Is there a good book to help convince husband to home school?

Question

Can anyone recommend a good book to help convince my husband that home schooling will not inhibit our son's socialization?

He's a toddler right now (my son that is) so I have time. ;) I have read tons of things on the internet to rebut his claims, but at the end of every conversation he is stuck thinking that the type of socialization with 30 peers, in a PS, outweighs anything a home school lifestyle could provide.

He honestly thinks our son will become a social misfit. We live in the DC area, in the suburbs filled with kids, and there couldn't be more opportunities available for socialization and exciting field trips. Despite that, my husband insists he'll be missing out on something vital! He’s not even sure what it is, he just thinks there must be something to it. Ugh! Help!

I need to hand him a book on the subject or get him to attend some sort of intro to HS seminar that can address this concern. Any recommendations? If not, I’ll take your prayers forus! Thank you!

Answer 1

I dated a girl with 3 kids.  She home schooled them all.  They were smart as h**l.  Not sure h**l is smart but I will just assume it is for my analogy.

They were fine socially.  But she made sure they had outside involvment.  One was a gymnast.  Didnt got to gymnastics once a week.  He went every day for 3 hours.  Another was in karate.  Not once a week 2 hours a day.  Ect.

Also many home schools will rent out a church.  When the community of home school teachers rent out the church and all the home school kids get together for half a day once a week.

They even have dances proms ect.  Im sure there are many in your community.  I dont think a book will convice your husband.  I was totally agaisnt home school until I met her.  But I think it depends on how you do it.

Answer 2

I doubt a book would do it.  What might help more is for him to meet some homeschooled kids.  Maybe you could call a local co-op or homeschool play group and arrange for you and your husband to attend and observe a few times.  Be up front about why, and make sure you don't interfere with classes and activities, just sit quietly and watch.  Also, talking to some of the other homeschooling parents might help too.

I wish I could recommend a book, and know some exist, but I just can't remember the titles right now.   There may be some actual scientific studies at http://www.hslda.com

Here is a link directly to some materials about social issues.

http://www.youcanhomeschool.org/starther...

Here is a link to a DVD that might help:

http://www.consideringhomeschooling.org

Answer 3

yeah....there's a couple

1) Social Retardation and You by IP Freeley

2) Mommy, I Don't Have Any Friends Because I Creep Them All Out by Hugh Jass

Answer 4

Sorry, but I agree with your husband. I grew up in Utah where many kids are homeschooled. All the ones I knew felt that they really missed out on socializing. They tend to be very shy around groups of kids because they don't feel they "fit in".

Answer 5

Of course socialization is important! A child really needs to be exposed to different ways of life in order to grow up open minded. It's so important that you'd better start now:

*Go to playgroup

*Learn another language (sign language is good for kids, oh and deaf people.) Contact your local deaf association for classes. They might even have a signing playgroup.

*Go to storytime at the library

*Go to the park on the other side of town where all the refugee mums take their kids.

*Go and find somewhere to volunteer. My 6 month old daughter and I have filled out paperwork to start helping out with English conversation classes with our local ethnic council. Not that she's much of a conversationalist yet, but we can converse about her if nothing else springs to mind.

*Go to the cafe where the vegan, L*****n mothers hang out.

*Etc, etc.

Of course you won't have time to keep his shirts ironed, but socialization is too important to be placed beneath housework!!

Guys often prefer to listen to other people rather than their wives, and prefer conversation with a specific point. Instead of saying you want to homeschool, say you want to homeschool with this particular method. My hubby was pretty resistant until I'd picked a curriculum to follow. He won't read the book (it's a "gunna") but he's been happy enough to listen to me talk about the pros and cons of the method and what I want to do to address the cons. Perhaps, as others have said, you can take him along to a local homeschooling event. A bbq or something "manly" like that. Or choose your curriculum/method and find a yahoo group. He may be willing to ask questions there for a little while. My hubby often hesitates to get into a discussion about anything I feel enthusiastically about because he doesn't want to upset me by disagreeing (silly man!) He doesn't mind disagreeing with other people though.

Here's some links to share with your hubby:

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/arti...

