Is there a way I can prove how capable of a parent I am, without succombing to getting pregnant just yet?

Question

I wrote a few questions earlier today about the posttraumatic stress I went thru following an unpopular pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. By 'unpopular pregnancy,' I mean that a lot of supposed 'friends' doubted my capabilities to be a good parent and provider, and repeatedly suggested abortion. These 'friends' also provided a double standard by congratulating other similarly aged(21-27) unmarried girls, whereas they'd given me doubt. I felt cheated, ripped off, devalued, underestimated, and disrespected.

2yrs later, I'm still not 'over it'; if anything, I've gotten more resentful and more agitatingly eager to prove them all wrong. But is there a way I can do this WITHOUT actually having a baby?? It means a lot to me to feel respected and viewed as "capable," but I am mature enough to realize that this is no reason to bring a baby into the world. Also, I realize that it is not best to try for a kid when I am unmarried and do not have mutual desire from a guy.

Answer 1

If you are trying to prove anything to your friends then you will always fail!!! that is true for anything!  What you need to do is prove it to yourself and "the rest will follow"  Make a list of responsible things you value such as a good job, home, car, community or church support, and then just try to focus on those.

Answer 2

You could volunteer at a youth organisation which would so you have the majority to recognise those who are less fortunate than yourself.

Having a baby is something that you would need to think about and maybe if you talked to your "Friends" prior to telling them you were pregnant they may realise that you actually had thought about having a child rather than just announcing it to them.

You should also try and get yourself involved with friends/relatives/neighbours' babies and therefore you would show to yourself - half the battle is your own self-belief and confidence. by being around children and infants you will learn what is the best thing for them and gradually practice makes perfect.

Don't be scared to ask your friends for advice, it will make them feel better as they are helping someone and also should give yourself more confidence.

Best of Luck

Answer 3

i think the answer to your problem is in your last sentence. You need to come to terms with the idea that it was not YOU that your friends didnt have faith in, but that their comments were a reflection that your situation wasnt ideal.

You dont need to prove anything to anyone else, but you do need to start having faith in yourself. Try and forget about the baby thing and show yourself the other things in life that you are great at. When your time comes to have a kid, you are the only one who will matter as far as how well you can do it, or think you can do it. For now, give yourself a break.