Is there an unwritten baby name rule amongst family and friends or am I wrong for feeling upset over this?

Question

I have baby named (example) " joe frank smith jr'. My husband is joe frank smith, and frank bob smith is his father's name. so "frank" is my son's grandfather. we were able to honor both my husband and his father when we named our son. my sil is pregnant with a boy and now wants to use the name frank either as a first name or middle name. She says she wants to name him after her dad, by using his name. I am not too happy about it. "frank" the grandfather said to me and my husband that he thinks it's nice that she wants to honor him, but it's already done and his daughter should use a name from her husband's side of the family. (he never told her that- she's really hormonal and gets upset easily.) she isn't really giving her husband a chance to use his family names either. She is sensitive and pregnant and one wrong word would start WW3 and I don't want to say anything to her. I told my hub how i felt, and he doesn't want to say anything. What does one do? wait it out?

Answer 1

Find out what her father in law's  name is and some day say "Wouldn't it be nice to name your baby "Robert Wilson" after your husband's dad?  Then we would both have our kids named after their grandfathers!"  And act happy abouyt this " sudden" idea.  Go from there.  But like everyone else said, it's not that big of a deal and chances are the kids won't go to school together and have it cause problems anyway.  I hope it all works out for you.  

Answer 2

grow up.  its a name

Answer 3

If they have the same middle name what's the big deal?  My BIL has a daughter with the same middle name as our daughter.  Our second daughter has the same first name as his other daughter's middle name.  I think it's cool.  It's all in how you look at it.

Answer 4

Wow...I don't know why people get so upset over this.  Both of my nieces middle names are Rose and I am preggo right now and if we have a girl her middle name is going to be Rose too.  Rose is our grandma's name (has since passed away) and she was a HUGE part of our lives when we were growing up and we all love and miss her dearly and that was the way we were able to feel close and connected with her.  My grandma was still alive when my nieces were born though.  And there are 5-6 of my cousins who have daughters with the middle name Rose.  

If a name is important to someone, why should they NOT be able to use the name cause someone else in the family had their baby first???

Makes no sense to me.  It is their child and they have every right to name their child whatever they want.

Answer 5

I'd probably be a bit annoyed but at least the name she is using is your son's middle name and there won't be two cousins using the same first name. Yeah, it's highly annoying when people have no imagination. Unfortunately, it's a free country and she can name her baby whatever she wants. I am not saying that to be harsh to you. As I said, I would be annoyed. But this is something you'll just have to "let go". Waiting it out is your only option. Something will work out.

Answer 6

everyone has the choice what to name their child.  they can do whatever they want, you have no control.  try to accept their right to do as you did - name their child as they choose.  stop trying to control them.  it really won't ruin anyone's life, i promise.

Answer 7

If she wants to name her son after her father, that's her right. It would be a little weird if she chose to name her son the same first name as your son, but she doesn't want to do that, so it shouldn't matter. It really shouldn't be a problem for you if she wants to name her son after her father. It's really none of your business.

Answer 8

Well as you should not be mad it is a name and she is more than welcome to do it cause it is her father not yours so as long as she is happy and there is no reason to be upset as she has the right to name her child as she see's fit and i am sure he will not be upset to see that he has to grandsons named after him

don't worry about it and get over it  

Answer 9

It isn't fair that she is going to name the baby the same name as you have yours.  It ALSO isn't fair that she isn't letting the father of her baby have a say.  I'm sure your brother-in-law is very hurt by this.

Go ahead and be honest about this to her.  (Talking to you B-I-L would be a good idea).  Don't be harsh about it or accusatory.  Help her pick out other names: use your father's middle name instead of the first (first being the named YOU picked), or maybe different forms of this first name, or using this first name as the future baby's middle name (Hope thats not too confusing.)  