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/humo... (This one is my favourite)

I also intend to use The Well Trained Mind. I think it can be a touch autocratic (which I am naturally disposed to be,) but I don't see that as a problem if it's balanced out. So, for balance, I'm taking the parts I like from the Steiner philosophy, and we'll get our share of arts and crafts, and learning archery and rapier, through our involvement with the SCA (http://www.sca.org) The Well Trained Mind is very thick so your hubby probably won't read it, but mine was happy to listen to my summary and became convinced it is the right thing to do. Not that he'd care if ours went to public schools, but he does recognise homeschooling as better and will let me do it if I can also work to help pay a mortgage. Fair enough, of course. So I'm looking for somewhere to live where we can have a smaller mortgage than if we stay in our current area :)

Answer 6

I'm no expert on this, but I think you're definatly right about homeschooling your toddler. I am 16 and have been homeschooled since I can remember, except for freshman year of high school. That year I went to a private Catholic school; it just did not work out. Homeschooling was an infinatly better option. The school didn't have the classes I needed, and the atmosphere was very pressured and the work was pointless. So, for sophomore year I'm homeschooling again, but I do take a few classes at a local public high school, and most of my subjects are taught by private teachers.

So, you yourself don't actually have to teach your son all through high school if that's not what works out. But if you are considered "homeschooled" in that he doesn't go full time to another building somewhere, that means you can create a more flexible plan that fits him better than any school would. He can focus on the abilities and strengths he has and develop them to a high level, while also taking his time to improve those subjects he struggles with. Finally, with homeschooling, there is much more time to focus on hobbies or sports than there would be in a "real school."

In defense of the positive ocial aspects of homschooling, I will say personally that I was shy as a young child, but that's not stragely uncommon or unusual for young children is it? There are plenty of people I see every day outside of my family, and friends are definatly not in short supply. I enjoy quiet, but that doesn't mean I'm a social freak. I enjoy literature and reading things that are not a part of popular culture I don't think that makes me "sheltered."

Concerning a good book on homeschooling, I would recommend The Well-Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer. I have not read it all myself, but my mother has and refers to it frequently. It focuses on the benefits of a Classical education, and serves as a guide to putting the classical model to use at home. If you do decide to homeschool, I highly recommend the classical idea. It helped me develop well-rouned skills while still focusing on my strenghths.

I hope this was of some help, and that your husband comes to see education the same way you do.

Answer 7

Well, if he doesn't mind his kid getting molested. Does he really need a book to make that decision? I'm teaching both our kids at home out of fear of what happened to me happening to them. I'd rather take my chances with them being misfit then anything bad happening to them. this world is too corrupt. You can't trust anyone. I'm almost 30 and when I was in 3rd grade I saw two classmates having s*x behind one of the buildings! The exposure is too great. Keep them home! Just teach them to love God if they learn nothing else, they will be ok. Look at charter schools. They really work with you. Best wishes!

Answer 8

I struggle with words like convince.  No one can convince anyone of anything.  Only God, through the power of His Holy Spirit, can convince your husband.  My husband for years was not interested in homeschooling.  He wanted my son in public school.  I prayed to God.  I never nagged him or tried to convince him with a book.  He came to me one day and said "so when are we starting to homeschool?"  The rest is history.  That was five or six years ago.  My husband is sold out about homeschooling now.  It seems hard to believe.  I look at it this way: Only God convinced my husband.  Only God can change the heart and mind of any person.  My girlfriend always told me this:  If it is God's will, no man can stop it.  I will pray for you.  I was in that situation and God changed his heart.

Answer 9

what do you find so appealing about homeschooling? there is a girl in my grade who was homeschooled until 9th grade. most. socially. awkward. girl. ever. you cant protect your children forever, i seriously think that you will be inhibiting your child's social abilities. this statement "Ask your husband if he would rathe have his son hanging with the kind of kids that do drugs, smoke, and plot terror attacts?" is absolutely absurd (especially the part about terror attacks). be a good parent and give your child limitations that they will be happy to obey. I feel that some peoples parents are so against their child being involved with drugs that the children are tempted further to drink and smoke etc. My parents are incredible about that kind of thing and I have never been seriously tempted to drink or smoke. I never understood why homeschooling seemed like a good idea to anyone. Why not try a private school for a smaller and more controlled environment? I seriosuly think you should reconsider. Sorry to rant, its obviously not my place to tell you what to do as a parent

Answer 10

I don't know about any books, but I do have a few suggestions.  Ironically the reason we chose to homeschool our children was because of the socialization they were receiving in public schools.  Not to mention the fact that kids are always told to be quiet and they are not in school to socialize anyway.  Bullying, harrassment, intimidation, over sexuality, isolation for some, and violence are just a few of the forms of socialization my children witnessed daily in elementary school!  Now that's not to say you can't experience these homeschooling, but as a parent there with your child you have more control over the situation.  We were also concerned with socialization, but with their hundreds of community activities and classes, feild trips, interactions with friends and neighbors children, and now their new homeschooling group they are beyond socialized!  In fact most people are impressed with how well socialized my children are with people of all ages!

