Is there any help out there for a Stripper who wants to move on?

Question

I'll call her C. C is 35 years old and has been stripping for 12 years. C has 3 young kids and their father lives with them too. C is putting her guy through auto mechanic school and they live in a motel room. She quit school in the 9th grade. C has no other skills. C cant make the money she makes stripping anywhere else. Her man graduates in two months and hopefully will get a job. Her dream is to quit and earn her High School equivalency. Growing up her father was a motorcycle gang outlaw, drug addict, and Vietnam vet with PTSD. The mother was also a druggie and very submissive to him. Her parents neglected their kids and barely even fed them. At age 6, her grandmother had to take custody. C does not see the pros and cons of quiting stripping. How can she get help in moving out of stripping and into the real world? How can I talk her into quiting?

Answer 1

This is a problem that has taken years to form and you probably aren't going to change it overnight. Women usually don't sell their sexuality lightly. Unless a woman is abused whereby she learns that she has no right to control who she is sexual with, or unless she has no viable economic alternatives, generally a woman will not sell her sexuality.

It sound's like C is a survivor of abuse and neglect and it sounds like she made a number of poor decisions under stressful circumstances. Now she has three kids, no education, and she's trying to help her man get through school. Let's hope he's a really good man and that he sticks around and helps out.

Basically, the only thing you can do is support her in her struggle. Don't cast judgment on her. It only makes it worse. Don't shame her. Look, she's doing what she has to do to take care of her kids. When she can, she wants to get her High School Equivalency. She's going to have to do something differently eventually. That is inevitable.

There is a small number of resources available to help women out of the s*x industry, but only the ones that are feminist in nature can really help. the others simply add to her shame and low self esteem. She's not a bad person. She's not killing people or selling drugs to kids. She's not hurting anyone. It's certainly not an ideal arrangement for sure, but she needs genuine support, not criticism, judgment, or "the lord."

I recommend talking with a social worker in your area to look into the resources. Even a food pantry can help ease her burden. Some books that I found are the most helpful for women looking to make a change for the better are:

Women s*x and Addiction (I forget the author).

Women of the Light (I forget that author too)

Lastly,

A Woman's Worth (Mirrian Williamson?)

Sorry to have forgotten all the authors. I'm not feeling well today.

In any case, you are noble for wanting to help her, but you are ultimately not responsible for her life. She is. She will have to heal some very old, very deep wounds. If she is able to do this, it will be truly amazing. Unfortunately, this is the legacy of patriarchy: Shell shocked abusive fathers, fearful submissive mothers, ****** up kids, more ****** up kids, women selling their sacreds to get by, a new generation learning that this is all they have to hope for...

It's very sad. A tragedy really. I wish the best of luck to you and to C. Definitely start with an Amazon book search. I assume she can read. Also talk to a social worker and see if you can get her a therapist. She needs support throughout her entire life. You can't free a woman from the s*x industry by focusing on the s*x industry. You have to focus on the whole person, build her self esteem, help her to see the ways she has been limited and disempowered, help her to recognize her power to change her life. Get her some good birth control and health care, help her with child care and costs of living. She's trying to solve tehse problems by stripping and no amount of talking bad about stripping is going to pay her bills, keep her children alive, etc. It's a holistic problem that requires a holistic approach.