Is the whole adoption process corrupted by egotistical individuals?

Question

Do you think single parents should be able to adopt children? Or should the traditional two-parent family be the only one aloud? Adoption has become a prohit organization. Adoption agencies no longer care about the children, but do care about the money. Couples who want to adopt children have to practically jump through flaming hoops to even be considered for adoption. Than once the couple has the baby, five years later the wonderful biolocial, drugged-up mother can take back the baby. I know a couple who waited five years for a baby than just before they got him; the birthmother changed her mind. It broke their hearts, thanfully, another five years later they got a beautiful baby girl. Single parents should be able to adopt children, so should homosexuals. If the child is in foster care than isn't better for them to have a loving home, even if it's not "traditional", compared to the living nightmare that is foster care? What do you think?

Answer 1

The nightmare of foster care...ask my foster daughter about the nightmare of living with us.  She has a warm, dry, safe place to sleep, she gets to see a happy, satisfying & functional marriage/family for once in her life, she has plenty of food to eat & has all the other needs met on a daily basis.  She gets lots of love and plenty of hugs.  We sit and listen to her.  We care about her hopes and dreams.  The board payment we receive doesn't even begin to cover the extra expense...but that's not why we're doing it...we're doing it because we care about her and other children just like her.  She's a sweet kid with a bright future if people will give her a chance.  She's a teen & has some issues that she's dealing with.  There were lots of other families who weren't willing to take her in.  We welcomed her with open arms & open hearts.

i agree that singles should be able to adopt and foster.

I agree that the system needs some reform.

I agree that it's heartbreaking when an adoption falls apart.  I agree, though, that the birth parent should always be given the option to parent her child right up until the waiting time for finalization is done.  In an ideal world there wouldn't be a need for adoption...children would be born into loving families who want to care for, provide for and love them.  We don't live anywhere near the ideal world, though...so there's a need for adoptive homes.  I'm glad for the folks who step up to the plate and bring children into their hearts and homes who they didn't give birth to.

Btw, we adopted two of our children & the agency that we used wasn't all about the money.  They are all about finding the right family for each child.  It's obvious that this is their goal by the way they conduct themselves.  They charge fees, yes, but they provide a huge service (they translated our documents, guided us through the process, helped with the approval process here in the states and in the children's country of origin, they arranged for the in-country staff to help us including translators, lawyer, etc.  They arranged and ran us to every appointment we had.  They made sure everything ran smoothly before we adopted, during the stay there and since the adoption has been done.  They should get paid far more than the fees they asked for, imho, for adding our darling daughters to our family.

So...these are my thoughts and opinions.

Answer 2

Your ignorance of all of these matters is astounding.  

I have noticed that you didn't cite a single source for your babbling.  The reason for that is because you are wrong in so many of your statements.

There is no real "profit" in adoption.  The costs are itemized to the adoptive parents, so that they don't feel like they are "buying a child".  Lawyers are expensive, that is a fact of life that adoptive parents need to know at the outset.

There are some fixed fees that are not directly associated with the adoption.  These are usually associated with overhead charges for the lawyer's offices.  The largest one is usually an advertising fee.  This is often between $1500 and $3000.  That sounds like a lot of money, but you need to realize that the reason the lawyer was able to find the birth mom is because she probably saw an ad in the yellow pages or at an OB's office.

The story about the birth mom that you are telling above is quite rare if you are using a reliable attorney.  The attorneys provide counseling and conducty interviews with the birth mom before they ever start the process of choosing an adoptive family.  Also, a good attorney would have been able to see signs of the possibility of a change of heart, and would have infoirmed the adoptive parents that there are some signs that it may happen.  My attorney has processed hundreds of adoptions, and this has only happened once.

Foster care, when managed with a reliable agency, is a loving environment that is not a nightmare.