Or could be right and wait it out... Maybe it's a girl :)

Answer 10

You are not the first one with this type of situation.  I myself was in a similar situation.  Though my sister in law wanted to name her baby the same first name as mine but wanted to use a nickname that was not similar.  I was upset.  But in the long run it hasn't hurt anything.  So try to keep the peace if you can.  Where the names came from really won't matter to the boys until they are much older and I am sure they both will be proud of where the names came from.  Good Luck

Answer 11

I would think that the mother has more of a right to pick the name of the baby. She is probably a daddy's girl and wants to name him after him and is a lil jealous that you did but at the same time it sounds like you are trying to kiss *** with your fil and now that he might have a new name sake you are jealous, if this wasn't so thn you would be more understanding about her wanting to name her son after the hero in her life.

Answer 12

It sounds like she wants to name the baby Frank, which is not your son's name.  Your son's first name is Joe.  What is the problem with having cousins named Joe and Frank?  I really don't see the problem at all.

Answer 13

I would say the best thing to do, is wait until she's somewhat approachable. Yes, the hormones are all over the place at this point, but if it bothers you that much, you can easily slide the topic into conversation by talking about her potential baby names later on down the line.

Regardless, someone's going to be upset - whether it be you, or her... and being that this isn't a life or death situation, if it were me, I'd sneak the conversation in. Minor suggestions are key, especially with a volatile woman who's pregnant. Merely mention that her choice for a name has been taken, and that the honor has been acknowledged. Gently suggesting that her husbands names have NOT been honored yet, may make for quite a tolerable discussion. No need to fret -- both parties will survive, regardless.

>> On a side note, I know how you feel. Once upon a time, I was born with the middle name Jade. 20 years later, my Aunt has a baby, and tries to name HER baby Jade. Someone sat her down and told her that it may be too confusing to use the name, since her older and ultimately wiser cousin was already born with it. ;]

My brother's middle name is Connor...and evidently, no one had the same discussion with my OTHER aunt, who named her son Connor...so yes, we get a little irritated at things like this, but voicing your opinion about the matter will certainly get things done. Trust me, she will not hold a grudge forever (if she holds one at all)!

Hope my stories helped. Good luck! ;]  

Answer 14

Different families have different customs.  In my mother's family, every sibling named their firstborn after their parents - so my mother has three cousins with the same first name.  They're just known by different nicknames.

Especially since she'd be duplicating your son's middle name, I don't see the big deal.  It's nice that she wants to honor someone in the family, and just because he's the second grandson doesn't make it less of a thrill.

Answer 15

Ehhh, let her name her baby what she wants to name him. It's her dad,too. No use getting upset.  I know an entire family where all three sibs gave all their boys the name Nicholas and all their girls the name Nicole as middle names to honor a beloved grandpa. No big deal.

Answer 16

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery :)

I worked for a trio of brothers, and each had a son called Bruno and a daughter called Carmel. These cousins saw each other at least once a week and they managed! So, you may be a bit annoyed, but at least it isn't going to be as complicated as the aforementioned example.

Answer 17

"One wrong word" isn't worth it then. It isn't so bad that the cousins will have the same name. There are definitely worse things and I'm sure you'll get used to it.

It's okay that you're upset, but it's better for all parties that you just let her have her way and get accustomed to it.

Answer 18

Look, dear.  You should NOT under any circumstances let your family or your husband's family control what you name your baby.

If you and your husband decide to name your kid after a family member, such as Frank Joe Bob or whatever...then if that's what makes you happy, go for it.

You could name your baby Jasper Edward Emmett Cullen-Swan, and if that's what makes you happy, go for it.   :)

Answer 19

Absolutely NOTHING wrong with her using this name, it is her fathers name after all! It would be a different story if she wanted to name her son Joe but middle names are fair game as far as I am concerned!

Answer 20

most ppl dont want to use the same name as ppl close to them did so i see your point but you dont really have a right to participate in what she names her child if you must say something tactfully ask that she not place it the same way in her name arrangement as you did. (you used it as first she should use it as middle)  just to "avoid confusion"

Answer 21

It is sad that it offends you but it is her right to want to honor her father too.  Frank is your son's middle name so if she uses it, it won't be a huge name mix up every time the cousins are around.  I know a lot of families that share middle names.  More than one person can honor someone special.