Is there any grammatical error? try to fix my senteces instead of my paragraph unless that's necessary?

Question

But I refused, because I’m afraid of unknown. So I kept studying in China then I graduated from my elementary school. Apparently, I went to middle school afterward. As I got into that school, I was amazed by how stupid the educational system was. Certainly, I noticed how stupid the educational system was in elementary school. But I did know it was that stupid. I noticed there was no weekend, no afterschool, no vacation…The school forces the students to have classes whenever it’s possible, so that they can earn more tuition. And the students must accept that, because of the serious competition in the society. And such serious competition is caused by the population in China. However, competition is good as long as it promotes something. But, as it gets too serious, it is not competition anymore, it is struggle. The better the students want to survive, the better colleges they need to get into. The better colleges they want to get into, the better college entrance examination SCORE they need to get. The better score they want to get, the better High School they need. The better high school they want, the more classes they need to take, and more time they need to spend on studying. And more classes the schools demand students to take, the more money the schools can make. Thus, people cannot stop the school’s evil action, because that relates to their own future, their own benefit. If they refuse to take those extra classes, what they are doing is no doubt committing suicide. Whether the students are willing to take extra classes, they will become willing. Whether the classes are mandatory, they will become mandatory. And the score became the only thing to evaluate a student. Students are no more studying for skills, they are studying for scores. What they are studying is how to get a high score. They have no friends, no family, no emotion, and no dreams. They are nothing more than a test machine. For the younger students, they have no freedom; they have no rights to administrate their own time. What they will do is planned and limited by the school; what they do are all the same; what they study are all the same; likely when they grow up, they are all the same. What the schools are producing are millions of all-the-same’s. According to evolution, when a species loses its variation, it's about to die out.

Answer 1

There are some grammatical errors, but the paragraph is so long, that most people aren't going to take the time to read it.  So, since you don't want us to fix the paragraphs, will you please fix them yourself and re-submit this?  (You should break this up to about 3 or 4 paragraphs to make it acceptable to the reader's eye.)  

Answer 2

But I refused, because I'm afraid of the unknown. So I kept studying in China. Then I graduated from my elementary school. As I entered middle school, I was amazed by the stupidity of the educational system. Certainly I had noticed how stupid the system was in elementary school, but I hadn't realized it was that stupid. I noticed that there was no weekend, no afterschool, no vacation. The school forces the students to take as many classes as frequently as possible, so that they can earn more tuition. And the students must accept the situation because of the serious competition in Chinese society, competition fostered by the population of China.

Competition is good as long as it promotes something but when it gets too serious it is not competition anymore ... it is a struggle. The more the students want to survive, the more colleges they need to get into. The more colleges they want to get into, the better their scores must be on the college extrance examination. The better the score they need to get, the better the high school they need to attend. The better the high school, the more classes they need to take and the more time they need to spend studying. The more classes the students need to take, the more money the schools make.

The students are powerless to oppose the ever-increasing workloads imposed by the schools ... they would be sabotaging their own futures. Whether or not the students are willing to take extra classes, they will become willing. Whether or not the classes are mandatory, they will become mandatory. The score has become the only thing to evaluate a student. Students no longer study to acquire knowledge and skills; they study to get a high score. They have no time for friends, family, emotions, dreams. They have turned into test machines.

As for the younger students, they have no freedom, no rights to administer their own time. What they do is planned and limited by the school. Their activities are all the same, their studies are all the same, likely when they grow up they will be all the same. What the schools are producing are millions of all-the-sames. According to evolution, when a species loses it variation it's about to die out.

Added: Very interesting ... and sobering.