Is the term "triad" a misnomer when discussing adoption?

Question

The industry plays a huge role in dealing of babies an children, shouldn't that be accounted for?

Adoptees rarely have a voice in the process of adoption - so is it really about "3 equal sides?"

Answer 1

It is a macaroni necklace made at daycare.

On one end you have the afamily. On the other end is the nfamily. Floating around in the middle are the adoptees, never quite sure what side they are suppose to slide towards, painted nicely to fit in wherever they happen to land.

Answer 2

no , when it comest to adoption . as long as the people that are adopting the baby get what they want they don " t give a c**p about the mother who is letting them adopt .

Answer 3

I have to agree with Gaia Raain.  We refer to it as our adoption circle within our own family (and son's bio family).  The only time we refer to it as a triad is when we are talking about it publicly - like here in Y!A because that term seems widely used and understood.

What confuses me though is when people refer to the triad as 3 equal sides.  I never felt that the sides were equal.  The term triad does not imply "equal sides" to me nor by definition.  It simply implies three involved parties...which we considered to be the adoptee, the bio family and the adoptive family.  Even when going through our adoption process, the "triad" was never referred to as an equilateral triangle.

Answer 4

Some children do have a voice however most are not old enough to have much to add until well after decisions have been made.

Children don't usually have much input in decisions parents make. The best that we can do is listen to what you say as you grow up and add your information to the conversations.

I seek hearing from adoptees and want to know what they think.

The thing I have also learned is that as unique are the feelings, opinions and experiences of the birth mother and family, so to are they for the adoptive parents and most of all for the adoptees.

There are a diverse number of things to consider and respect and from all three groups for all three groups...

Trust me I am sure nearly any parent on earth birth or adoptive we would love to have the child's input before, during and after the process--the problem is that in most cases that just isn't possible so all of the parents both the birth and adoptive are doing what every other parent on earth does--Hope that things are right for the child.....

Answer 5

I have to say I agree.  It's unfortunate that the children involved don't have a "voice" until later on.  I do not think the industry has equality in the adoption...what...square?  lol  But yes, they do have a part in it.  But I also think adoptees, although they don't have the opportunity to voice their needs until later in life, comprise the largest part of the...uh...trapezoid.  So, I guess the adoptee would be the large bottom line of the trapezoid, the two sets of parents would be the sides, and the adoption industry the top.

I prefer to call it a circle.  Much less complicated, lol.

Answer 6

As an adoptee, I'm not part of a triangle.  I'm part of a tug-of-war.  My loyalties to my adoptive parents and my feelings about my first family pull me first one way, and then another.  Society has expectations of how I should behave and act.  I'm expected, by nearly everyone, to align with one side or the other.  If I did that, it wouldn't be a triangle.  It'd be a line with me on one side, with one family, posed against the other one.  And society, agencies, and groups like the NCFA (including their allies, some of whom hang out here) all try to influence me and tell me which side I belong on.  

In engineering, the triangle is the most stable secure shape.  But the way I, as an adoptee, am expected to relate to my two families is far from stable or secure.

Answer 7

You've got the nparents, the aparents, the agencies, the state, the adoptee.  Also, I believe one has to consider the large mouthpiece organizations who like to speak for nparents, APS, PAPS and adoptees, such as the NCFA.  They work hard to continue discrimination against adopted citizens.

That's 6 parties involved.  Mostly, the adoptee is kind of stuck watching how some of the other parties handle the adoptee's life.  The state even likes to continue a role after the adoptee becomes an adult, by denying adopted citizens access to their own birth records, equal to non-adopted people.  This is the case in 44 states.  So much for the adoptee having a say after reaching adulthood.  

This is why adopted persons started developing rights organizations in the 1970's.  Happy or not with our lives in general, many of us are not so thrilled with how the laws and practices have changed over the years, and not necessarily for the better.  Closing our access to our own birth records, which started around WWII and affected adoptees in 48 states, was one of the biggest changes in the law that affects adoptees throughout their lifetimes.  Since then, 4 of those 48 states have re-opened access to all adult adopted persons.