Is there any chance of resolve between two people after someone cheats?

Question

Can it get better? Get to where it was? How do you earn that trust back? Why does it take sooooo long?

Answer 1

Why does it take so long?!  Are you serious?!  It takes time because a part of the relationship has been damaged in the worst possible way!  Trust was violated.  Trust was violated on so many levels, that's why.  The partner that was cheated on is angry, hurt, and scared.  They're angry because they were cheated on.  They're hurt because they trusted this other person with their heart and the cheating party took advantage of that.  They're scared because the cheating party may have been exposed to STDs or AIDS that they now may be carrying!  

My first wife cheated on me when I was deployed to Somalia.  I thought I wanted to put it behind us, but at the end of the day, it drained me both emotionally and mentally, because my time was consumed with the fact that the woman I had married and loved had betrayed me when I needed her the most.  

If you cheated on your partner, the likelihood that things will get better are very slim.  Your partner has to be a very forgiving person to put this behind them.  Counseling may help, but right now, if you are the guilty party, the advise I give you is to show your partner some respect, which you failed to do when you cheated, and apologize sincerely.  If your partner ends up leaving you, take responsibility and acknowledge that you were to blame.  Don't bash your partner for not staying with you.  

Ultimately, when/if you find another, treat them as you'd like to be treated - with respect.  And END the relationship BEFORE you cheat.  

Answer 2

i thought so when i found out i asked her to tell me if she was and she denied it i said if you tell me i will let it go and we can start over but she didn't i had to find out more on my own then when i told her what i found she said we were to young to get married  

Answer 3

It depends on the circumstances I guess....if she does take you back, then be thankful and learn from your mistakes.  And if she is reluctant at first to trust you again, understand....it's the least you can do : )  

Take your time and learn from the experience....bon chance!!  : )  

Answer 4

Yeah well it will take a long time, in a relationship trust is very important, if there's no trust there's no point in really being together. By cheating you have ripped a huge chunk of the relationship. The person who has been cheated on needs some time to think it over, maybe one day forgive that person for cheating on them, it's obviously not an easy thing. I don't think it can ever go back to same, I mean like think of how much worry that person who had been cheated on will have, like what's stopping the cheater cheating again? Why did that person treat?

I think the cheater should try her/his best to show much they are sorry & how much they want to make it right

Answer 5

Cheating is the most painful/bitter thing a person can do in a relationship. It's really hard to revive a relationship when there's cheating involve but, it can be done. I personally believe that if you find yourself in a position where your partner is cheating on you, the best thing you can do is move on.If your partner has the guts to cheat on you it simply shows that he/she has no respect for you and they don't truly love you.

Like any other wounds it'll take time to heal. That's the keyword "Time". Give him/her plenty of space and show them that you truly care.

Answer 6

Trust is forever gone!  You can live with the hurt for ever, you just put a little piece of your heart away, to protect it from being damaged again.  

When any little thing seems out of place you will wonder why, and may jump to the wrong conclusions.  It is tough, you can live through it and stay together, but it will likely not be forever, so it is up to you when you want to move on.

Answer 7

My ex and I were married 18 years.  He cheated on me during the last 2 years of our marriage.  I divorced him.  After the divorce was final he left the other woman and begged me to take him back.

We married very young.  I was 19 and he was 20.  So I decided to give him another chance.  We remarried a year later.  And not long after he cheated on me again.  Only this time he was actually engaged to her while we were still married.

But in all honesty even though I forgave him and gave him another chance it was hard to forget.  I kept thinking about his hands on another woman.  Making love to her like he did with me.

Whenever he was late I was suspicious.  When the phone rang and it was a hang up I thought it was another woman.  When he was to tired to make love to me I thought it was because he was with someone else that day.

I guess the saying "once a cheat always a cheat" doesn't apply to everyone.  But its the forgetting that will get to her  I guarantee it.  And the trust is so hard to get back no matter how much you mean  it and she wants to believe it.

I think that if you call her when you are going to be late, come home every night after work,  spend more time with her,  show her more attention when you are together, not flirt with other woman, or make comments about them,  and reinforce everyday how much you love her and want to be with her , eventually she will be able to get past it.

