Is there a way to help my 17 yr old daughter see her ex boyfriend does not really like her anymore?

Question

They dated for 2.5 years and she broke up with him. Barely spoke for a while but have now been casually friendly for 2 months.

On their "anniversary" he contacted her and told her he missed her, still had feelings for her and wanted to get back together. She agreed. After he told his mother, (who didnt like the long term relationship) she said he seemed really flighty about it...like he does, but now might not be the best time so he guesses they should stay friends and keep in touch so they get to know each other again.

Since then my daughter has found an excuse to text him every day.He responds, but he NEVER initiates a conversation. I observed him&her yesterday and he appears to barely even know she is there.I am trying to make her see that he politely brushed her off and she needs to again move on.

The original conflict between them was him choosing a certain group of friends who didn't like her, and they are all going off to college now is really bothering me also. The first time it really caused a bad hit to her self esteem that he wouldnt stand up for her or made her feel like she didnt matter to him.

I tried to tell her that if a 16 yr old boy really wants a girl, nothing much will stop him especially if he knows she is interested back. Can I help her somehow see this and that he probably acted out of a moment of nostalgia?

Answer 1

It sounds like the ex is keeping her on a string to feed his ego.  Maybe you and your daughter can go have lunch together and have a heart to heart talk.  I have a son who went through the same thing although it was the girlfriend playing that game with him.  I told him my experiences of painful adolescent puppy love and when he finally let go it took time.  Take your daughter to the beauty parlor for a mom and daughter make over day.  If you can afford a little splurge for highlighting or any hair change and some new make-up she will feel better.  Tell her the bf may show some interest, but suggest that give him some distance and have some pride. Sounds superficial, but she needs an ego boost for her morale.