Answer 3

I do agree that adoptive parents have to jump through hopes at times, but it is mostly for the safety of the child.  As a foster parent and someone who wants to adopt, I know this first hand.  However, I think that many of the hoops are to keep the children safe.  It is very easy to be bitter about what adoptive parents have to go through, but it won't change anything.  As far as foster parenting goes, they really want to make sure they are not sending children into another hellish situation.  Who can blame them for that.  I don't think it is fair to assume that foster care is a living nightmare.  Have you been in foster care or worked as a foster parent?  If not, you can't really comment on that, now can you?  It is easy to believe all the stories you here about evil, money grubbing foster parents, because that is mostly how the media portrays foster parents.  That does not mean it is true for most foster parents.  Do you think magazines and newspapers would sell many copies if they told about all of the wonderful foster parents out there.  No, people just want to here the horror stories, because they find them interesting.  That is very sad, but true!  The children in foster care are not usually the children that people are clamouring to adopt anyway.  If it weren't for foster parents, many of these children would have to remain in awful situations.  

As far as the cost of infant adoptions and the risks involved, they are many.  If you are trying to adopt, you need to know that.  It doesn't make it easier when you are dreaming of a baby.  Trust me, I know.  However, I think you may need to get your facts straight.  Many agencies will work with singles and homosexauls.  You just need to find the right agency.  For international adoptions, each country has different regulations, so maybe that is what you are thinking of.  I think there are some countries that will not allow non-married couples or singles to adopt.  

While adoption is expensive, I don't think the agencies are getting rich.  I think there is a lot involved and paying for lawyers, birth mother counseling, advertising, etc drives up the cost.  I am not saying it is far, but it is what it is.  Trust me, I don't like it.  But, there are ways to pay for adoption, like grants, interest free loans, fundraising, etc.  So, if someone is willing to do the leg work, they can adopt.

Answer 4

I am an adoptive parent and there is a whole lot of mis information not just from private adoption agencies but also state agencies. There is a lot of information that is withheld by these agencies so that certain children are more adoptable. Regardless of what any professional says they all agree that whether you adopt an infant from Thai land or the USA these children have inherent troubles and adopting isn't about love its a mission. ANYONE who is willing to make the daily sacrifices with no regard to what if anything they will get in return should have the opportunity to give of themselves.

Answer 5

Forgive me, but you are very uneducated on the adoption "agency" process. I think your opinions are by second or third hand information, and way out of line. Adoption agency's are filled with caring loving professionals who have a child's best interest at heart. IF you do your research, you will find that they are paid minimal salaries, work at times up to 80 hours a week, and some of the birth mother counselors must be "on call" almost every moment of every day (and night), go to hospitals at 3am, etc., etc.,

Now, as far as your statement on "who" should be able to adopt, (couples, individuals, etc.), an agency supporting domestic adoption in the USA has to allow EVERYONE equal rights to parent. Whether or not a BIRTHMOTHER CHOOSES a couple, individual, etc., is not the angency's decision, it is HERS.  My agency supports couples and individuals, heterosexual and homosexual.  You will find also that most agencys base their "fee" on a scale, meaning, YOUR income.  Couples that make more money pay the higher side of the scale, it helps even things out, and also helps to provide the main goal.............allow an adult who may not bring home a fortune to PARENT, and a child the right to be loved and supported by that parent.

As far as your statement of the couple that waited 5  years then the birthmother reclaimed the child, it does happen, but not as often as the success stories. As an adoptive "waiting couple or parent" YOU know this is a risk, and you try and prepare yourself for it although extremely gut wrenching.  It is mandatory now with legal adoptions that the birthparents relinquish their parental rights prior to the adoption become finalized. In most states, the max is 3 weeks waiting time once the child is placed, however, in the cases where there are missing birthparents, it could take up to 60 days after the courts place ads in papers to locate a birthparent who may not be involved at the time of placement.

I want to make it clear for all who have not experienced adoption first hand, and have "heard" things either through the media or just plain gossip, that there are MANY MORE SUCCESS STORIES, than not with adoption.  As adoptive families, we need to be advocates for adoption, and tell our stories as much as we can without offering too much of our "child's story" before they have the right to tell it themselves.  There is an adoption language that most people do not even know exists, people are extremely nosey and at times downright rude with questions. Although as adoptive parents, we realize they do not mean harm, just lack the right vocabulary, the fact remains.......Adoption is a wonderful option for those individuals, couples, etc., who only want one thing............TO BE PARENTS.

Finally, answering your lead question. NO, the adoption process is not corrupted with egotystical individuals, rather, caring, loving, nuturing, giving, individuals who put themselves second and third, so that they can put a child FIRST.