Check your area for a local homeschool group and invite your husband to at least check it out with you.  Our group has a park day open to the public so potential homeschoolers can meet others, ask questions, get support, and let the children from 1-13 socialize and interact.  Our group also offers some classes for the kids to take together.

In our area the local public school system allows homeschoolers to take classes such P.E., art and music so they can interact with public school kids as well.  Check if this is available in your area.  You may get the best of both worlds.  

Just remember there are plenty of public school children are never going to be "socialized",  therefore I don't think socialization issues should prevent you from homeschooling.  You can always change your mind!  Do what works best for your child and your family.

Best of luck-Hope some of this is helpful

Answer 11

I suggest "Dumbing Us Down " by John Taylor Gatto.

It is written by an 'award winning' teacher--who was part of the system for thirty years.

IF that doesn't convince him--nothing will.  The author recommends homeschooling and exposes what really goes on in the school system.

You might also consider getting involved with a local homeschool group now--they can give you the skinny on the local school district problems.

Answer 12

I am a homeschool dad an I have 4 great kids who are very social.  

Ask your husband if he would rathe have his son hanging with the kind of kids that do drugs, smoke, and plot terror attacts?

Have him get to know some other homeschool dads and kids, they helped me and my wife decide to homeschool.

Give it totally over to God.

Best I can do.

Answer 13

Check out Lisa Whelchel's "So Your Thinking About Homeschooling".  This book is super easy to read and it gives examples of 15 different families each homeschooling in a different way for different reasons.  It was what really helped me to feel confident with my decision to homeschool my son.

This is my second year of homeschooling.`  My son is 5 and like you I started researching it very early.  

I would love to be homeschooling in the DC area with all the living history around you.  You can have some amazing unit studies with field trips there.  Good luck to you!

Answer 14

I am not sure about books, but I know or some articles by Larry Shyers that may help. He was against homeschooling, but after a lot of research he is an advocate. Here is one of his articles on socialization.

http://learninfreedom.org/socialization....

I can tell you from personal experience my kids have a ton of friends and are well liked and respected by home schoolers and public schoolers alike. Please read some of my answers on this forum for more info about them!

Good luck!

added: It would be nice if others would report the ridiculous answers which are being "thumbs downed." Not only are they NOT answering the asked question (which in itself is a violation),  but most are just insulting spewed by uninformed and ignorant people.  They only take action if more than one person complains.

Answer 15

To Answerer Earl D:  The Asker obviously knows that "socialization" for homeschoolers is not a problem and she is completely aware that a BRICK building is not the only place to get it.  Her question is about how to convey this to her husband and help him to understand it.  She's dealing with a mental block on his part and is looking for another means of getting information to him besides having it come from her own mouth.  Your answer to her is not helpful at all.  I hope this poor example of your interpersonal skills is not a result of being homeschooled.

As for Answerer Marturia:  Is everyone silent around you because it is only God who can tell you something?  Has no one ever used persuasive speech to inform you about something that led to your change of mind/heart about anything?  Yes, it is God who holds our hearts in the palms of our hands and steers us, but God uses people to help people all the time!  Many of us wouldn't be saved if it weren't for someone convincing us of God's love for us.  

Michelle:  It looks like you've received some great answers to get information into your husbands hands.  I'll add to that a prayer that God puts people in his path, who will be great homeschooling examples, that will help change his mind.  Warmest Regards & God Bless.

Answer 16

Point Blank by Anthony Horowitz. Its a good book.

Answer 17

The Ultimate Homeschooling Handbook by Debra Bell is excellent.  When my son came home with tears in his eyes, begging to be homeschooled (I'd never thought of it till then), I checked out a ton of books from the library...this is the one I bought and still use, four years later.

She's a certified teacher who chose to homeschool her kids, and gives a very honest and realistic view of homeschooling.  She goes into different learning and teaching methods, testimonies/blurbs from other families, curriculum choices, homeschooling at different ages (at the last revision, her sons were just getting ready to graduate, her older daughter was in high school, and her youngest was starting middle school).  All of her kids have been homeschooled all the way through, and she has a lot of excellent points.

She tackles all of the stereotypes and claims (including the socialization factor and "won't they miss _______" by not being in school).  She also goes into some situations where homeschooling may not be the best choice...as in mom just plain doesn't have the time or motivation to handle it.

My husband was very edgy about homeschooing, as was I, and this book answered all of our questions.  It also gave us the confidence to stick to our guns when our parents came out with all of their well-meant doubts.

I would also recommend letting him sit in on a meeting or two of a homeschool support group in your area and let him pick the brains of other parents there.  Homeschooling does seem like a giant leap when you're new to it - I know it scared the dickens out of me - and it can be hard to grasp everything that it really does encompass.

