certainly take care of herself and yet this man continues to bug you over and over. Just simply say that you are taken and not interested in going out or seeing anyone new.

If you feel really uncomfortable about all of this (and lets face it, this does seem highly predatorial on his part), I would go so far as to suggest you change your phone numer.

Be honest, stay strong, don't let him manipulate or blackmail you into doing something your intuition and your instincts are clearly telling you not to do.

Answer 8

Maybe he's just very lonely...

but if you are not comfortable with this, try to gradually stop being in touch with him in every way..

Answer 9

Sounds like your being too  nice.  I've realized through awkward situations that the way to beat it is to be honest and a little mean.  Being a little mean, as long as you aren't going around personally attacking people, can be extremely effective and you always just get what you want. Try it out.

Answer 10

You are WAY WAY too nice -- and that could get you into a lot of trouble.  You don't have to be polite to this guy, and you weren't tricked into giving him your phone number.

Your interest in not offending him, not saying NO, your desire to be polite, not wanting your boyfriend to protect you could all be interpreted as leading this man on.  Some might even label you a "tease".  And the man may think you are just being coy, simply because of all the things mentioned above.

Sounds to me like you are flattered by his attention and don't want to do anything that might offend him in case his attention to you stops.  You are playing with fire.

Answer 11

Tell him that he makes you sick and you're not afraid of going to prison for killing him.

Answer 12

Ask him to please leave you alone.  Be polite but tell him you are involved with someone else and feel uncomfortable being around him.  Be honest.  If he continues to "bother" you, I would contact the authorities, there are laws against stauking and it sound like that's what he's doing.

Answer 13

he  is  a creep

time  to  unleash  the  boyfriend  NOW

just  have  him   tell the  guy  to  back  off immediately before the  police  get  involved.

suggest that  it  would  be  really  embarrasing  for  him  to  have  to  pull his  kid  out  of that school  due  to  a legal  restraining  order.  

Answer 14

woahhh.... girl hes wayyy to old for you.. just tell him in the nicest way that you dont think anything could happen between you and him..and that he is too old for you

best of luck

Answer 15

Tell your partner, he won't be afraid to put the guy in his place.

Answer 16

I would say he was an older man with a harmless crush on a pretty younger woman, except for the fact that he knows you already have a boyfriend. If he's that way when he knows you are taken, then it becomes kind of creepy. That stubborn persistence is a definite red flag. I would tell him to bug off, and if that doesn't work I would start telling my friends about this "creepy guy who's always asking me out," so that if you need witnesses you have them. Sorry for being so paranoid, but you never know if somebody is truly harmless.

If you really want to get rid of this guy then do not talk or respond to him in any way at all. Even saying hi might be seen as "oh, she does like me after all!" This is what people will tell you to do in the case of a stalker, and it does sound like he's not very good at taking subtle hints.

Answer 17

Good grief!  Yes, he is being inappropriate, and so are you to a certain degree.  It has now reached the point where you can stop worrying about hurting his feelings.  You need to be definite.  Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not interested in doing anything with him.  He sounds a little "stalkerish" to me.  And change your phone number.