Is there a such thing as having a maid of honor and her not wanting to help out with anything?

Question

My sister doesnt want to help out with anything.She doesn't even want to wear a dress.My fiance said,if she doesn't wear a dress,she's not gonna be MOH.We want her and the bridesmaids to wear a dress.Isn't she gonna stand out?Shes not girlie at all.

Answer 1

She could probably participate at least this once.  If she is not married, I would probably say she is jealous. That is probably why you are not getting much out of her.

Answer 2

Yes, a good friend of mine got married last yr...her sister was her made of honor and didn't even fly in for or plan her shower. We had to throw together a spur or the moment party for her. luckily she loved it.

Answer 3

You tell your sister that this is going to be your one special day and you want her in your wedding and tell her dressing girlie for a day won't kill her and will make so very happy. Also let her know that she needs to start helping out since she is the MOH.

Answer 4

I think you need to stop and think about what's important to you.

If it's most important for you to have a "girly" bridal party with everyone matching and having a MOH who helps out with everything, then you should reconsider having your sister in the bridal party.

If it's most important to you to have your sister stand up with you on your wedding day, then you might consider having both of you make some compromises.  She also needs to determine what is important to her if you go this route - holding fast to her tomboy ways, or working with you on your special day.

You can't rightfully expect your sister to become Martha Stewart Bridesmaid overnight just because she agreed to be in your bridal party.  You know what her personality is like and presumably you love her anyway.  See if she would be willing to wear a simple dress of her choosing.  It doesn't need to be frilly or frou-frou to be classy and appropriate.

Answer 5

if she wants to be your MOH she wears what you tell her to. how rude of her to think it's her decision.  She can step down then.

The onylt ime I've heard of the BM or MOH having any say in what they wear is if THEy are paying for it. Even then, bride picks colour and fabric (and whether its a dress or a suit) and she can pick which style of dress she wants but that's about it.  She does nto get to say "no, i don't wear dresses" too f***ing bad for her.

Would it make her feel better if you you told her she could change into an APPROPRIATE pant suit for the reception (AFTER the ceremony and pictures are done).  that way you get her in a dress for the most important part and she can feel comfortable for the rest of the night.

Personally, I wouldn't compromise at all because she may start thinking she can get away with everything and pushing you further but if you REALLY want her beside you maybe that can be an option

Answer 6

Its your day. You should not have to make accomdations for her. Perhaps placing her in a different role, a reader? Usher? Those she can be herself and wear what she wants.

You need someone who is going to be by your side helping you out and reducing your stress. It sounds like she is not fit for that role, and you should pick a good friend to help you out.  

Answer 7

go to a dress store and see if there is a nice pant outfit that will go with the dresses.  

Answer 8

My cousin had her sister as MOH, and she did not wear a dress. She was the same...NEVER wore dresses, not even her own wedding. They came up with a really cool stylish pant suit (NOT anything like what Hillary wears, but I can't think of a better term for it). All the other bridesmaids wore dresses, but they were separates, so some had different tops and bottoms. It really looked very nice, and everyone knew that was her personality and it was nice that her sister, the bride, didn't maker her conform just for her wedding. Talk to your finance about it. Maybe you can work out a compromise like that. What does he care about the dresses anyway?

OMG, what is with all the bridezillas here? You love her, let her be comfortable. Whatever you do, do not ask her to "bow out" as MOH, that is just a horrible thing to do to your sister.

As another person said, all she has to do is hold your bouquet, sign the license, and fix your train (and help you pee of you have a really big dress). Do not think that she needs to be your wedding slave.

Answer 9

You know she is not "girlie at all" why do you want to make her feel terrible at you wedding? Shop with her and see if you can find something more to her liking. She is paying for it and has to wear it she should have a choice. She is MOH. That means she is the most important person to you. It is an honor to be chosen MOH but that doesn't mean she has to do things she would not ordinarily do. As MOH she should stand out from the bridesmaids. If she was only a bridesmaid it would be imperative that they all look somewhat alike. MOH doesn't have to help out. All she has to do is hold your bouquet and sign the wedding license as a witness. You have others to help. This person has a hangup...it would be nice if she could wear a dress, but she can't. Obviously, she wants to be MOH because she didn't tell you she wouldn't be. She is communicating with you about what other things she doesn't want to do. Put yourself in her shoes... if you were going to be her MOH and she wanted you to wear short shorts with spike heels and shave your head for her wedding what would you do?

Answer 10

Get someone else who will be supportive. It isn't her day...it is yours. if she isn't willing to give a little of herself after you honored her by selecting her as MOH she isn't worthy of the responsibilities. Do not knuckle under and let her wear a pantsuit or not assist in the preparations.  

Answer 11

MOHs do not necessarily have to be a slave to you or help with any planning. However, she seems to be crossing the line with her demands.  I can understand her asking for input on the dress and not wanting to look like a clone, but if you want her in a dress she should not be whining. If she won't wear a dress, I would ask her to come as a guest.  It just isn't worth the stress for something that should be a given.

Answer 12

Can you have someone maybe make her a nice jacket or cape that matches the bridesmaid dresses and she can wear a new white tank or camisole and black pants with it or something like that? I think since it's your sister you should be able to compromise.

I also think since you're her sister and it's just one day, that she could compromise, too.

Not sure what your fiance has to do with anything, personally. She's your sister and they're your bridesmaids so you decide what they wear.

The MOH sometimes wears something different from the other bridesmaids so standing out would not be an issue. As the bride, you do get to insist she wear your colors though.

Like I said, find a pattern for a fancy jacket or formal shawl/cape thing, get a seamstress to custom make it for her, shouldn't be very expensive at all, and like I said she will look fine with that and a new white camisole or tank or other shirt and black pants -- new so that there is no fading or discolor or stains on either -- they are bright white (covered with the jacket so as not to detract from the bride at all) and coal black and will look very glamorous, but not too "girly."

If she won't even go for something like that, I hate to say it but you may have to ask her to bow out as MOH. I mean if you don't need the help, then she doesn't have to help with anything, but not even being willing to wear dressy clothes in your color is very much making it all about her.

Answer 13

Her not wanting to wear a dress I can understand.  You have to understand that some people would not feel comfortable and the whole day would be spent wanting to shrink away and avoid everything, especially pictures.  If she doesn't want to help out on the other hand, maybe you should consider another maid of honor.  Bridesmaids and maid of honors have to help.  

Answer 14

I don't think that she completely understands the responsibility that comes with being the Maid of Honor. Her job is to kept the bride calm, help her shop, throw her a bridal shower, etc. Not helping out and refusing to wear a dress is not right. I would strongly reconsider your choice for maid of honor. I know it's your sister, and there was a reason that you choose her - but it sounds like it would be better if she was a bridesmaid. Pick a more responsible and active person that you know you can trust and depend on to help you out - and not argue with your decision.