Is there a class to teach pre-teens manners and respect?

Question

My daughter is twelve. She treats me with the utmost respect and obedience, but I hear from her aunt, stepmother, and other adults that she is defiant, rude, and lacks the slightest bit of respect for them. I've obviously missed something and it makes me look so bad! Not to mention she needs to understand that you get what you give. Is there a class, boot camp, book, or videos that can help me get her to treat everyone well? I know it sounds ridiculous, and every child gets this way when they hit puberty, but I want to get a handle on it before she becomes a teenager and there's no turning back. And, how should I punish her in a way that will truly make her think twice the next time she wants to mouth off at an adult? Any clever ideas? Help!

Answer 1

The only class we ever heard of was 'at home' with your family!

We insisted on proper english as our 2 sons grew up, refused to 'talk slang' of any type, NEVER ONCE gave in to 'fad' clothing, underwear

up to armpits, pants down to the knees, $100 shoes, wacko hair...and my wife and I talked to each other and treated each other EXACTLY as we demanded from our sons.

Came home one day and found the babysitter entertaining them with MTV on cable-which we never watched...and the cable was cut off, literally, that day and it was 8 years before we got it back. Public tv and 2 local network channels available on antenna-worked for us.

We had already denied them from watching even kids cartoons-like GI Joe, and some others, because what was happening? When WE weren't around-others thought it was cute seeing the boys wrestle and fight each other. They mimicked what they saw.

So your 'classes' begin at home. No, we are not religious fanatics, cult members, or anything...more agnostic I guess you'd say-but we practice the Golden Rule...taught them that other people DO take them at 'first impression' whether it was 'right' or not-so acting or talking like an a@@hole meant people would think of, and treat them-as an a@@hole!

We raised two fine young men, with respect for women and others, honest, never once a drug problem, gang problem, none of that!

They had school activities, sports, band, we WERE THERE...every game, every concert. They hung out with friends? NOT unless WE knew the parents, where they were going, and how they were getting there.

IT was hard at times...but after they graduated and found 'the real life' as young adults...they both thanked us for our concerns and their upbringing!

Answer 2

It it called The School of Mom (or Dad).  The teachers have to provide the finest example, guidance and have patience.  Sometimes the lessons have to be taught the hard way, but give her at least three good chances.  Consequences should range from being sent to her room, to grounding and a spanking if she pushes you there.

Answer 3

You don't learn things out of a book or video... I agree, have your family members disrespect her and slap her around a bit.  

Answer 4

She needs to spend some quality time over your knee.

Send her to her room, turn her over your knee

and give her a good spankin.

It's something you should of done when she was still in pigtails.

Answer 5

Perhaps you could introduce her to a successful adult who your daughter might look up to. When I was a young girl, I was very upset because I really wanted to be a lawyer and at that time most lawyers were male. My father introduced me to a successful woman when I was about 12, and now, 18 years later I'm a practicing lawyer after passing the bar at age 24. It really helped to have someone to look up to.

My point is that you need to show your daughter that in order to be a successful adult, she needs to respect people. My father was a great businessman - and he always took the time to know everyone's names and something about them - even the cleaning staff and interns. Maybe she can understand the importance of a good attitude when she sees it in action.  

Answer 6

I wish. you just need to let her know it is unacceptable and she needs to be punished EVERY time she does it. Not just sometimes, she will learn, and it has to be a harsh punishment, no matter how harsh it sounds, every time it has to be something like groundation for 2 weeks with no phone, no friends, no computer, and she needs to do chores the whole time, and just help you around the house with no allowance. or even a month. It sounds harsh but if it is harsh they won't do it anymore right? I just know that I will do whatever it takes if my little ones ever talk rudely and inapproriately to adults.  

Answer 7

Yeah, It's called a spanking from mom or dad! Teaches respect quite well!

Answer 8

Punish her the same way you would if she disrespected you. The minute you find out that she acted wrong confront her and deal with her as if she just did it to you.

Answer 9

Yes there is, and your the teacher! The only tools needed were given by God. Your lap, your hand, and her bottom. Bring them all together if you know what I mean. This child needs consequences and FAST

Answer 10

Have her aunt, stepmother and other adults slap her around abit.  It will do wonders.