Best of luck.

Answer 8

It will not get better, it can only get worse, it will never get to where it was because that other person gave you all they had and you gave them the finger in return, you can try all your life to earn that trust back but its gone baby. The only thing youd be waiting for is revenge, cause even though you may thing yoru partner is a sweet loving person, the first chance they get it, theyll take it just so it stops hurting.

Answer 9

it takes so long cos you did a huge mistake, therefore you have to make an even more huge effort to gain her trust back. if she has questions you should not elude them and always answer, and you should also have attentions for her... it will never get to where it was though. cos she trusted you and she was wrong, so it's really hard...

Answer 10

it may never get back to where it was, but it can get better.  it depends on how much regret there is and how much forgiveness.  you earn the trust by being trustworthy.  losing it takes a minute.  regaining it takes a lifetime sometimes.  just take it one day at a time and it will get there.

Answer 11

I think it is possible but it will never be the same relationship again.  The person whom was cheated feels ripped off and will forever question her/his motives.  If S/he is been particularly amorous, she worries that he's putting it on cause he's feeling guilty, if he doesn't then she thinks he's having another affair.. there's just no winning, lol.  Basically the cheater spends alot of his/her time paying for their mistake.  But i think it is possible to see it through if your prepared to pay the price.  For me, I try not to bring it up, I try and be as normal as I can be, but i have to admit, i secretly try and second guess him every single day.  I live in hope that one day, i will trust him 100%, just like i used to.  I guess it depends on what's at stake.  

Answer 12

It is possible and has been in several marriages... In time I guess it can get better for those who want to work it out.. It takes a long time because the trust has been broken and just because a person says they won't do it again doesn't mean they won't... A person must also put their words into positive action as well...

Answer 13

The relationship probably wont ever go back to being the same. So, never expect it to first off ! You have to start from how you left it and unfortunately someone broke the very foundation of what a relationship is made of............... "Monogamy"!!

Are you the one who cheated? I would assume so from what u wrote to Misshollywood about "learning from mistakes" and that is a huge cop out! You didn't have to cheat to know cheating on your partner was wrong so, theres no excuse, you are not learning from your mistake, when you already know that breaking the trust in a relationship is wrong.

You made your bed now lye in it. It will never be the same. She will never love you as much , trust you as much or never ever have the same respect for you and its well deserved.  

Answer 14

betrayal seems to be one of the hardest things in a relationship that there is to deal with. I think it takes away the respect that you used to have for the person that has cheated. In some cases, if there is total honesty, one might through good communication, understand why the cheating happened and try and resolve that issue. After that, you have to forgive and then forget and not bring it up anymore in any disscussions, it has to become truly " finished business". The cheater then has to realise that they have to be patient and constant in the situation while the other person learns to trust that person again, it may take quite some time as well. Patience and understanding will have to prevail.

Best of Luck

Answer 15

Not really, because once he cheats, he'll do it again.

Answer 16

It takes so long because you have absolutely destroyed the trust of (at least)  one party.  It CAN work if both parties resolve to do whatever it takes to work it out.  

Answer 17

The relationship will NEVER be where it was before. It is impossible. Breaking the trust between two people is almost impossible to ever get it back. The trust is gone. They will never trust you fully ever again!

How do you earn the trust back... You never cheat again NEVER! You prove to that person that you love them you spend your entire life trying to make it up to them. It will be forever.

Answer 18

From my point of view...No... Put her in the street.

Answer 19

It's not likely to succeed; Once a person cheats that pretty much puts the icing on then cake for either party involved.

A cheater is a person that doesn't want to hurt anyone. He or she just wants attention and affection in the worst way when they're married and it hurts the one they are suppose to love.

It's best to just divorce and if there are kids involved that makes it hard for the male to leave because he will pay...so he decides to stay in a  marriage that isn't working as long as the wife allows it despite the fact their marriage is failing and he goes out on her and cheats when he can and at this point does his best to keep it silent until he's caught or disrupted to break that cheaters greed for s*x.