Is the preface of my book good?

Question

PREFACE:

My life flashed before my eyes that very moment. I gulped. I knew my fate was near, but at the same time I was happy and content to know I would be going out in his place. As the world was crumbling around me, I felt as if I spent the last two months well and with the one I loved. Up until I met him, my life was average and there was nothing special about me. There was a great story to tell, but, of course, there was a dagger pointing at my stomach, ready to pierce. It would soon be stained with my crimson blood. I would be dead and unable to tell anyone, but it's not like I would anyways.

My fingers wrapped around its heft. Even if I didn’t commit this suicidal act I would surely along with everyone else who stood on this earth. If I ever imagined how my life would be taken away, I would have never imagined it this way. It was a dreadful and a lovely way to die.

He looked at me with watering, emerald eyes. He took his free palm and gently caressed my cheek. It made me shiver. His other hand was clutching onto the silver blade, which couldn’t slice his skin, almost cozy next to mine. As our fingers lightly touched, my heart skipped a beat and I blushed. I still wasn’t accustomed to his touch as I should have been.

The silence let the thoughts race through mind freely.

The knife pinched my skin tighter. A lonesome tear left my eye. I cringed when it got to the point that it was hurting. I wanted to hold onto my last moments alive, but I also wanted to get it over with.

The knife punctured my shirt and then my skin. It was slowly entering my stomach. It stung so horribly and it was like no pain I had ever experienced. He let go of the blade. I moved my hands feeling around my stomach. It was wet and sticky. Then, I went numb. With the last of my energy I slipped out, “I love you.”

The last thing I saw was him leaning over me, readying to give me a kiss. It suddenly went black.

--

Chapter 1 with the girl arriving in Seattle for summer vacation that she is spending with grandparents. It's before she meets the guy.

The preface is still just a rough draft. What do you think of it?

I'm sorry if it's written poorly.

I'm 13, btw.

Answer 1

Everyone is right.

You are great!!!

Your writing is clear and understanding.

Plus, I am a sucker for a romance. It is my favourite genre.

Keep writing and you will be amazing one day. I can't imagine how good you will be if you are that good already.

Answer 2

It's good, but some bits sound a little like Twilight...

Answer 3

Your a very good 13 year old writer. I'd get rid of the word 'crimson' and replace it with something else, and also leave out the bit that says 'my life flashed before my eyes'. Your story is engaging - like you want to know what happens next. Maybe it would fill out her character a bit if she was a bit more shocked and angry towards him?  

Answer 4

(Wait, who did you decide to kill? The girl or the demon boy? (Sorry, I'm a fourteen-year-old insomniac, and have nothing better to do at 4 a.m. than keep up with peoples' stories and write my own. Especially if they're interesing. Yours is, or else I would've forgotten by now.) Would you mind telling? You could e-mail if you don't want to say on here.)

I like it, but it sounds a bit like the Twilight preface at the beginning. The suicide part not as much, but Bella thinks she's dying for her mom, remember, so it still sort of sounds like it. You might want to work on originality. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty well written. Quite good, acutally. Kudos!

Keep in mind that you should wait until you finish the whole story before you write the Preface, so that you can do it without giving away the whole story. Not all books have prefaces, actually. Things to consider.

Good luck, and hope I helped!

Answer 5

You write really well. Do you read twilight by any chance? It sounds similar to that preface especially when you mention her going to Seattle. The style of writting is similar too. I know I do that unconciously when I write too. I'd pay attention on how similar you are to your favorite books.  I hadn't read a one of my favorite books in a long time and when I did it was practically my story. Extreamly similar anyway. Just watch out for that and you'll be fine.

   I like it though. very intriguing. Finish it and get it published ok I want to read more! It's really really well written!!!

Answer 6

It's good but it's a little dark I hope that she decides not to do it.

Answer 7

Amazing! ;D

Answer 8

its really good but you might want to ask an editor or something

Answer 9

Its good!

No wait, ITS AWESOME.

I didnt mind your grammer spelling and such, I was more focused on what was happening.

Answer 10

I love it! When the book comes out, I'm totally going to buy it! Where can I read the other chapters? This is about the demon and the girl, right? Interesting love story!

You are very good for a 13-year-old. You should skip a few grades! :)

Answer 11

Too twilightish, sorry....Thats what i immediatley thought of, it seems to me that you tried to copy twilight....not exactly but enough...its neat though...just too reminiscent of Twilight....

Also,

My fingers wrapped around its heft. Even if I didn’t commit this suicidal act I would surely(something missing here?)along with everyone else who stood on this earth

Huh?

Oh, and don't put that last line "the last thing i saw...." It takes away from the impact of her supposed last words...Also, most of the time..the preface is included in the story somewhere, so you can still have your line, but just don't put it in the preface, i think it is really quite amazing, especially for a 13 year old! When you get published you'll hae to tell me the title so i can pick it up, it still sounds interesting...even if it does remind me of Twilight (which isn't a bad thing at all) lol

keep up the fantastic work...