Is there an etiquette for shaking hands, between men and women? I, often get questioned as to why I do so!?

Question

Last night I was invited to a social gathering at a couple's home. In conversation, this single lady questioned another gentleman what branch he served in the military. In doing so, she in turn, extended her hand to him in thanks for serving. Someone mentioned that I had served also, and she extended her hand in thanks for serving also. However, she wasn't too keen on how I shook her hand. I don't shake a man's hand the same as I would a woman's hand. I couldn't really give her a difinitive answer at the moment as to why I do it just so. I tried to tell her that it is "old school", in fact if someone did the research on it, I'm sure the British years ago (many years ago), when encountering a lady, the lady would extend her hand to the gentleman. It was nothing like a hand shake between two men. This particular lady and I were the only two singles at this small social gathering, and a first impression is a lasting impression. She thought it to be a wimpy hand shake...whatever!

Answer 1

ITS GOOD TO TRY AND READ THE GIRL OR WOMAN AT THE TIME LEADING UP TO THE EXTENDED HAND -IN SOME CASES LIKE THIS ONE (BECAUSE SHE WAS PROUD OF YOUR MILITARY SERVICE AND WANTED TO EXTEND A DEEP FELT GRATITUDE FOR YOUR VALOR A FIRM HANDSHAKE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN ORDER -IF IT WERE SIMPLY AN INTRODUCTION A LESS FIRM HAND-SHAKE WOULD HAVE BEEN ACCEPTABLE BUT SINCE THE WOMENS SUFFRAGE MOVEMENT MUCH OF THE OLD "CHIVALRY" HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM MODERN SOCIAL CONTACT =BUT OPENING DOORS AND PULLING OUT CHAIRS IS STILL PROPER ETTIQUITE THOUGH RISING UP WHEN A WOMAN HAS EXCUSED HERSELF FROM THE DINING TABLE IS ALSO FADING OUT

Answer 2

Wimpy or not, it was rude of her to say so.

Answer 3

She was thanking you for being in the military so she expected a military handshake - something violent.   She could have been a spy for the other side and wanting an excuse to put you down.  Maybe she was a man in drag.  Maybe she is turned on by soldiers and she wanted you to have another go at shaking her hand until she approved of the way.    Maybe she wanted the power of criticising a soldier, while pretending to admire him.   Don't change your style.  Forget her.

Answer 4

I personally prefer something in the middle - not a limp handshake, but not hand-crushing either.  Regardless of preferences though, it was thoughtful for you to treat her with respect, and if that means your handshake came across differently than she expected, so be it!  You were polite and respectful, and she was extremely rude for demanding an explanation in the first place!

Kudos to you on being "old school" and respectful to women.  You could shake my hand any day!

Answer 5

I'm assuming you're a man - is that right?  

But yes, you're right - men used to just shake a woman's hand in a light motion - she'd hold her hand out in a sort of laid-back, palm downwards, fingers floppy (like the Queen does!) and he'd sort of hold his palm up and fingers bent upwards and clasp her hand lightly if what I remember from old films is right.

But yes, someone said she's rude for mentioning it and it does sound a bit rude on her part.  I'm a woman, quite like a proper handshake from a person, and met another woman once who shook my hand like hers was a piece of limp lettuce and I never forgot the whimpy handshake but would never, ever have mentioned it to her!

Some cultures do shake hands lightly though - I think in Japan they do (could have that totally wrong and they like a strong handshake, but I know some places like a barely touching hands handshake).

Answer 6

right hand belt high pump,pump squeeze.  If she is man enough to extend her hand, then change her mind!

Answer 7

I too wonder ( in my mind) about limp handshakes from men

try practicing with someone  to make a firm but not painfully gripping  handshake

I am surprised that she talked to you about  her impression about your handshake

that seems rather rude

Answer 8

Hooray for old school.Unless he is checking for weapons a gentleman takes a ladie's hand when offered, presses it lightly with his right hand while gently covering both hand with his left hand...this is how I prefer a social handshake. It conveys a focus of attention. A business handshake is quite another matter.

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