I would love to homeschool in the DC area, by the way...I'm kinda jealous!  :-)

I can tell you from our own experience that homeschooling has been so much better than anything I ever did in school.  My son goes on field trips, is involved in a co op with his friends, is on a homeschool sports team that plays in the city league, and is involved in things like Scouts and AWANA.  His public school friends are actually jealous of him...they want to be homeschooled too, once they find out what his day is like!  He doesn't feel that he lacks anything that could be found in a school...and actually feels very lucky to be homeschooled.  He feels like he has so many opportunities to learn, grow, and discover that he'd never find inside the logistical structure of a school.  (He also likes it that he can work at his own pace, rather than the pace of the class lesson plan :-) )

Hope that helps!

Answer 18

honestly, I don't know about that.  I agree with your husband.  If I didn't have the experience of school while I was growing up, I would have probably became a social misfit.  I also would be angry with my parents for not giving me the school experience.. friends, teachers, lunches, dances, etc..  home should be where you go to relax and spend time as a family, and school is where the education happens.  If you're concerned about the quality of education, move to a better area where there are better schools. Or put him in a private school if you can afford it.  I feel he would be missing out on a lot if he doesn't get to go to school.  That's my opinion.  good luck!

Answer 19

I dont understand why you want your son to be home schooled. He will miss out on so much. Learning to socialise, make friends, the routine of school life, the school trips with all his mates, having a laugh at the back of the bus, learning to respect others, and loads more. And most importantly, having his time away from you and the house, and being at school gives kids a sense of belonging to something.

Answer 20

I home schooled other people's kids as a private teacher so I have faced the question of socialization many times from prospective parents and many people who find the idea of my having home schooled other people's kids to be a challenge. Here's how I usually respond:

Socialization occurs no matter where your kids learn, it is a question of what KIND of socialization will occur.

Think about a classroom. Where else in life does anyone in the real world gather together with a large group of people who are all the same age and subject themselves to the absolute authority of one person? Consider the fact that the majority of the people in the room are all, by definition, socially unskilled (since the are children) and the one person in the room who is supposed to be socially skilled is severely limited in the kinds of social skills s/he can display because of the fact that they are expected to be the dictatorial manager of the behaviors of all the other people. The social situation in classrooms is completely bizarre if that situation is supposed to be a means of preparing for life in the real world.

I know because I have been the behavioral manager of school age kids in a variety of settings, and I am very good at it. I have worked as a camp counselor, before & after school program teacher, and child care worker. When you have to manage a large group of kids you do not have the opportunity to display a full range of social skills, you have to use your behavioral management skills which is a narrow set of skills.

Now, consider the social opportunities that are available to the typical home schooled children that I have known. They get to explore their community and frequently meet people of all ages, both younger and older. They are expected to actually interact with people of all ages and learn to accommodate their behavior to the wide variety of social situations that they will encounter. They still get to meet and interact with all the school kids outside of school.

As I said, I was a private teacher who home schooled other people's kids. I know from experience that there is a whole different level of social skills that are available when I lead children in small groups around the community. We are able to interact with each other and with other people in the community in ways that are impossible for larger groups.

Here's the crux of the issue: what kind of socialization do you want for your children? The socialization that comes from their being managed like a herd animal or the socialization that comes from their developing real meaningful relationships with people in their community?

Answer 21

There is no BOOK there is YOU and HIM

Socialization means going to the park and playground and letting the kid play in the sand box with other kids.

Sending them to Sunday School if you are relgious

Putting them into Karate, Gynmastics, Softball, Little League.

Socialization is about YOU letting THEM interact with OTHERS their own age.

That is an effort YOU must make.

This should happen naturally to most people

You should have friends who have kids and your kids and their kids spend time together.

That is socialization.

If you don't let your kids go over to the house of kids at BRICK SCHOOL then you are STOPPING SOCIALIZATION

It's up to YOU TWO

You TWO have to decided if you INTEND to WILLFULL let your kids socialize or NOT.

The FACT of the matter is if you're NOT going to do it in HOMESCHOOL you will ALSO stop it in BRICK SCHOOL.

That means you kids will only KISS the other s*x at LUNCH TIME.

They'll NEVER do on dates, unless YOU LET THEM.

That's up to YOU

In BRICK school their friends can be 2 miles away.

YOU have to be willing to take them there or let them go on their own or their social life with be 75 minutes a day

SOCILIZATION is not a 75 minute school class!

That's a JOKE

That's FILMSY excuse for a social life.