Is there a nice way to tell him...?

Question

I am with someone that has let me down and hasn't kept his word to me. I got to the point that I put him on the spot and told him that he needed to keep his word on ONE SPECIFIC thing in order for me to know I have no reason to doubt him. He refused to do it. Whenever we have any kind of disagreement and he realizes I am right, he reverts to telling me to "move out" or "go someplace for the night" and closes down. Last friday we had a repeat performance. The next morning I got up, packed a bag and took off to the other coast for a few days.

Since I've been back it feels like he is going into overkill to prove something to me... impress me... prove whatever to me...but given our history I don't trust that he is being sincere. Any time he acts this way in the past it has just been a matter of time before he is back to his old ways.

I am physically sick because I don't know what to think or how to take him. How is it possible for someone to see the light of day in only a few days? I am literally trying to avoid him because I am so afraid to believe he could be sincere and don't know how to tell him....

I could use all the help I can get right now.... no sarcastic answers, plz.

Answer 1

It isn't that "he saw the light", it is more like he missed you and knows he has a good thing.  But it sounds like he is a fake.

Maybe he has issues that you just have not realized yet.

Drugs, alcohol, sexual abuse, a terrible mother or father, or x ??

Anyway, just keep your cool. I hope you get sick enough of it that you will move on, because people very rarely will change over night.    

Answer 2

All you have to do is learn to know that you can't trust him.  Then you have to decide if you want to stay with someone you can't trust.  There's no point in hoping he'll change because experience tells you otherwise.  My own thing, when I was in your situation, was to look at what he did, and not necessarily believe what he said (actions speak louder than words!) - because the two were completely separate things.  We ended up splitting.

Answer 3

No.  He won't change for long.  As soon as he gets comfortable, he'll revert back to his insecure self.

I'm confused though...what is it that you want to tell him?  That it's over?  In which case I say, "Way to go girl!"

So how would you tell him? Well, you tell the truth.  "Look Mortimer, you're not ready for a relationship, at least not with me.  Maybe I demand more than you can give; but I'm not willing to lower my standards.  I hope we can continue to be friends and if not, then that's the way it will be."

You sound like someone who deserves more than you are getting from this relationship.  Don't settle for second best because you'll find that second best leads to second marriages...