Answer 6

I don't know where you get your information from but unfortunately you are also enflaming the whole adoption process by putting misinformation out there for people to read and worry about. Fostering a child and adopting a child are two completely different things -- particularly in the legal sense. Once a child has been adopted and the adoption has been finalized (usually takes about 6 months) there is no such thing as the "real" mother being able to take the kid back. The adoptive parents are the only parents in the eyes of the law and they have full rights to the child in every sense of the word. The biological parents have no rights whatsoever. Fostering a child is completely different. The system works very much in favor of the biological parents and the foster parents are temporary in every sense of the word. They have no legal rights to the child whatsoever. Please understand the difference between adoption and foster care in this very critical matter.

Answer 7

well,the decision to have child requires many things too.keep that in mind, lots of planning and paperwork and yes money..

Bottom line everyone that wants to be a parent should have that option whether through adoption or Natural means

Answer 8

ppl like you with your misinformation scares ppl from adoption.for your information a childs real parents are the ones who take care of them.just because you give birth does not make you a parent,loving and caring properly,being there in a childs good and bad times make you a parent.so where do you get a real parent can take them back is beyond me when they live with and the REAL parents are ones caring for them.bye the way we adopted a little girl and we are her real parents,only ones shes ever known or will know yes youcan change your mind before handing the child over thats true but not after they have signed there rights away or there rights were severed by the courts.yes if a single parent can love and care for a child,by all means,let them adopt,some states even allow homosexuals to adopt so why not single ppl.

Answer 9

In most states single parents can adopt.  There are still states that don't allow homosexual adoption.   As for taking the child back the birth mother has 30days to change her mind. It is a big decision so they do give that window.  I am in the process of trying to adopt now and once parental ties have been severed they can not come back the cases you have seen about five years later used to happen when parents forced their teen to give the child up for adoption against their will. That is no longer allowed and young girls are given counseling about their decisions and they have the 30 days after they give up to changed their mind. In 30days you go to court and you have the adoption finalized.   As for people waiting forever  for children part of the problem is  the adoptive parents. They have very specific ideas of kids they want and the more restrictions you put on the longer it will take.  Most people only want a baby and their aren't that many babies in this country or abroad. The babies that go up for adoption are generally done in private adoption and are very expensive. The kids in foster care are taken later on usually when the parents mess up.  No one wants a kid even a 3 year old.   They also often times only want a white child when there are great kids of all races that need adoption.

Answer 10

Wow.  You have asked about so many things!

Of course, singles and same s*x parents should be allowed to adopt.  Families come in all descriptions, and adoptive families are no different.

As far as adoption agencies no longer caring about the children, I would disagree.  Agencies have actually made their policies stricter over the years, making it more difficult to adopt as we have learned more and more about what children need.  Of course, there are agencies who don't care as much as they could or should.  Of course, there are adoptive parents who might be better parents.  And of course, there are some biological parents who should never have children in the first place, based on the rate of abuse, divorce, drug use, alcoholism, and domestic violence within the typical American family.

Yes, adoptive parents have to jump through hoops to be a parent and some biological parents just have to ((oops!)) once and they're pregnant!  That doesn't seem fair.  But when I was in that position many years ago, I didn't just sit back and whine.  I wanted a child.  I wanted to love and care for a child, and share my thoughts and feelings and likes and life.  So, I became a Big Sister to a litle girl who really needed someone to care for her.  We would go to the movies, shopping, to the park, or just sit and read.  Then a few years later, I became a foster mother to a 9 month old baby girl.  I eventually was offered the opportunity adopt her and her sister.  But after careful consideration, decided that a couple might be able to parent these particular little girls better than I could as a single woman (at the time).  They were both adopted by a loving couple who adored them.  I decided that if I wanted to adopt, I had better earn a decent salary, so I put myself through college and became a Social Worker after graduate school.  I then fostered a little boy, and wanted very much to adopt him.  He was returned to his bio mom.  I then adopted 20 years ago, and was lucky to have a very understanding and open minded agency, who placed with me twice as a single mother when it was not popular.  

So you see, there are ways to parent.  There are ways to love children.  There are ways to make sure we have enough money and time to parent in the way we want to parent.  It is not easy, but it is possible with planning, work, and creativity.

If loving a child is what we want to do, there are many ways!